Horror Hall of Fame, The (1974) (TV)

... aka: ABC's Wide World of Entertainment: The Horror Hall of Fame
... aka: Horror Hall of Fame: A Monster Salute,The

Directed by:
Charles Braverman

Here's a real curio item from years ago: A videotaped TV production which debuted on the late night variety program ABC's Wide World of Entertainment and seems to have been filmed in front of a live studio audience. It's a fun, silly and dated (cue Let's Make a Deal, Kay Ballard and Liberace jokes!) yet informative, 70-minute salute to the horror genre. Our host, the delightful and enthusiastic Vincent Price, shows up on a graveyard set to open things with a pun-filled comic monologue. His hunchback sidekick Zuckman (a funny Billy Van, from the Canadian series The Hilarious House of Frightenstein) is the curator of the Horror Hall of Fame and foil for many of the jokes. Price enters "The Horror Hall of Fame Room," whose walls are adorned with pictures of his "old fiends" Lon Chaney, Lon Chaney Jr., Boris Karloff, Peter Lorre ("The lord high minister of all that is sinister") and Bela Lugosi. He then sits down for a chat with our first or several special guests; comedian Frank Gorshin, who does great impressions of Lugosi's Dracula, Karloff's Frankenstein Monster and The Mummy (if played by John Wayne). Price calls Karloff a brave and wonderful man and says even though he was badly crippled in his later years, he loved the genre so much that he'd get out of wheelchair just long enough to do his scenes.

Next up is a trip to a "special wing" of the mansion, which honors more recent horror stars such as Peter Cushing, Christopher Lee and Price himself, and then we get to see scenes from The Abominable Dr. Phibes (1971), Blacula (1971) and The Exorcist (1973). Off to the laboratory Price goes to have a chat with Dr. Murray Frankenstein (Ivor Barry), who promises us a monster by the end of the show. Price then goes on to discuss classic silent horror films, and we see clips of such films as The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1919), Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1920), The Golem (1920), Nosferatu (1922), The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1923) and The Phantom of the Opera (1925). The next guest is John Carradine, who discusses doing one of the very first horror plays on Broadway ("The Duchess of Malfi"), says he turned down the role of the Monster in Frankenstein and claims John Barrymore's pet vulture liked to get right in his face because of his "alcoholic breath."

John Astin shows up to discuss how psychiatrists found The Addams Family to be the healthiest family on television (which isn't hard to believe), look at some horror merchandise (including a copy of creative consultant Forrest J. Ackerman's Famous Monsters of Filmland, "one of the world's best selling magazines") and move into clips from the short Bambi Meets Godzilla (1969) and When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth (1970). In the dungeon, Price encounters special make-up fx artist William Tuttle, whom he says won the first ever Oscar awarded for make-up (an honorary award in 1965 for his work on 7 Faces of Dr. Lao). Tuttle discusses his first ever job on Mark of the Vampire (1935) and is given an assignment to transform up-and-coming actress Candy Clark into a monster.

Raymond T. McNally, author of In Search of Dracula, is up next to talk about the history of vampires and where all of the mythology stems from. Astin comes back to do a This Is Your Life style segment on Price, where he says The Raven (1963) was the most fun he had shooting a film and how Theatre of Blood (1973) was "the best horror movie I ever made." Astin then reads a Kevin Thomas (of the Los Angeles Times) quote praising the movie and saying if horror films were taken seriously in America like they were the rest of the world, the film would win an Oscar. We then get a clip from the soon-to-be-released Madhouse (1974).

Throughout, we see great clips from Mad Love (1935), The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms (1953), House of Wax (1953), Them! (1954), I Was a Teenage Werewolf (1957), The Blob (1958), The Pit and the Pendulum (1961), DIE, MONSTER, DIE! (1965), Dracula Has Risen from the Grave (1968) and Schlock (1973). According to this special, from 1897 to 1973 there had been "over 7 thousand pure horror movies made." This was never issued on video, but you can see the whole thing over on Youtube.

