House (1986)

... aka: House: Ding Dong, You're Dead

Directed by:
Steve Miner

Made by numerous Friday the 13th series alumni (including director Miner and producer Sean S. Cunningham), this horror-comedy is all over the place but at least tries to do something a bit different than the norm. Roger Cobb (William Katt) is a famous writer who's picked a poor time to start suffering from writer's block: his agent is threatening to take back an advance paid on a follow-up to his hugely successful first book "Blood Dance" if he doesn't have something else for him in a month. Luckily for him, his kooky Aunt Elizabeth (Susan French) has just hung herself and he's inherited her large Victorian-style home and all of its belongings. Roger initially puts the house up for sale, but then begins to have second thoughts. This is no ordinary house, but the house he grew up in and the house he was raised in after his mother passed away. It also happens to be the last place he saw his son Jimmy before he vanished into thin air never to be seen again. Roger decides that instead of going through with the sale, he's going to move in. For starters, he needs the solitude to concentrate, but he'd also like to get to the bottom of his seemingly-happy aunt's suicide-by-hanging death and uncover what happened to his son.

Roger wants his new book to be all about his experiences in the Vietnam war. While he works on the novel, he has flashbacks to his service days, as well as nightmares, hallucinations and flashbacks about both his aunt and his son, as well as either hallucinations or real visions of grotesque monsters which may or may not be ghosts yet may be hallucinations caused by the haunted house itself or may not exist at all and are just figments of Roger's imagination because he's actually going crazy from all of the stress life has thrown his way. The house itself may not even be haunted at all, but actually a portal to another dimension where numerous creatures dwell. Yeahhhh, that about sums it all up. The screenplay seems to be aiming for allegory in regards to overcoming life's demons, but I'm not quite sure a goofy 80s haunted house horror-comedy needed to be so bloody complicated. The ending fails to tie up the numerous loose ends and it also never seems to find the right tone. One minute it's as goofy, lighthearted and even cutesy as can be and the next it's completely serious dealing with subject matter like post traumatic stress, survivor's guilt, abducted children, divorce, depression and suicide. It's a bold mix but never really comes together. Regardless, there's still a lot of other things to enjoy.

The cast all do their best to try to sell this. Katt, one of those busy but overlooked "everyman" actors I appreciate more the more I see of him, does fine in the lead role and there are several bright and entertaining supporting performances. George Wendt (then known for the TV series Cheers) is great as the nosy next-door neighbor Harold, who suffers from a case of foot-in-mouth disease but can also be helpful and even insightful ("Solitude's always better with someone else around.") in his own annoying way. Big guy Richard Moll (then known for the TV series Night Court) appears in the 'Nam flashbacks as a reckless squad member who features prominently in Katt's novel (and his list of personal regrets). Blonde former Miss World Mary Stavin also has a fun role as another of Roger's new neighbors, who uses her looks to her advantage and cons Roger into a night of free babysitting. The other big name here is Kay Lenz, who plays the ex-wife who still loves and cares about her former spouse. Lenz is a very good actress but her talents are under-utilized in this particular role. In small parts are  Michael Ensign as a real estate agent, Billy Beck, Steven Williams, Alan Autry, Mindy Sterling, Dwier Brown and Ronn Carroll.

Perhaps the best aspect of all is the amount of monsters on display. There's a big clawed mutant living in the closet, a fat / wrinkly old witch whose arm continues to live on despite being severed, a couple of little goblins, a stuffed and mounted swordfish coming to life, an armed zombie soldier and, toward the end, even a stop-motion-animated skull with wings. All of these special effects are great fun and some even appear to have inspired certain moments from both of Sam Raimi's Evil Dead sequels. Harry Manfredini was in charge of the score, so you'll hear familiar bits of music from the Friday sequels re-used, particularly Part V. The end theme is a cover of "You're No Good."

On a budget of 3 million dollars, House grossed nearly 20 million in U.S. theaters alone; enough to edge its way into the Top 50 by year's end. Its success led to two official sequels: HOUSE II: THE SECOND STORY (1987) and HOUSE IV: HOME DEADLY HOME (1992). There's a jump between 2 and 4 because an unrelated film called THE HORROR SHOW (1989) had been released in Europe as House 3, so to avoid further confusion they simply skipped ahead to Part 4 here in America.

