Countess Dracula (1971)

Directed by:

Peter Sasdy

Another treatment of the Elisabeth Bathory legend from Hammer studios, based on the novel "The Bloody Countess" by Valentine Penrose, is a pretty decent vehicle for Polish-born beauty Ingrid Pitt, who'd just gotten some attention for playing Carmilla in the hit THE VAMPIRE LOVERS (1970). The evil, aging Countess Elisabeth Nodosheen arrives in a small village to take command of a castle, where she discovers that she can regain her youth and beauty by bathing in the blood of young women. She has her own daughter Ilona (Lesley-Anne Down, who's young, whiny and a little grating here), then impersonates her and romances soldier Imre Toth (Sandor Elès), while killing busty Euro-babes with help from faithful servants Captain Dobi (Nigel Green) and Julie (Patience Collier). Though it got middling reviews when released, like most other Hammer films it isn't bad at all, especially compared to the crap we're subjected to nowadays. Pitt apparently was dubbed here for some reason (probably because of her thick Polish accent), but she's still responsible for a good deal of this films success because of both her sex appeal and the fact she's a good enough actress to delineate Elizabeth's distressed aged and glowing youthful personas.

Other aspects of the film, from the photography to the score to the costumes to the set/production design are pretty top notch. And don't be turned off by the PG rating, this features enough blood and nudity for an R. Also in the cast are Maurice Denham as the castle historian Master Fabio, Peter Jeffrey as the chief bailiff, Nike Arrighi and Susan Broderick and Marianne Stone as maids.

★★1/2

Candy Snatchers, The (1973)

Directed by:

Guerdon Trueblood

An innocent Catholic schoolgirl named Candy (played by Susan Sennett of BIG BAD MAMA fame), daughter of a jewelry store manager, is kidnapped by a trio of small time criminals who plan on handing her back over to her family in exchange for diamonds from the father's store. In the meantime, poor Candy is tied up, gagged and even buried alive with only a pipe sticking out of the ground for breathing! If the criminals don't get what they want, they claim they'll kill her. Trouble is, Candy's father is actually a stepfather (not to mention an adulterous sociopath!) and he's happy she's been kidnapped because he wants her dead anyway so he can collect a multi-million dollar insurance policy! And that's not even half the story! THE CANDY SNATCHERS is a genuine sleeper that's well worth your time. It has what most other 70s exploitation movies lack; a well-written screenplay full of clever twists and turns. Just when you think you have an idea where the film is going, you're thrown for a loop. Also surprising is the overall quality of the acting. Playing the tough-as-nails female kidnapper, Tiffany Bolling (KINGDOM OF THE SPIDERS) is the only one of the main stars I recognize in the cast, and this is easily the best performance I've ever seen from her. The other lead actors (Brad David, Vincent Martorano...) are also very competent. Special mention must go to Ben Piazza as the most remorseless, cold, greedy, evil and completely unsympathetic stepfather imaginable.

There's a lot of brutality, two violent rapes, child abuse, some gore (a shotgun blast to the face, a stabbing, etc.), a little (autistic?) mute boy who knows what's going on but can't communicate it to anyone (and played by the director's son under the name "Christophe") and a brief cameo by James Whitworth (THE HILLS HAVE EYES) getting beat over the head with a board. The ending is absolutely priceless and effectively ties up all the loose ends. The DVD from Subversive Cinema (released in 2005) has loads of goodies, including an entertaining and informative commentary track, trailers and interviews with leading ladies Sennett and Bolling.

Definitely a sleeper. Check it out!