★★1/2

Demon House (2018)

Directed by:
Zak Bagans

Imagine you move into a new house and find yourself unnerved by strange noises, objects moving and numerous other unexplained events. Now imagine your children suddenly becoming possessed, turning vicious and violent, walking up walls backwards and speaking in deep, demonic voices. While making arrangements to move the hell out of there, what else might you be doing? Note that these supposed events aren't taking place in the 1970s but in 2012. You know, when everyone has a phone with a camera and hardly anyone can get through a single day without documenting their kids, pets, what they'd doing, where they're going and what they're having for dinner. Here we're basically asked to believe that the haunted woman in question, Latoya Ammons, and her family suffered through months of demonic activity, possession and supernatural terror and not once thought about picking up a camera to film any of it. Color me skeptical.

But what could possibly (no pun intended) possess people to just make up some story like this? Well, considering these filmmakers couldn't even get an on-camera interview with Ammons herself as she'd already sold her rights to her story to someone else, we already know the answer to that, just as we also know it's been proven countless times over that most people will exaggerate events once a camera is pointed at their face. Seeing how Ammons lives in an impoverished area of Gary, Indiana, this has the potential to become a gravy train for her and her family, just as similar stories have proven to be highly profitable for people like Ed and Lorraine Warren and the Lutz's of Amityville Horror fame.

Outside of hearsay and a few sketchy witnesses (one that Bagans himself admits on camera wouldn't talk until he paid him!), there's no concrete evidence nor anything substantive to back up Ammons. In lieu of that, our trusty filmmakers have decided to film reenactments of all of the events and add spooky sound effects and music. After endless interviews, our egomaniacal host and his crew then decide to investigate the home with their EMF meter and other gadgets and, again, provide no real proof of anything unless you count fuzzy "enhanced" EVPs and videos that mysteriously go out of focus when shadowy "black masses" appear. This is all tied together with Bagans' awful narration, which is horribly written and read in the flattest, most monotone manner imaginable.

After purchasing the supposed demon-infested home and filming enough material for this, "Demon House" was deemed "a portal to hell" and just "too evil" to remain standing and Bagans had it destroyed. Uh, so he destroyed a hotbed of demonic activity that would be invaluable for future theological and paranormal studies? And destroyed something that could conceivably prove something that 16 (!) seasons of Ghost Adventures never could: that supernatural forces and the afterlife do indeed exist? Sure, makes perfect sense. I first thought the home destruction was both a publicity stunt and a means to cover his own tracks to prevent further investigations into the home and Ammons' claims, and perhaps it partially is, but another motive is revealed in none-too-subtle fashion at the very end when Bagans announces that he's kept some haunted artifacts from demon house. And what a coinkydink, he's also recently opened his own "Haunted Museum" in Las Vegas where you get to pay 44 dollars to see them.

There are a number of anecdotes provided either by the supposedly afflicted or Bagans himself about visitors being affected by the home's demonic power. These include everything from having a bicycle accident to being diagnosed with cancer and prostate infections to getting evicted to quitting a job and moving to having to seek therapy to being compelled to tattoo 666 on their hand, start abusing eyeliner and taking a bunch of "Goth" photos of themselves. One crew member reports throwing up blood and bleeding from the ears, yet the film crew doesn't actually, ya know, film any of that. And then you have another woman who looks on the verge of laughing recounting a story about her daughter having the number 6 "engraved" on her back after having contact with the home. Naturally, she also forgot to take a picture of it just as anyone whose child miraculously woke up with a 6 carved on their back would just point, say "OMG!" and then go about their day without snapping a single photo. Seems legit.