★★1/2

Carrie (1976)

Directed by:
Brian De Palma

With the current big budget remake of Carrie (directed by Kimberly Pierce) currently playing in theaters, I figured it was about time the original classic finally got a write-up on here. I'll start out by saying that I'm not sure whether or not I'm even going to bother watching the latest adaptation of the Stephen King novel. I've already read up on it quite a bit and all I see are mostly indifferent reviews from critics and lots of bickering on internet message boards. Morbid curiosity will probably get the better of me eventually, but I'm sure as hell not going to pay to see yet another lesser version of an already perfectly fine film. Going to the cinema to watch these things only ensures more of the same and I'm done giving lazy filmmakers and producers my hard-earned money, and thus showing my approval, for what they're doing. The general consensus of fans of the original seems to be that the remake is a pale copy that brings absolutely nothing new to the table and is subpar in every way imaginable to De Palma's original. Remake defenders state the original is dated and this new one updates both the story and the special effects to contemporary times for a new generation. And that's pretty much all I had to hear to finalize my decision on skipping out on Carrie 2013 for the time being.

Even without seeing this newest version, I still have a bone to pick with many of its fans for pulling out the tired "It's dated" card. Anyone who frequents movie message boards is already well-acquainted with this lame defense mechanism. It's all about finding ways to denigrate the original, even for the most asinine and ridiculous reasons imaginable, in an attempt to boost up the newer one. While no film is perfect, and the original Carrie is no exception to that rule, 70s era fashions and hairdos most certainly do not deaden or lessen its impact one bit to a modern viewer; at least not those hopelessly stuck on small superficial details. 

Well over three and a half decades later, the film still tells a harrowing story about what it's like to be an outcast during an already-confusing time in one's life, and also stands as an astute warning to those who like to poke hornet's nests with sticks. If you do, you pretty much deserve what you have coming to you. In addition to its still relevant themes, the compelling central performances, the artistry of De Palma's direction (which has about the best use of split-screen you will see), the haunting elegance of Pino Donaggio's score and the star spangled beauty of Mario Tosi's cinematography, all ensure that the original will forever remain a classic. We'll see how well-regarded Carrie 2013 is by 2050. And with that, I'm done talking about the new Carrie... until it pops up on the Lifetime Network here in about two years and I have nothing else to watch.

Aside from what De Palma and his crew brought to the table, Carrie's enduring popularity can also be attributed to a trio of terrific performances. The first, of course, comes from Sissy Spacek as the meek, shy, abused outsider who's tormented by her peers at school and has to deal with even worse problems at home. Spacek's impressive performance, a breakout role which garnered her an Oscar nomination, has two very distinct layers to it. While she always enlists our sympathies, she's also downright scary when push comes to shove and, decked in a coat of crimson pig's blood, her telekinetic powers are unleashed in all their fury. Whether victim or avenger, we learn to genuinely care for the character, which makes the build-up to the inevitable tragic climax all the more powerful, and Spacek deserves all the accolades she received for helping to make that happen. Piper Laurie, who also received an Oscar nomination, gives the second standout performance; a scenery-chewing, barnstorming interpretation of a nutso religious fanatic that, once seen, is never forgotten. The third performance of note comes from Betty Buckley, who is often overlooked in favor of the two leading ladies, but in her own way is equally impressive as tough yet tender-hearted gym teacher Miss Collins; one of the few people to show our troubled protagonist a little compassion.

Much of the rest of the cast also contribute pretty solid work. Nancy Allen (who'd later marry the director) is perfectly detestable as Chris; the extremely nasty girl who masterminds the cruel Prom prank on Carrie with help from her moronic boyfriend (a pre-Saturday Night Fever John Travolta; who's actually about the weakest acting link here). Amy Irving (who'd later marry Steven Spielberg) offers a counter-balance as Sue, who puts her popularity at risk trying to help out her tormented classmate by offering up her own boyfriend Tommy (William Katt) as a Prom Night date. P.J. Soles and Edie McClurg (as a few of the other mean girls), Sydney Lassick (teacher), Stefan Gierasch (principal) and Irving's real-life mother Priscilla Pointer as same round out the cast. Apparently a joint casting call was placed for this and Star Wars (1977), with some actors chosen for this project and some going to the other. It was clearly a win win situation for whoever managed to book a job that day. The director's son, Cameron De Palma, appears briefly as an obnoxious little boy riding a bike.

An extremely successful film, both commercially and critically, Carrie spawned its share of clones and a flop Broadway musical that lasted only two weeks, as well as many more genre films meant to appeal directly to a teenage audience. It however wouldn't be until 1999 that an official sequel emerged. Despite not being too bad of a movie overall, Katt Shea's The Rage: Carrie II (which featuring Irving reprising her role), received poor to middling reviews and didn't quite set the box office on fire. Nevertheless, a made-for-TV mini-series was released just three years later. Though more faithful to the book and boasting a strong central performance from Angela Bettis, the overall effect was muted by a 3-hour run-time, a pointless framing device and ugly cinematography. It didn't help matters that the horrific Prom massacre was reduced to a barrage of horrible CGI effects and a moronic, misconceived twist was grafted onto the end. (Apparently, they wanted to turn the movie into a TV series at one point. Yikes!) Oh well, feel free to ignore all that if you want. The original's not going anywhere and it's easy to find. Personally, I think it's one of the few examples of a film being better than its source novel (it was adapted by Lawrence D. Cohen).

