Empire of the Ants (1977)

… aka: Angriff der Nuklearmonster (Attack of the Nuclear Monster)
… aka: H.G. Wells' Empire of the Ants
… aka: In der Gewalt der Riesenameisen (Violence of the Giant Ants)
… aka: Killer-Termiten (Killer Termites)

Directed by:
Bert I. Gordon

After THE FOOD OF THE GODS (1976) became A.I.P.'s highest-grossing film of its year, executive producer Samuel Z. Arkoff handed Gordon over some more money and proclaimed “More of the same, please!” And that's pretty much what we get here. Though this claims to be based on the 1905 H.G. Wells short story of the same name, it has almost nothing at all to do with the story. First published in 1905 in The Strand Magazine and later included in the collection The Short Stories of H.G. Wells (published in 1927), the source story takes place somewhere in South America and centers around a captain and an engineer sent to an Amazonian village to investigate reports of an ant plague and running across a new species of (slightly) larger than normal, super-intelligent, highly-evolved killer black ants. For this movie version, Gordon (who also wrote the screen story, produced and did the visual effect) kept the ant theme (though increased both the size and intelligence of them) but that was about it. This is basically a whole new tale and Wells' good name really shouldn't even be attached.

Heading this one up is none other than a slumming Joan Collins, whose career was on life support by 1977 and wouldn't be revived until her lack of warmth and likability could be correctly harnessed on TV's Dynasty in 1981. Going on record as calling this the worst experience she ever had filming a movie, Joan and the rest of the cast and crew endured filming locations swarming with fleas and mosquitoes as well as a director who was unable to get stunt people on location, which forced many of the actors to do their own stunts in bacteria-laden swamp waters. Doing such scenes ended up giving Collins a terrible infection in her legs. In later interviews, Collins stated that “Bert asked us to do things that actors usually don't do. We were hip deep in swamp water!” and concluded that she “... was never so delighted and relieved as when the last day of shooting arrived and it was finally my turn to be asphyxiated by the giant queen ant.” Regardless of all that, Collins' presence in this one is a plus if for no other reason than her bringing a glamorous and bitchy camp element (“I'm not running a charity organization!”) to a film desperately in need of it.

Marilyn Fryser (Collins), the no-nonsense president of “Dreamland Shores,” puts together a boat trip for potential buyers in hopes of wining, dining and attempting to sell off property in a future luxury resort community on a currently non-populated stretch of oceanfront swampland. It boasts a future 18 hole gold course, a future tennis club, a future beach house, a future marina, a future pool and current “fascinating wildlife,” which turns out to be more fascinating than the visitors probably imagined. With help from her assistant / lover Charlie Pearson (Edward Power), she charters a boat from unfriendly Captain Dan Stokely (Robert Lansing) and awaits her potential buyers. Most who show up, including two miserly and incredibly self-pitying elderly couples (“All we wanted was to enjoy what's left of our lives. Is that bad?”), aren't so much interested in buying property as they are a free trip, sight-seeing tour, booze and hors d'oeuvres. Actually just about all of this particular group is a bunch of duds.

Among the tag-a-longs ares are scrunchy-faced Joe Morrison (John David Carson), who's divorced, unemployed and pretty much just there to drink, friendly Margaret Ellis (Jacqueline Scott), a secretary fired from her job of 20 years who's on a limited income and outgoing Coreen Bradford (Pamela Susan Shoop), who's attempting to start a new life for herself after having been the mistress of a married doctor for years. Feeling emasculated because his father-in-law is a better provider for them than he is, scumbag Larry Graham (Robert Pine) enjoys being an ass and hitting on other women right in front of his clueless, simpering doormat of a wife Christine's (Brooke Palance, daughter of Jack) face. Actually he also seems to have no issue attempting to rape a woman about 20 feet away from not only his wife but the rest of the tour group.

As you've probably already guessed, giant ants end up spoiling everyone's picnic. Earlier, a ship's crew dumped a bunch of barrels of radioactive toxic waste into the ocean. Some of the barrels washed ashore, leaked some silver goo and the local ant population gobbled it all up, grew to enormous size and became MENSA eligible in the process. After they pick off the slower (i.e. all the old people) and dumber (i.e. the moron wife) among the group, the six survivors find a boat and decide to row two miles down river to the nearest town. Their trip is interrupted only by a few ant ambushes which leave Larry (who previously stood around and watched his wife get eaten) dead. Everyone else makes it to shore and find there way back to civilization only to realize many of the townsfolk acting somewhat strange. They soon discover some wacky slave “indoctrination” going down at the local sugar refinery.

Empire is dumb as hell, cheesy as hell and talky as hell... and yet it's slightly more enjoyable than Gordon's previous effort. While Food went pretty much right down the line as far as nature-runs-amok  / animal attack movies go and came off as bland and not even good for laughs in the process, this one at least boasts a little creativity in the final third. Of course the last 25 minutes or so are completely absurd but there's still no way you'll see it coming. This is also campier and funnier, even if all of that is completely unintentional. A few moments, like Collins' stud-for-hire trying to cheer a traumatized adult woman up by giving her a Babe Ruth bar like she's some 5-year-old, even made me laugh out loud. The attack scenes all feature shaky camera to distract from the immobility of the creatures and many also feature ant POV shots. The mock giant ants (which really don't look that bad) are combined with Gordon's usual rear project / superimposition effects of real ants, which are mostly awful but slightly better than what we saw in Food since a few border on being at least passable. Most of the characters in this one are also a bit more defined (and in a few cases, likable) than the ones in Food. I'm still going to rate the two films the same because they're both bad but not terrible. This just happens to bleep the SBIG radar more often.