Just when you think this can't sink any lower, Bagans also attempts to link the demons in this Indiana home to the murder/suicide of former GA contributors Mark and Debby Constantino. In 2015, Mark murdered Debby and a male friend of hers before committing suicide during a police stand-off. The couple had a long and well-documented history of domestic abuse, battery by strangulation, knife attacks, rape accusations and even kidnapping; much of which stretched further back than Ammons' fantastical stories. Now Bagans wants us to believe the Constantino murders were caused by demons; these demons? Honestly, does it really get any more pathetic than to degrade and demean victims of murder and domestic violence by scapegoating an abuser / murderer to help sell your stupid fucking pseudo-documentary?

I often wonder what the appeal of stuff like this is, but it's really not all that complicated. Some find is ridiculous and pitiful and unintentionally funny. Some approach this stuff apprehensively but with an open mind to evaluate the evidence presented. And there are people like me who get suckered in through our love of horror movies and love of movies involving ghosts, demons, etc. But there's also this other group who can't just rest easy in their own faith and are so desperate for proof of the afterlife they actually eat this embarrassing junk up simply because they want to believe it. Things like Ghost Adventures and this documentary provide them with the affirmation they desire.

Just as false prophet televangelists convince their flock that God speaks to them, comes to them in their dreams and wants them to hand over their money, Bagans has a similar scam going where ghosts contact him, he has visions of things like a "12 foot tall goat figure" (lol) in his dreams and then he makes a shit ton of money off of it. The real phenomenon here that requires further study isn't the supernatural, it's the people made of flesh-and-blood willing to buy what he's selling. Another study should be done as to why IMDb was flooded with 10 star reviews that were mysteriously sent in large numbers on the same exact days and with the same exact grammatical errors.

Speaking of IMDb, they've also removed their message boards to help minimize viewer dissent along with implementing an easy-to-abuse favorable / not favorable system to downgrade inconveniently negative reviews. But we're smarter than all that and not so easily fooled, right? And we also aren't fooled by genre sites like Dread Central praising this idiocy either, right? This is the same Dread Central that was actively promoting this swill for months prior to its release with a bunch of "exclusive" articles, a podcast interview, a Demon House "Artwork Premiere," an "Exclusive Q&A" with Bagans, various promotions of his Vegas "Haunted Museum" and more. In light of all that, their glowing review shouldn't come as much of a surprise, should it?  Actually, it's downright shameless, as is the fact the review is then allowed to factor into Rotten Tomatoes to boost its score. When reviews from supposed film experts and professional "critics" can be factored into a film's PR budget, that's just one more nail in the coffin as far as unbiased film criticism is concerned.

NO STARS!

Making of a Horror Film, The (1984)

Directed by:
None Credited / Unknown

This is a really fascinating curio item: A 52-minute documentary centered around the production of DON'T OPEN TILL CHRISTMAS (1984), a tasteless, gory, sleazy, mean-spirited and rather inept little British shocker about a psycho going around London viciously murdering men playing Santa Claus. The narrator informs us we're about to see “A day in the life of Dick Randall, motion picture producer” and then we see Randall (who proves to be quite the character here) sitting in a movie house watching the action on the big screen with another man as they view interviews, behind-the-scenes footage and clips from the actual film. Two girls dressed in Santa outfits expose their breasts for no apparent reason and then we're treated to a collage of some of the gory special effects featured in the film. The narrator then informs us that the film will have more to offer than just blood and guts. It will also offer plenty of “feminine pulchritude.” Edmund Purdom, former matinee idol of the 50s, would be making his directorial debut with the film. So what would attract him to such a sleazy, bloody film? Well, according to Purdom himself he became fascinated with horror and suspense movies after one of the four ex-wives attempted to electrocute him in the bathtub with a hair dryer! Next up we meet aspiring actress Allison, who'll be making her big screen debut as a peep show stripper in the film. After taking forever to film a simple scene, it's worth noting that Allison did not make the final cut and the role was later recast.