★★★1/2

Naked Obsession (1990)

Directed by:
Dan Golden

Sounds like one of those generic, interchangeable erotic thrillers you could stumble across flipping through the channels at 3am, right? Yep. Sure does. But titles can be - and often are - deceiving. This is actually something of a gem, made in the early days of direct-to-cable and video erotica when these movies, first and foremost, had to cut it as actual movies, with at least a semblance of a plot, actors with talent and / or some artistry. This one has all of that, as well as a sharp, funny and sometimes insightful screenplay. Though there's plenty of nudity, strip acts and some kinky sex thrown in for good measure, what this is really about is a man in the midst of a mid-life crisis who feels like he's living a lie and is ready for a reevaluation of what's truly important to him. Behind the pretty wife, the nice house in the respectable neighborhood and the cushy job with plenty of room for advancement lies a man who feels unfulfilled and bored by it all. City councilman Franklyn Carlyle (William Katt) is that man. He's on the fast track to becoming the city's mayor and, working in conjunction with an opportunistic lobbyist (Tommy Hinkley), has come up with just the project to seal the deal. Dante's Square, the "bad" area of the city filled with derelicts, drunks, prostitutes, strippers and other undesirables, could use a renovation. Eliminate the trash, build a mall, some condos and a church; "clean up the city" and the election is his for the taking.

Late one night, Franklyn decides to scout Dante's Square when someone yanks him out of his car, hits him over the head wth a 2x4 and steals both his wallet and his wheels. When he comes to, a homeless man named Sam Silver (Rick Dean) is hovering over him. Though a drunk, Sam is no idiot. In fact, he's intelligent, witty and has a real way with words. "Life ain't permanent. Don't take it so seriously," he tells the shaken politician before taking him to the seedy Ying Yang strip club. The pay phone's busy, so Sam buys Franklyn a drink instead and the two decide to sit down and enjoy the show. Beautiful, flirtatious dancer Lynne (Maria Ford) is immediately drawn to Franklyn and vice versa. After performing her routine and Franklyn's about to head out the door, Lynne shoots him such a shy, sweet smile that you just know Franklyn's not going to forget about her. In fact, he's back there the very next night, but not before trying to ignite some passion into his sterile marriage to the uptight Saundra (Wendy MacDonald), who's simply not interested.

Heading back to Dante's Square, Franklyn runs into both Sam and Lynne once again. He makes sure to pay Sam back for the other night with a bottle of booze (he prefers it blood red and warm) and decides to give Lynne a lift back home, where she introduces the reserved politician to the joys of oxygen deprivation sex. Though things get a little rough, both part ways happy. The following day, Franklyn - scared he might get exposed for the affair - returns to Lynne's apartment to ask she keep things confidential, only to discover her being hauled out on a stretcher with a rope wrapped around her neck. A detective (former 49ers linebacker Roger Craig) immediately chases after him until Sam intervenes and then things get even stranger as Sam proves to be not quite human and in possession of some otherworldly powers, Franklyn's wife turns out to be having an affair of her own with the lobbyist and other people turn up dead.

Considering I could probably watch Ford perform strip acts for 90 minutes and be perfectly content with just that, this has the added bonus of humor, originality and visual style (neon-lit nights and some interesting black-and-white sequences). The film is well-made, well-written, imaginative and unpredictable, and the cast is also pretty good, with Katt doing a fine job in the lead role and Ford bringing her usual sweetness and vulnerability to a role that would have come off as just trashy in most other's hands. Apparently the director was originally going to cast porn queen Ginger Lynn Allen in the role. Glad he didn't. The big revelation here, though, is Rick Dean as the wise, enigmatic vagrant who describes how all cities need a balance between the dark and the light to cater to an individual's unique taste and tries to convince Franklyn that he's better off learning to embracing his repressed dark side: "There's nothing wrong with the dark, you spend half your life in it. The problem is most people have their eyes closed." Talented character actor Dean (who sadly passed away in 2006) is great in this role; one of the largest and most memorable of his career. He'd play a somewhat similar part in Stripteaser (1995), which was also set in a strip club and again starred Ms. Ford.

It was produced by Roger Corman and released by Corman's Concorde / New Horizons label on VHS. Unfortunately, there is no DVD as of this writing. Hope that changes one day. Also turning up in the cast are Elena Sahagun as Franklyn's loyal and overly protective secretary, director Fred Olen Ray as the strip club MC, porn actress Madison Stone (who appeared in Ray's Evil Toons the same year) as a stripper and an unbilled Michelle Bauer as a table dancer.

★★★