Island, The (1980)

... aka: Dødens farvann (Waters of Death)

... aka: Freibeuter des Todes (Privateer of Death)

... aka: Fruktans ö (Island of Fear)

... aka: Het Eiland der Verschrikking (The Island of Terror)

... aka: Les zombies de l'île sanglante (Zombies of the Bleeding Island)

... aka: L'île sanglante (The Bloody Island)

... aka: Rémségek szigete (Island of Horrors)

Directed by:

Michael Ritchie

Big things were expected from The Island back in 1980. For starters, it was another terror-on-the-high-seas concept based on a best-selling novel by Peter Benchley, whose previous novel Jaws became the basis for the #1 highest grossing film of the entire previous decade. Jaws producers David Brown and Richard D. Zanuck returned and Benchley was even able to adapt his own book. Second, The Island had a production budget of 22 million dollars. While that sounds like peanuts for a major studio release these days, it was quite a large budget back then, equivalent to over 90 million dollars when adjusted for inflation. For a reference point, consider the budget of The Empire Strikes Back, the top grossing film of 1980, was 18 million dollars, and the budget of The Shining, which rather famously took forever to be planned, cast and filmed due to Kubrick's meticulous nature and demand for massive sets to be constructed, was 19 million. Throw in a director who'd made several surprise hits the previous decade, a score from the ever-reliable Ennio Morricone, a well-known cast headlined by Michael Caine and a plot touching on the then-topical Bermuda Triangle myth and what do you get? Well, in this case, a financial bomb that received scathing reviews and the worst kind of press imaginable.

Upon release, The Island debuted at #4 at the box office and sunk pretty quickly after that. Critics lambasted the acting, the plot, the often-laughable dialogue, the bloated production and (most especially) the level of violence. Several of the actors (including Caine) refused to discuss the movie or help promote it. The film was also included in the very first Razzie Awards ceremony, receiving nominations for Worst Actor and Worst Director. And, in some strange way, already knowing much of the above going in and setting my expectations accordingly actually helped my enjoyment of this one somewhat.

A boat full of old rich guys get slaughtered somewhere in the Caribbean but there's no sign of the boat, wreckage or any bodies later. If this were an isolated incident, New York newspaper columnist Blair Maynard (Caine) probably wouldn't think much of it but, in just three years' time, 600 ships and several thousand people have vanished in the same area according to Coast Guard records. When John asks for funds from his editor to go to Florida to investigate, he's greeted with skepticism ("Bermuda Triangle bullshit!") but manages to talk him into it. Afterward, Maynard learns that his ex-wife has slipped town with her new boyfriend and left their 12-year-old son, Justin (Jeffrey Frank), in his care for the weekend. Maynard decides to take Justin along with him to Florida, figuring after he asks a few questions and snoops around they may have time to swing over to Disney World.

Upon arrival in Miami, Maynard charters a plane from the sketchy Stark (Brad Sullivan), whose half-burnt face red flags how successfully he's pulled off his previous flights, to get them to the barely-populated island of Navidad located deep within "the asshole of the Western world." Stark manages to get them there... barely. The plane blows up soon after skidding down the runway with the wheels still up, prompting local cop Westcott (Zakes Mokae) to arrest the pilot until he can be compensated for the damages. The following morning, Maynard and Justin are able to charter a boat from Dr. Windsor (Frank Middlemass) to go fishing. While out on the ocean, the two run across a young girl floating in the water and, next thing they know, they're being attacked, knocked out and awakening somewhere else entirely.

The island of the title is an uncharted one lost in a sea of over 1200 others that's populated by a fairly large group of dirty, rotten-toothed buccaneers who have somehow managed to avoid civilization for the past 300+ years. Of course, they're also the ones who've been responsible for the rash of disappearances; attacking various boats, pillaging their goods, killing most of the adults and kidnapping the children to add to their ranks. Due to the amount of inbreeding over the years, most of the pirate population is infertile, so they must replenish their numbers by kidnapping whatever children they can get their hands on, as well as some of the more youthful adult females to use as "breeding stock."

The pirates (played almost exclusively by British character actors) speak broken, sometimes incoherent English with some Spanish words and some seemingly made-up words sprinkled throughout their banter, often making their gibberish a real headache to get through. The society has a majority-rule democratic governance of sorts, as well as a guide book of laws they call "Covenant". The book claims that that "A child shall lead" them and pirate chieftain John David Nau (David Warner) starts to suspect that child may be Justin because he shares a last name with the man who killed Blackbeard and thus may be one of his descendants. Justin is promptly separated from his father and goes through a torture / brainwashing regime conducted by Hizzoner (Colin Jeavons).

