Troll (1986)

... aka: Torok the Troll
... aka: Troll: Creature of Evil

Directed by:
John Carl Buechler

Troll was one of the earliest films from executive producer Charles Band to show off his strange and obsessive love for evil and destructive little critters; a love that would be responsible for spawning dozens of similar films featuring killer puppets, killer toys, killer gnomes, killer bongs and, of course, killer gingerdead - er, gingerbread - cookies. You could call Troll the seed pod that helped to grow the Great Oak of Empire / Wizard / Shadow / Full Moon. And speaking of seed pods, how'd you like to see Sonny "I Got You Babe" Bono transform into one and then explode into a lush forest? Oh, what irony there! Noah Hathaway (fresh from The Neverending Story) stars as a young teen named Harry Potter Jr. (is J.K. Rowling a fan of this movie?!) who moves into a new San Francisco apartment building with his family. Dad, Harry Sr. (Michael Moriarty), is a book critic who has a huge collection of 3000 records he likes to seizure-dance to. Anna (Shelley Hack, better here than in The Stepfather, thankfully) is your typical cleanin' cookin' stay-at-home wife / mom. And let us not forget Wendy (Jenny Beck), who may look like a cute little blonde-haired, blue-eyed sprite... but looks can be deceiving.

While they're still unloading the moving van, Wendy has the misfortune of crossing paths with a mischievous troll in the downstairs laundry room. The troll immediately takes over her body and sets about causing as many problems as possible for her family and the other tenants in the building. Wendy begins eating like a pig, becomes disobedient and obnoxious, runs around screaming, growls, throws boxes around and bites people. Since she's now a troll, Wendy starts using her magical ring to change her habitat into the perfect stomping grounds for herself and other such creatures. She starts by taking out middle-aged sleazebag Peter Dickinson (Bono). With one touch of the ring, Peter turns into a pod, which explodes into vines and foliage, turning Peter's upstairs bachelor pad into a haven for little rubbery creatures. Wendy does the same thing to Barry Taybor (Gary Sandy), a marine / fitness buff / Ronald Reagan lover. The troll just bounces around from apartment to apartment taking over each space.

Eunice St. Clair (June Lockhart), the eccentric old lady who lives on the top floor, is a former princess who's now a witch / guardian living there to keep the trolls and fairies in check. Friendless and lonely, Harry Jr. befriends her and learns all about what's going on. Eunice has magical staffs and a talking mushroom named Galwin, and explains the origin of the troll causing all of the problems. The troll - named Torok - was banished by humans a long, long time ago and has used Walpurgis Night (the Witch's Sabbath) as a chance to take over the planet with his evil little friends. They're trying to create "the fourth dimension." Meanwhile, Julia Louis-Dreyfus (in her film debut) is transformed into a wood nymph and Wendy / Torok cozies up to Malcolm Mallory (Phil Fondacaro), a dying dwarf English professor, because she / it thinks he's an elf. Fondcaro - a regular in the director's films - also plays Torok.

A decent budget, imaginative (though often hokey) special effects and a few talented actors cannot save this melding of fantasy, horror and comedy elements; which misfires on most levels. It appears the filmmakers were wanting to cash in on the big fantasy film craze of the mid-80s - which resulted in such hits as The Dark Crystal, Labyrinth and Legend (all 1985 releases) - but their attempts at light whimsy are completely at odds with a roster of obnoxious characters. I think they're supposed to be quirky and funny, but they're really just over-the-top and irritating. The story takes far too long to delve into the mythology of the monsters and, after already being beaten into submission by a bunch of pea-brained gags and screaming buffoons, I found myself not really caring. Attempts at tugging at our heartstrings will result in more than a few pairs of eyeballs rolling, as well. There are a lot of variable special effects in this one. The troll itself - which was designed by director Buechler (making his debut here) - is excellent. Most of the rest of the creatures look identical to the cheesy / rubbery demons from the Ghoulies movies. At the end, there's a large bat creature (which doesn't even fly). John Vulich, Everett Burrell and Howard Berger also worked on the makeups.