None of the above really changes the fact that watching, or even re-watching, Them! (1954) or PHASE IV (1974) to get your killer ant kicks is time better spent, but sometimes we gotta take what we can get, right?

The cast also includes Albert Salmi, who manages to flub more lines than the entire rest of the cast combined in his short screen time, Jack Kosslyn (in his sixth film for the director) and Emmy-nominated TV actress Irene Tedrow. The Dana Kaproff score sounds an awful lot like John Williams' famous Jaws theme. This has received numerous VHS and DVD releases over the years and made its Blu-ray debut in 2015 courtesy of Scream Factory. It's rated PG.

★1/2

Food of the Gods, The (1976)

... aka: Die Insel der Ungeheuer (The Island of Monsters)
... aka: H.G. Wells' The Food of the Gods
... aka: La plaga asesina (The Killer Plague)

Directed by:
Bert I. Gordon

H.G. Wells' 1904 novel The Food of the Gods and How It Came to Earth was divided into three different books and followed a group of scientists who invent a substance called Herakleophorbia IV (or “Boomfood”) that accelerates growth in plants, young animals and human children; eventually turning insects and our four-legged friends into large killer beasts and the kids into 40-foot giants more than willing to use their size to their advantage once they reach their early adult years. This film adaptation uses material from just the first section of the novel, though it doesn't stick all that closely to it aside from some of the same characters, the farm setting and, of course, the giant animals. There aren't any over-sized plants in the one and also no giant kids but that's because Mr. B.I.G. had previously already filmed the kid part as Village of the Giants back in 1965. It too was loosely adapted from just a portion of the book and didn't follow it all that closely. Most disappointingly omitted from the book for this film version are gigantic chickens attacking a small town. I'd have loved to have seen them try to pull that off.

“My father used to say, 'Morgan, one of these days the Earth will get even with man for messing her up with his garbage. Just let man continue to pollute the Earth the way he is and nature will rebel. It's gonna be one hell of a rebellion.'” Professional football player Morgan (played by former “Miracle Child” kid preacher / faith healer Marjoe Gortner), who narrates, his teammate Davis (Chuck Courtney) and overworked PR man Brian (Jon Cypher) decide to get away for a few days go to a barely-populated Canadian island (accessible only by ferry) to ride horses and hunt. Davis chases after a deer and is found dead by his friends; his face hideously pink and swollen. Morgan goes to look for help, stumbles upon a farmhouse, enters the barn and is attacked by a giant rooster. After killing it with a pitchfork, he goes to the home and meets the paranoid, God fearin' country bumpkin Mrs. Skinner (Ida Lupino), who greets him with a shotgun. Morgan and Brian return to the mainland and get the medical report back on their dead friend, with the coroner estimating he'd been stung by 250 wasps. In fact, it was actually just one giant wasp that did all of that damage.

The following day, asshole industrialist / chemist Jack Bensington (Ralph Meeker) and his assistant, bacteriologist Dr. Lorna Scott (Pamela Franklin), show up at the Skinner farm to make Mr. Skinner (John McLiam) an offer on some milky white substance they found leaking out of the ground near their home. Before getting devoured by a slew of giant rats, the farmer had given the substance to his chickens and, while it had no effect on the adult birds, their offspring grew to giant size. Other animals, includes wasps, worms and rats also got into the substance and have grown and now lurk around the island. Morgan and Brian return to avenge their friend's death by blowing up the wasp nest, while Thomas (Tom Stovall) and his very pregnant girlfriend Rita (future Joe Dante staple Belinda Balaski) end up in the middle of things after their RV breaks down. Eventually, everyone holes up in the farmhouse, board up all of the doors and windows and try to survive a giant rat attack.

There was definite potential here for a fun B movie, but it's pretty much all botched due to poor writing, some truly awful dialogue, dull one-dimensional stock characters, too much emphasis put on the rats (personally I'd have much rather seen more of the chickens, worms OR wasps) and special effects that were hokey even back in 1976. Hell, I could have lived with the fx, a mixture of rear projection, optical trickery, superimposition, split screen and cute stuffed model rats, as is if nearly every other component wasn't bad, but that's not the case. Completely stripping away the science elements from the source material and giving the substance a more natural origin actually wasn't a bad idea but they don't do anything interesting with that concept either. There's also a distinct lack of humor and if any movie could have used a few laughs, intentional or otherwise, it's this one. The only amusing bit occurs at the very end. The picturesque British Columbia locales, which look better than ever on the Blu-ray now distributed by Scream Factory, are a plus / minor diversion.

Despite generous use of red paint blood during the attack sequences and one bit where a head appears to have been eaten off (a young Thomas Burman was in charge of the make-up effects) this got a PG rating. Gordon not only directed but also wrote the screenplay, produced and was in charge of the visual effects. His wife, Flora M. Gordon, was the assistant director and unit production manager and Rick Baker supposedly also worked on some of the fx sans credit.

The first and one of at least three comic book adaptations of the novel.

This was the last theatrical feature for the talented Franklin (it's no wonder she bowed out of show business soon after if this was the best she was being offered) and second-to-last film role for pioneering female filmmaker Lupino.

Food was both a Saturn nominee for Best Horror Film and a winner of the prestigious “Worst Rodent Movie of All Time” award in Harry and Michael Medved's book The Golden Turkey Awards. Samuel Z. Arkoff was the executive producer and presenter. Of the 25+ films released by his company A.I.P. in 1976, this actually made the most money. As a result, they not only backed Gordon's big bug follow-up Empire of the Ants (1977) the following year but also sunk 6 million into the Wells adaptation The Island of Dr. Moreau (1977). The belated sequel GNAW: FOOD OF THE GODS II (1989) is actually a lot more fun!

★1/2