★★★

Creepshow (1982)

Directed by:

George A. Romero

Director George A. Romero does an excellent job of recapturing the style and feel of classic EC horror comics, using colorful panels, framing effects and comic-like images to bring this popular horror anthology to life. Sadly, he's stuck working with a less imaginative, heavy-handed and sometimes even bland screenplay by Stephen King, who adapted his own short stories. "Father's Day" concerns a vengeful zombie father who rises up from the grave to get revenge on his greedy relatives; one of whom put him out of his misery by bashing him over the head a year earlier. It features Carrie Nye, perfect as an over-the-hill rich bitch, Viveca Lindfors as an eccentric alcoholic, Ed Harris dancing to disco music, John Amplas in corpse make-up, one really good jump scare at the end and some good make-up effects. King himself (in a fitfully irritating performance) is in the second story ("The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill"), which involves a brain dead redneck who's taken over by a quickly-spreading green fungus that came from meteor. This segment strives for humor, but it's pretty flat for the most part. "Something to Tide You Over" has millionaire bad guy Leslie Nielsen burying his adulterous wife (DAWN OF THE DEAD's Gaylen Ross) and her younger lover (Ted Danson) up to their necks in sand and watches them on video monitors back at his home. The tide comes in, the two drown and then return as water-logged, seaweed-covered zombies to get revenge. Pretty mediocre.

The last two segments are the best; "The Crate" is set on a college campus where an old crate is discovered under a stairwell. Inside is a hairy, fanged, ape-like creature that starts killing and eating whoever it can get its claws on. The longest segment of the bunch, this works thanks to good effects and monster design, plus strong characterization from Hal Holbrook as a professor driven over the edge by obnoxious, alcoholic wife Adrienne Barbeau, who's very funny as the tart-tongued battle axe who gets just what she deserves (and gets to die several times in amusing "fantasy" sequences). Also with Fritz Weaver and Christine Forrest. Finally in "They're Creeping Up on You," a racist clean freak (E.G. Marshall, doing a good job playing a very nasty and hateful character) is attacked inside his futuristic apartment by a zillion cockroaches. It's very effective if you can't stand roaches (and who can?).

Tom Savini (who also appears in a cameo as a garbageman) did a fantastic job on the effects throughout. Bookmarking all five stories is a silly tale of a little boy whose asshole father (uncredited Tom Atkins) likes to throw away his Creepshow comic books. The kid finally has to order a voodoo doll through one of the ads. It was followed by the mediocre CREEPSHOW 2 (1987) and the much-hated direct-to-video CREEPSHOW III (2004).

★★1/2

Andy Warhol's Frankenstein (1973)

...aka: Andy Warhol's Young Frankenstein

...aka: Carne per Frankenstein

...aka: De la chair pour Frankenstein

...aka: Devil and Dr. Frankenstein

...aka: Flesh for Frankenstein

...aka: Frankenstein Experiment, The

...aka: Frankenstein Mostro è in tavola barone Frankenstein, Il

...aka: Up Frankenstein

Directed by:

Paul Morrissey

Baron von Frankenstein (an out-of-control and super campy Udo Kier, a guy with amazing eyes) has created a beautiful female monster (played by the beautiful Dalila Di Lazzaro) out of stitched together body parts and now yearns to make a male version as her companion. Meanwhile, his dissatisfied wife Katherine (Monique Van Vooren) has a studly stable boy (Joe Dallesandro, as always, good eye candy, but his New York accent is way out of place) to fulfill her sexual needs. The baron mistakes Dallesandro’s virginal, possibly gay (Srdjan Zelenovic) friend as him, cuts his head off and eventually puts together a male creature, in an effort to mate his two subjects. This outrageous horror parody has incest, necrophilia, bloody stitches, gut globs spilling out of stomachs, impalements, severed body parts, rape, lots of nudity and sex, campy performances (Arno Juerging gives Udo a run for his money playing the dedicated necrophile assistant) and bad taste dialogue. The ending is hectic, nasty and totally hilarious as all the characters end up dead in a big cartoonish pile of bloody bodies (Carlo Rambaldi did the FX). It was filmed back-to-back with ANDY WARHOL'S DRACULA by the same director, producers and some of the same actors. Both films were supervised by Italian horror vet Antonio Margheriti, who was credited as director on some prints for quota purposes, leading to a lot of filmography confusion.

