Princess of the Night (1990)

Directed by:

Fred J. Lincoln

Ageless vampire queen Lauren (Lauren Hall) has grown bored with her life and become disillusioned through the ages. She sustains herself with an serum made from the blood of male virgins which, until recently, hasn't been difficult to find. However, it's now the 80s and they're in much shorter supply. (Too bad Lauren isn't around these days, she'd be having a much easier time in the era of internet trolls and incels!) According to her faithful servant George (Jamie Gillis), their serum stockpile has now dwindled to dangerously low levels. To help, Lauren has recruited some help in the form of young and eager understudy Tammy (Madison), who's recently joined their vampire clan. Tammy finds a deaf-mute muscular blonde (James Lewis) and brings him back to their home after he tells her he's a virgin using sign language (!) And just so we all learn a little something new from this review (lord knows I won't have too much else to talk about here), ASL for virgin is spreading apart your index and middle finger and running it along the side of your face. After a 15-minute-long sex scene covering most of the bases, Lauren finally feeds. The victims are kept in a catatonic state and placed in the home's dungeon where they can be tapped for their serum as needed until they expire, although we're never shown any of that.

Tammy goes out and finds herself a Mexican man (Tony Montana) who doesn't speak a word of English (leading to some humorous back-and-forths between the two) and goes through the same routine as Lauren on a fake outdoor set decorated with a brick wall, motorcycle, AstroTurf and a plastic trashcan. Pure class, baby! Meanwhile, back at their lair, Lauren grows seriously ill.

It turns out feeding on only virgin's blood is an absolute necessity for these vampires. If they are tainted with non-virgin blood, the centuries of life they've lived thus far will rapidly catch up with them, making them wither, wrinkle and take on a mummy-like appearance. Blood from two non-virgins pretty much means death. And the deaf-mute "virgin" the inexperienced Tammy brought to Lauren wasn't a virgin at all like he claimed to be. That's because Tammy forgot to "test" him first. How exactly does a vampire ensure their victim is a virgin? Well, it involves tasting their semen to make sure it's sweet enough. As for how a vampire is able to acquire a virgin's semen and the victim still remain a virgin, it's explained by the following exchange: George: "If he does it with one of us, he remains a virgin." Tammy: "Ohhhh, that's how it works!" A-hem.

Once the bare bones "plot" is established, most of the rest of the film is one long sex scene after another. The first is with Gillis and a voluptuous blonde (Heather Lere), which ends with him closing in on her neck. The next is a shower room bout between Madison and nerdy, mulleted high school basketball player Tom Byron. Finally, Lauren's redheaded vamp sister Isis comes to visit from "the other world" and has to simultaneously take on three guys (Blake Lewis, Joel Lawrence and Lewis again) on a graveyard set to acquire enough serum needed to save her sister. Isis is played by Viper, who was a standout performer from this time as she was the only top female adult star sporting extensive tattoos (a large snake covers much of her torso), multiple piercings (including nipples and labia) and large silicone breasts. Nowadays you'd be hard pressed to find an adult actress without tattoos and silicone enhancements. I'm admittedly not a fan of Viper's whole look but I did enjoy her funny, clothed role as a misogynistic female porn director in the R-rated comedy Vice Academy.

This is presumably a star vehicle for Hall, who's used on all of the advertising materials. While she's certainly attractive to look at, the show is completely stolen (as she has been known to do) by the extremely cute and bubbly Madison. She has a lot more screen time and dialogue than Hall (good thing too cause Hall can't act), looks fantastic in that black vinyl dress she wears in most of her scenes and delivers a pleasant, upbeat attitude, funny facial expressions and wacky dialogue delivery along with the sex, which always made her a pleasure to watch.

All of the sex scenes aside from the last one (which is kind of raunchy) are heavy on kissing and foreplay, which makes one suspect this was geared more towards the couples market. Unfortunately, most of the money must have been spent shooting this on 35mm because otherwise we get the usual cheap, sparse porn movie sets and such non-existent bloodsucker fx they didn't even bother springing for a set of cheap plastic vampire fangs. It was given a VHS release by Vidco in 1990, followed by a DVD release from Caballero Classics. It's also available to stream on most adult websites.

★★