Moriarty gets to goof off a bit but he's pretty much wasted here. Lockhart steals what there is to steal (not much, sadly). Her daughter Anne Lockhart gets to play a younger version of the same character. Band, along with his wife Debra Dion (the associate producer), father Albert Band (the producer) and mother Jacquelyn Band, all have cameos on TV sets. Parts of Richard Band's score were reused for From Beyond (1986) and posters for the Band films Parasite (1982) and Ragewar (1984) can be seen on the son's bedroom walls.

Irony of all ironies, the popularity of this film (which was shot in Italy and was a big money-maker in theaters and on video) has been completely eclipsed in recent years by the hilariously awful unrelated Italian "sequel" Troll 2 (1990). CRAWLERS (1990), another Italian film, took the title of Troll III at one point. Neither Troll 2 nor Troll III actually featured trolls.

★1/2

It's Alive III: Island of the Alive (1986)

... aka: Baby Killer III
... aka: Island of the Alive
... aka: It's Alive 3
... aka: It's Alive 3: Island of the Alive

Directed by:
Larry Cohen

Mutant baby births have now become a rather common occurrence and it was only a matter of time until these matters have to be settled in a court of law. Unsuccessful actor Stephen Jarvis (Michael Moriarty), father of one such baby, has done just that. Despite being "scared shitless" by his mutant offspring, Stephen is able to demonstrate in front of a compassionate judge (Macdonald Carey) that the baby isn't just a monstrous killing machine, but also receptive to kindness and love. He pleads that his child, as well as other such babies, be quarantined somewhere and given a chance at a life with their own kind. And his wishes are granted as the five babies they currently have in captivity are sent to an uncharted, unpopulated island to be kept top secret from the public. Stephen goes to see Ellen (Karen Black), his estranged ex-wife and mother of the baby. Ellen has been so traumatized by the event that she's fled to a new city, had surgery to prevent further pregnancies, doesn't want anyone in her "new life" to know about her past and has moved on in her love life and is in a new relationship. Still, Ellen's proud of Stephen for championing for the life of the child they created together and can't help but wonder what may have been if the baby hadn't destroyed their relationship.

Lonely and having not been with a woman since Ellen, Stephen decides to bite when he's propositioned by a prostitute (Laurene Landon) at a carnival. In a scene directly referencing the growing AIDS epidemic of the 80s, the hooker flips out and tells Stephen what a "sick freak" he is for not revealing he was the father of one of the babies before she slept with him. Stephen, who's spokesperson for a Parent's Rights group, has no interest in making money off of this tragedy, but as part of the contract with his attorney (Patch Mackenzie) he's already inadvertently signed over print, TV and movie rights to his story. Pretty soon, there's a lie-filled best-selling book out (which Stephen has no hand in writing) and Stephen's face is plastered everywhere. He tries to move on with his life as assistant manager of a children's shoe store (where he hilariously tells one bitchy customer they have a conspiracy to ruin children's feet), but is brought back into action when the judge who ruled in his favor (and that no one is to set foot on the until-then confidential island) dies.

Four years have passed since the babies were dropped off and Dr. Swenson (Art Lund) wants to briefly return to the island to check in on them. How much have they grown? Has their demeanor changed any? His plan is to stop in, shoot the babies with tranquilizer darts, take blood samples, kill one of the infants for vivesectory research and then leave. He also wants Lt. Perkins (James Dixon), who has plenty of experience dealing with killer babies having already been in IT'S ALIVE (1974) and IT LIVES AGAIN (1978), as well as Stephen, to accompany the expedition. No one is aware that years earlier some men from a pharmaceutical company had already snuck on the island via helicopter and been quickly slaughtered by the babies. Stephen, now a jab-slinging, cynical wise ass (like can do that to ya, you know?), manages to get under the skin of some of the uptight doctors on their sailboat journey to the island. Upon arrival, the "babies" - now even larger than humans - get under everyone's skin in a different kind of way. After slaughtering the entire crew, save for Stephen and Lt. Perkins (who's left behind on the island), the mutants take control of the sailboat and have Stephen sail a course toward America. Stephen's son wants to hunt down his mother in Florida and throws Stephen overboard so his fellow mutants want to eat him.