Originally released in an X-rated 3-D version with all kinds of gross stuff thrust right at the viewer (wish I could have seen it that way!). FLESH FOR FRANKENSTEIN is the original title and also the newer uncut DVD release title. R, X and unrated video versions exist. Two more bad taste horror-comedies followed; ANDY WARHOL'S DRACULA (1974) and ANDY WARHOL'S BAD (1977). I haven't seen the former, but the latter is wrong in so many different ways it's hilarious.

★★1/2

Bride of Re-Animator (1989)

...aka: Re-Animator 2

Directed by:

Brian Yuzna

There's something a little off about the tone of this disappointing sequel to Stuart Gordon's cult classic RE-ANIMATOR (1995), though it does have the occasional inspired moment. It barely touches on the H.P. Lovecraft novel (nothing new there), combines black comedy with some rather heavy handed dramatic moments and also seems like it to wants to parody Whale's classic Bride of Frankenstein at times. Insane, obsessive doctor Herbert West (Jeffrey Combs), as stone-cold-serious as ever, and his more straight-laced colleague Dan Cain (Bruce Abbott) are back at work splicing together various body parts and still searching for a cure for death. Kathleen Kinmont is the beauty with a heart problem who ends up becoming the "bride," and David Gale's talking severed head is back in action yet again. Some of the fx are great, but this is nowhere near as fun, fresh or entertaining as the first film. It also never explains how Combs' character is back after clearly being killed in the first installment. With Fabiana Udenio as the obligatory love interest, Claude Earl Jones as a policeman and Johnny Legend as a corpse. Richard Band composed the music and the director scripted. It was available in R or un-rated versions with more or less gore, and was followed in 2003 by Beyond Re-Animator, also from Yuzna.

Director Yuzna (who was born in The Philippines) also made the much-better SOCIETY the same year and followed these two films up with the interesting-but-highly-flawed SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT 4: INITIATION (1990) and the surprisingly good Return of the Living Dead III (1993), as well as many other later films.

★★

Blood Freak (1972)

Directed by:

Brad F. Grinter

A very shaky camera follows leather-clad 'Nam vet Herschell (Steve Hawkes) down the Florida turnpike, where he helps Angel, a stranded, bible quoting "seeker of the truth" in hot pants. The two go back to her place, where a hippie drug party hosted by Angel's cute, baby-voiced "far out" sister Anne is taking place. When Herschell ignores the advances of a woman, she informs him, "You're nothing but a dumb bastard who doesn't know where it's at, anyway!" Herschell ends up getting a job at the father's turkey farm, Anne gets him "hooked" on pot (illustrated by hilariously exaggerated Reefer Madness-style deep, wide-eyed drags) and scientists in lab jackets (who can't help but look at the camera immediately after reciting their ludicrous dialogue) trick him into eating chemicals that transform him into a turkey headed monster that gobbles, hangs people upside down, slits their throats and drinks the blood, all while dressed in flared bell-bottom pants! Oh Yeah! Camp Heaven! The best murder scene is a standout guy-getting-leg-cut-off-with-table-saw attack. Some real turkeys are beheaded, too, for additional gore. But the action stops cold when the on-screen, chain-smoking narrator (played by director Brad F. Grinter) reads preachy, Christian commentary off of cue cards on a desk in between loud coughing fits.

The big, muscular Hawkes (who starred in a couple of quickie Spanish-language Tarzan rip-offs as well) sports Elvis hair, thick sideburns and weird, blotchy skin (from what I've rear he was burnt up pretty badly at some point), and is one of the worst actors I can think of. Other cast members flub or forget their lines and often look directly at the camera and laugh! No one is credited with writing it on the version I have (the original VHS copy), but with lines directed toward Hawkes like, "He's strong, he's handsome and he enjoys being attractive to the opposite sex," I suspect he had his hand in there somewhere. Amazingly, this was originally given an X-rating in America.