Back in the theater, Randall tells the guy interviewing him that anyone watching this are probably most wanting to see gore, so we next see a special effects scene as a Santa's neck gushes blood all over the place. Purdom can be heard dryly directing both the fx technician (“Pump. Pump. Pump.”) and the actor (“Hands. Hands. Hands.”); describing the blood-soaked aftermath as “Lovely.” The actor playing Santa in this footage is not the same actor who appears in the finished film. The narrator then informs us that Purdom was also later replaced by another director. Up next it special effects director Peter Litten, who talks about how they did a scene where a music box explodes in Purdom's face. 

Randall is then seen with American “money man” Steve Minasian, who's announced as a “co-producer of the successful Friday the 13th.” Minasian talks about working his way up from film distributor to  film producer and discusses the successful “Vomit Bag” gimmick that helped to make Mark of the Devil (1970) a big hit. He claims they spent over 100,000 dollars making the bags. Minasian says “People want to see blood” and also discusses his future plans on making a Last House on the Left sequel, which never happened.

Disguised in a wig and dark glasses, Valerie Ford (wife of the film's writer, Derek Ford) is then seen going to a butcher shop to order up “special effects” like sheep's entrails, a sheep's eye, some calf's liver and “the nearest meat really to, uh, human flesh” like “a piece of scrap venison.” To add to the indignity, she's then asked to go to a sleazy porno shop to find a dildo for a castration scene (“I'm, uh, I'm looking for a penis but, uh, I want a really natural-sized one... Can you wrap it, please?”). The butcher shop findings are then put to work in a scene where a Santa gets the top of his head blown off. The actor recruited to play the part claims they found him at a pub and are paying him with 2 bottles of scotch. The make-up artist captures a stray cat on the set that's supposedly been “... eating all of our special effects” and takes it outside.

Caroline Munro performs a musical number that's used in the film and is briefly interviewed, where she admits she enjoys more fantasy-oriented horror like Hammer's Dracula films to the gore-fest she's just signed on to appear in. Actors Gerry Sundquist and Belinda Mayne both describe the roles they play in the film and we get some more behind-the-scenes footage of on-location filming at a market where several street musicians perform, including one who sings several Elvis songs. Randall meets with a few studio musicians to have them work on a theme song that sounds like “a cross between 'Silent Night' or 'Jingle Bells' and something ominous.” 

A miserable-looking actor playing one of the Santa victims painfully attempts to get the latex make-up off after filming his scenes while Paula Meadows (who'd later go to America to appear in hardcore porn) discusses doing a “very painful” scene where she's hung upside down by her ankles while topless. Max Roman, who plays the department store Santa who gets his dick cut off while taking a piss, discusses his part and horror films in general. We even get to see a scene that didn't make the finished cut where a Santa gets Christmas lights forced into his mouth and then is electrocuted. At one point, a Margaret Thatcher impersonator flashes on the screen and Randall claims he found her at “the ugly agency.” He then reveals the film took “almost a year to make” and jokes about the possibility of the film becoming a banned video nasty and getting arrested for making it.

This mysterious production has no credits at all aside from the title written on a pane of glass with lipstick. The director is unknown. The producer is unknown. The guy conducting the interviews is unknown. Hell, the true intentions of this film aren't even known. It appears to be a promotional video for Don't, but it's so tongue-in-cheek and self-mocking it almost approaches mockumentary status. Randall and the interviewer / narrator frequently even poke fun at the film they're trying to promote, but I guess “fun” is the key word here. This is frequently hilarious and somehow manages to make Don't look like it will also be a fun film to watch, even though actually sitting through it is another story entirely. Even if this “Making of....” documentary amounts to little more than a few people taking the piss, I still had way more fun watching it than the full feature it's covering.

I don't know if this was ever seen prior to the 2005, when it was released as an extra on the Mondo Macabro DVD release of Don't. It also may have been edited together years after the fact. The title theme song for one of Randall's final productions; THE URGE TO KILL (1989) aka Attack of the Killer Computer, plays over some of the footage.

★★★