Meanwhile, Caine's character has to make amends for his past actions. Prior to blacking out, he had shot and killed one of the pirate men and is now required to take that man's place. That also means taking over husbandly duties and impregnating the now-widowed Beth (Angela Punch McGregor). After he's nursed back to health, Caine is shackled in the woman's hut, walked around on a chain like a dog on a leash, gets a Vaseline handjob (!) and is basically treated like a sex slave. Maynard, a Korean War vet who possesses some survivalist skills, attempts several unsuccessful escapes and somehow manages to avoid being executed despite constant threats of such. Developing feelings for him, Beth becomes somewhat of an ally and helps save him multiple times, but will he be able to escape and find a way to deprogram his son, who has now been turned against him?

I've seen some cinematic tonal nightmares in my day, but this about takes the cake! Part of the time it feels like a kid's adventure movie. The entire set-up of a busy career man and his estranged son trying to reconnect over holiday, which takes up most of the first half hour, has been used a number of times in various family movies. In addition, quite a bit of focus is put on the juvenile characters, there are dumb gags involving things like stinky feet, cartoon-like scalawags constantly acting goofy and mugging for the camera and out-of-left-field attempts at humor, including an embarrassing scene where the pirates attack a schooner transporting cocaine and have to do battle with some martial artist who makes kung fu movie "hee-ya!" noises as he fights (!)

Needless to say, none of the above blends well with the more adult-oriented content. There's nudity, sex, a high body count, slasher-style gore murders with hatchets going into heads, throats being slashed and an bloody axe disembowelment, kidnapping, drugs, and even jellyfish nipple torture. Sometimes the film seems like it wants to be taken seriously, at other times it doesn't, and there are many scenes where you have no clue what kind of tone they were even shooting for. That's especially obvious in a bit where the pirates slaughter an entire Coast Guard crew, which is set to heroic-sounding swashbuckling music and - I think - was supposed to be funny. I'm also not sure if the finale, featuring Caine mowing down nearly the entire supporting cast with a machine gun Rambo-style, is supposed to be hilarious or not, though it is.

On the plus side, the Antigua and Barbuda locations are nicely-photographed by Henri Decaë, the production values are lavish and the art direction, costumes (from Ann Roth, who'd later win two Oscars), props and such are all good. The action scenes are proficiently directed and edited and the cast (also including Don Henderson, Dudley Sutton and Reg Evans as pirates) isn't terrible. So while this can certainly be considered a misfire, it's at least not a boring one.

As is the case with most other major studio films, this has been well-distributed on the global home video market ever since its 1981 VHS debut on the MCA label. Universal gave the film a DVD release in 2011 as part of their "Vault Series" and that was followed by a 2012 Blu-ray release from Shout! Factory. Both of these releases are bare bones with no notable special features, which I suppose is to be expected when it comes to a bastard stepchild movie that most of the key players would rather forget.

★★

Hostile Takeover (1988)

... aka: Devastator, The
... aka: Noite dos Reféns (Hostages Night)
... aka: Office Party
... aka: Office Party - Geiselnahme im Büro (Office Party: Hostage in the Office)
... aka: Secuestro en la oficina (Office Kidnapping)
... aka: Sindrome implacable (Restless Syndrome)

Directed by:
George Mihalka

Eugene Brackin (David Warner) is polite, mind-mannered and honest, a very hard worker and the exact type of guy the phrase "He wouldn't even hurt a fly" was coined for. He's even volunteered to go into the office on a Saturday while most of his other colleagues are enjoying their weekend, only this time he's brought along a suitcase. He tells his attractive-and-she-knows-it young coworker, Sally (Kate Vernon), that he's going on a small trip once he leaves there. Another of his colleagues, Joan (Jayne Eastwood), can't help but brag about how much she respects Eugene and his work ethic. Larry Gaylord (Michael Ironside), who manages the office, doesn't even seem to notice as he's too busy making passes at the disinterested Sally, who scoots away from him and motions to the framed photo of Larry's wife on the desk to get him to stop. The four work until nightfall. As they grab their coats, turn off the lights and prepare to leave, they realize someone's put a bike lock on the door. Before they can make heads or tails of the situation, Eugene's suitcase is opened. Inside are guns and handcuffs. He's also thrown away the key to the lock. After cuffing everyone to chairs, Eugene offers up no answers to any of their questions. He won't tell them why he's taking them hostage or even how long he plans of keeping them there. He doesn't want money. He promises not to kill anybody. And he's not trying to make any kind of political statement. The only hint he ever drops is his insistence that "the circle must be completed."