After escaping from the clutches of Fidel Castro in Cuba (!) with help from some defectors, Stephen arrives in Florida shortly after the mutants and sets about finding Ellen. The mutants - who've come down with a skin rash and appear to be dying - get involved in a few run-ins with locals, including killing a bunch of punks who try to gang rape a girl as well as a sleazeball who tries to blackmail Ellen into sleeping with him. The film ends with a police raid on Ellen's apartment building and the mutants revealing their true reason for hunting her down.

Though the first film had some black comedy and the second was virtually humor free, this third and final chapter has loads of comedy, much of which actually IS funny. The film maintains the social awareness of the previous entries (commenting on a multitude of then-topical issues) while adding more gore, more action, more babies, more special effects and more laughs to the proceedings. It's a crazy mix and gets to be a bit much by the end, but the film has an anything-goes quirky energy to it that helps it along. Moriarty gives his usual offbeat Larry Cohen film performance and his character will either have you in stitches or annoy the piss out of you. Personally, I liked him a lot in this. During one very funny scene at a party when Moriarty's Stephen gets sick of being exploited by everyone around him, he decides to play along by telling Baby Jarvis jokes and and signing autographs as "Father of the Monster." The rest of the cast is good, too. Aside from those already mentioned, Gerrit Graham appears in the lengthy courtroom scene, Neal Israel plays a seasick doctor Moriarty tests a tranquilizer gun out on and Dawn Wildsmith can be seen dancing in a punk club.

Bernard Herrmann's title theme is reused and the film was nicely shot by Daniel Pearl. The island scenes were filmed on location in Hawaii. The uneven special effects (the make-ups are from Steve Neill) sometimes utilize stop-motion animation and the grown mutants look like infants on steroids. The entire series was released on video and DVD by Warner Brothers.

★★1/2

Reborn (1981)

...aka: Renacer

Directed by:
Bigas Luna

Review coming soon.

★★1/2

Q: The Winged Serpent (1982)

...aka: Serpent

...aka: Q

...aka: Winged Serpent, The

Directed by:

Larry Cohen

Review coming soon.

★★★

Stuff, The (1985)

Directed by:

Larry Cohen

Review coming soon.

★★

God Told Me To (1976)

...aka: Demon

Directed by:

Larry Cohen

Review coming soon.

★★★

Blood Link (1982)

...aka: Blood Link - Blutspur

...aka: Extrasensorial

...aka: Link, The

Directed by:

Alberto De Martino

Here's a pretty decent horror-thriller (an Italian/ U.S./ West German co-production); some even include this title on their list of gialli. Dr. Craig Mannings (Michael Moriarty) suffers from disturbing, blurry visions of killing women he's never met before. His psycho, impotent identical twin brother Keith (also played by Moriarty), believed to have been killed in a fire many years back, is actually responsible. The two were Siamese twins at one point, were separated and now share a "bond," seeing everything through each other’s eyes. Moriarty is excellent in this dual role. When Craig travels to Germany (home of his brother) the understandably confused local cops pin the murder rap on him. There are some plot holes here, but this movie deserves better treatment (and distribution) that what it's had. It's interesting throughout, well photographed, has a fun (but small) role for Cameron Mitchell (as Bud Waldo, an aging boxer/victim), is full of female nudity (including Ohio-born 1973 Playboy Playmate Martha Smith) and has an Ennio Morricone score. Penelope Milford (not long after her Oscar nomination for COMING HOME and playing the good doctor's girlfriend) and Sarah Langenfeld (Mitchell's daughter) co-star, and Geraldine Fitzgerald and Virginia McKenna both have small roles.

.

There's no DVD release for this one yet and the Embassy video release (which came out in 1985) is long out-of-print.

★★1/2