The Something Weird DVD release is digitally remastered and super-stacked with goodies, including a gaggle of gory trailers and, best of all, two 'short subjects' featuring the two stars further embarrassing themselves. In The Walls Have Eyes (1969; self-described as 'skin noir') Hawkes and his drugged-out girlfriend 'Jody Baby' rendezvous at a scuzzy hole-in-the-wall only to fall prey to the perverted motel manager. And Grinter (who passed away in 1993) explains the virtues of his free-hangin' Florida nudist colony lifestyle in Brad Grinter, Nudist! Do NOT miss this movie.

SBIG

La coda dello scorpione (1971)

... aka: Case of the Scorpion's Tail, The
... aka: Scorpion's Tail, The
... aka: Tail of the Scorpion

Directed by:
Sergio Martino

I'm American so when dealing with foreign films (this one's an Italian-Spanish co-production), I'm willing to accept it when not all of the pieces fall exactly into place, especially in light that some things can become lost in translation from the original script to the English dubbing and/or subtitles. Nevertheless, this film leaves so many loose ends behind that it's difficult not to be feel a bit cheated at the end. It does however provide less-discriminate giallo fans with exactly what they want and expect to see, so it's not exactly a total washout, either. After an (obvious toy) airplane explosion kills her husband Kurt, London socialite Lisa Baumer ("Evelyn Stewart"/Ida Galli, who was used to much better effect in the underrated MURDER MANSION) is set to inherit one million dollars from an insurance policy. Not an ideal wife to begin with (she's in bed with one of her many lovers when she hears the "bad" news), we get the strong feeling that Lisa's days are seriously numbered and get an even stronger impression of this when an ex-lover who tries to blackmail her is knifed to death inside her apartment.

Lisa flees to Athens, Greece to both escape the killer and cash in the policy but is trailed by several characters; including Interpol agent Stavros (Luigi Pistilli) and insurance investigator Peter Lynch (George Hilton), both of whom seem to think that Lisa was somehow involved with planting explosives on the airplane. While in Greece, Lisa also meets up with her hubby's obnoxious short-fused mistress Lara (Janine Reynaud), who demands half the money... or else. Lara sends her "lawyer" Sharif (Luis Barboo) after Lisa with a switchblade, but Peter shows up just in time to save. A bit flustered, Lisa goes ahead and cashes the policy in, books an evening flight out to Tokyo and decides to spend her few hours left in Greece all alone in her hotel room. Big mistake. Someone dressed in the standard mad killer outfit (black outfit, leather gloves and mask), sneaks in, slashes her throat, guts her and walks away with her bag of money. A few more characters are introduced (including blonde Anita Strindberg as a journalist who hooks up with Peter), there are several more murders (including a memorable close-up eyeball gouging with a shard of glass) and the plot twists are laid on thick and heavy (handed). And, oh yeah... the scorpion of the title refers to a cuff-link left behind at the scene of an attack, which seems to have belonged to Lisa's (dead?) husband.

I know that gialli are known for their screwy storylines, but I had a difficult time dealing with some of the plot holes and multiple loose ends in the story. Some of the twists (particularly the identity of the mystery killer) are in annoying defiance to what we've already seen and don't make much sense. But as expected, the murder scenes are directed, lit and photographed with some style. The occasional cool green and red lighting brightens things up considerably. There's also one scene that Argento lifted wholesale for SUSPIRIA, as the killer teasingly tries to open a lock from between a crack in the door with a knife blade. Gore-wise, it is barely sufficient if you don't mind bright red blood. The cast is decent, with leads Hilton and Strindberg nice to look at, yet a little on the dull side. There's far less nudity here than in similar movies, with only Anita providing some brief topless nudity. Nicely scored by Bruno Nicolai. Overall it's about average from what I've seen in the genre.

★★