There seems to be little rhyme or reason behind Eugene's actions. When Joan's husband calls looking for her, Eugene flat out tells him he's holding her hostage, recommends he call the police and recommends the police not get too close to the building or else he's firing. Cops quickly arrive at the scene and don't heed the warning. Eugene opens fire and blows a van up. More police, led by put-upon police chief Greg Smolen (Will Lyman), show up and surround the building. Smolen frequently talks to Eugene on the phone but is unable to pry anything useful out of him nor get him to agree to cooperate with the authorities. However, he senses this is a unique situation that may go against usual police protocol. Mayor Steve (John Vernon) also turns up but he's mostly worried about losing votes in an upcoming election and what this little stunt is going to cost the city.

Eugene has childhood flashbacks where his sadistic father chases him around in the woods with a rifle, orders him to "Bark like a dog!" and calls him a "spineless little prick!" Larry has a dream he shoots Eugene in the head and becomes the hero while Sally has a flashback to arguing with the vice president of the company, who promised her the managerial position but then gave it to Larry instead. She believes that was due to sexism while Larry accuses her of trying to sleep her way to the top, which is possible considering she and the v.p. were lovers. We also learn a bit more about Joan, who was a chance-taking feminist in her youth before settling into her current ordinary, ordered life. Still, she's haunted by an illegal abortion she had when she was younger which has left her unable to have children.

Tensions mount on the ground as disagreements about how to handle the situation form. Smolen believes the situation can be resolved without resorting to violence, while the impatient Mayor wants to resolve the crisis a.s.a.p. even if that means a few lives are lost in the process. He recommends Smolen "stop mollycoddling that asshole!" and brings in gung ho special weapons and tactics expert Lieutenant Garlis (Anthony Sherwood), whom Smolen describes as "a redneck trapped in a black man's body." It's clear the two won't be able to work together, especially when Garlis gives an unflattering press interview that angers Brackin and then places a marksman on a roof without the police chief's knowledge. In an effort to try to win back Brackin's trust, Smolen even tells him about the sniper and to stay away from the windows. Can this dire situation possibly be resolved without anyone dying?

This truly bizarre, but quite originally presented, little psychological drama came and went without much fanfare in the 80s but it's worth a look. Most of the film takes place in a drab and nearly empty third floor office room, but the director manages to dress things up nicely utilizing color, surreal flourishes, black comedy and horror imagery. Each of the office workers and the main cop are given character building moments here that are achieved not only through the dialogue but flashbacks, nightmares, hallucinations and poetic voice-overs. During one scene, Larry envisions his wife fucking the company president on the floor in the middle of a party. The cop delivers an eloquent monologue as he steps around faceless, bloody bodies, which is strikingly captured via a long tracking shot looking up through a glass table. Moments like these keep this from devolving into a routine hostage thriller. There's a decent amount of blood, a bit of sex and even some office politics thrown in for good measure.

Alas, it's not all good news. Something clearly got fucked up with the sound during production. While some of the dialogue seems to have been recorded during filming, much of the rest was poorly looped in later. That results in a lot of wonky and unintentionally funny ADR, which is especially evident during the scenes with the police. Some of the police dialogue is terrible, too. You can tell they intended it to sound bad ass and hard-edged, but it just comes off as hokey most of the time. A good primary cast helps to alleviate some of those issues. Warner and Ironside have both made careers out of playing assorted weirdos, crazies and bad guys, so their roles as the motiveless hostage taker and the corporate asshole fit both like a glove. John Vernon is the other big name and gets typecast yet again as a foul-mouthed ("Show some fuckin' decorum!") pushy jerk, but that's why we love him, right? Veteran character actress Eastwood is good as per usual and newcomer Kate Vernon (John's real-life daughter) is adequate.

Based on Michae A. Gilbert's novel Office Party, which was also one of several alternative titles (the one I watched was called The Devastator). Mihalka is best know for the popular 80s slasher flick MY BLOODY VALENTINE (1981). He also made the interesting astral projection film Eternal Evil (1985), The Psychic (1991) and Relative Fear (1994). Billy Bryans and Aaron Davis received a Genie Award nomination for their score.

Filmed in Toronto, this played theatrically in Canada in 1989 before being issued on home video. Here in the U.S. it was released on VHS under several different titles. There's been no DVD release as of this writing.

★★1/2