Das Rätsel der roten Orchidee (1962)

... aka: Edgar Wallace: Das Rätsel der roten Orchidee
... aka: Gangster in London
... aka: Gangsters in London
... aka: Geheimnis der roten Orchidee, Das
... aka: Mystery of the Red Orchid, The
... aka: Puzzle of the Red Orchid, The
... aka: Red Orchid, The
... aka: Secret of the Red Orchid, The

Directed by:
Helmut Ashley

In Chicago, a group of gangsters led by the notorious O'Connor are playing cards when they're gunned down by a rival gang, who then toss a grenade into the room to seal the deal. A year later in London, someone is using "American methods" to try to extort money from wealthy businessman. Whoever is doing it is sending a letter of warning to each man (fashioned out of clippings from newspapers) that promises death if they do not comply. The same exact m.o. was used by O'Connor, who's believed to be dead. Since all of the bodies had been blown to bits in Chicago, O'Connor is believed to be among the dead... but is he really? That's just what Chief Tetley (Wolfgang Büttner) and Inspector Weston (Adrian Hoven) at Scotland Yard would like to find out. Thankfully, American FBI agent and gang specialist Captain Allerman (Christopher Lee) happens to be in England and is able to assist in the investigation, which first leads him to the shady Gunnar Steve (Klaus Kinski), who used to work for O'Connor in America but has since relocated to London to open a store.

Meanwhile, elderly Elias Tanner (Fritz Rasp) has received a threatening blackmail letter himself. To ensure his "good for nothing" nephew Edwin (Pinkas Braun), who's been spending all his time traveling the globe looking for rare orchids, doesn't try to hone in on his fortune in case he's killed, he signs everything over to his loyal and much-younger secretary and personal assistant Lilian Ranger (Marisa Mell) instead. Good thing too, because a couple of men posing as detectives barge into the home and gun down Tanner before the police can do much about it. Edwin shows up in town from Brazil just in time for the reading of the will, and he's not too happy he's been shut out. Further complicating matters is the presence of Kerkie Minelli (Eric Pohlmann), the gang leader responsible for killing O'Connor's gang in Chicago the previous year, who has also turned up in London for some strange reason along with his annoying, chatterbox wife Cora (Christiane Nielsen).

A third potential target, Mr. Shelby (Günther Jerschke) participates in a police sting operation that backfires when he is shot and killed. Next up is wealthy widow Mrs. Moore (Sigrid von Richthofen), who tries to flee but dies in a car crash when someone puts a giant mirror in the road to cause her to think she's about to have a head-on collision. Bank manager Mr. Dories, big game hunter and army vet Colonel Droog (Herbert A.E. Böhme) and Lilian herself (who's taken a new job as secretary at Dories' bank) are other recipients of the letter. The rival gangs are not only out to extort non-gang members, but are also at each others' throats and the death toll reaches double digits as American-style crime comes to England. Explosives are hidden in flowers and cigar boxes, a car blows up, an airplane is shot down and there's death by flying knife, razor and by other means. There's also some continual comic relief in the form of repeat offender Eddi Arent as an effete butler named Parker, who ends up working for nearly all the victims and earns himself the nickname "The Death Butler."

One of several dozen West German krimi produced during the 1960s, this is definitely not an exceptional example of its type (nor is it a horror film as sometimes categorized), but it's well made, the cast is pretty good, the plot is busy and it's at least lively enough to keep your attention throughout. As usual, it's based on a novel by Edgar Wallace; in this case "When the Gangs Come to London." Because it contains several international stars of the day who were known outside of German, it's been one of the best-distributed of these types of films. Horror fans in particular will not only note the presence of genre icons Kinski (who filled out the supporting roles of many a red herring in these things) and Lee (who also appeared in the Wallace adaptations The Devil's Daffodil [1961] and Circus of Fear [1966]), but also Hoven (Mark of the Devil [1970]) and Mell (from the Edgar Wallace-adapted giallo Seven Blood-Stained Orchids [1972]).

The horrendously-dubbed English-language version was prepped by Copri International and bears a 1965 copyright date. DVD distributor Retromedia uses this print of the film, though a better one was released in Germany. Oddly enough, Lee does his own voice in the German cut, but has been dubbed by another actor in the English one.

★★1/2

Christmas Evil (1980)

... aka: Terror in Toyland
... aka: You Better Watch Out

Directed by:
Lewis Jackson

You could say that Harry Stadling (Brandon Maggart) lives for Christmas. In fact, it's recently become quite an obsession of his. He wakes to a Christmas-themed alarm clock carousel dressed in his Santa pjs and immediately puts on "Winter Wonderland" while doing his stretches. From there, he heads to the bathroom for a shave, while humming another Christmas tune and practicing his best Jolly Saint Nick laugh. But this year, Harry's wanting to take it a step further by actually dressing up as Santa and, just like Santa, he's been making a list and checking it twice... In this case, literally! You see, Harry has been spying on all the neighborhood kiddies, and has kept a detailed log year round about who has been naughty and who has been nice. If you're a good girl like little Susie Lovett, you're branded a "darling" in the "Good Boys and Girls" book, but if you make it into the "Bad Boys and Girls" book you can expect to have such naughty violations as "has bad breath," "uses profane language" and "crosses against the light" to your name. Or in the case of hellion Moss Garcia, who's caught  taking a gander at a Penthouse magazine among other things, "impure thoughts" and "negative body hygiene."

Yes, Harry is not quite right in the head... and it's all about to boil over. A sad and lonely man, Harry works as manager at the "Jolly Dream" toy company during the day and return to his home all alone at night. From all indications, his mental problems started in his youth and his fixation on Christmas and all it should stand for goes back to his childhood trauma of him catching mommy getting frisky with Santa Claus (well, at least his dad dressed up as Santa). At work, Harry doesn't earn much respect from his co-workers and is upset over the cheap toys they've been churning out, as well as a very shady ad campaign cooked up by the new PR man that involves the hard-working employees footing the bill so the company itself looks generous. Harry has no real friends, no wife or romantic interest, no kids of his own; just a brother named Philip (Jeffrey DeMunn) who doesn't have very many nice things to say about him. Philip's wife Jackie (Dianne Hull) thinks he's just underestimating his brother. Boy is he ever!

As he slips further into insanity, Harry skips out on Thanksgiving dinner with Philip and company because he has a lot of work to do to prepare for Christmas. He makes his own Santa costume (going all out with real fur lining), paints a sled on the side of his van and steals a whole bunch of toys from work. By Christmas Eve, he's finally in the holiday spirit and ready to hit the town with his van full of gifts (or a box full of dirt if you have it coming). After donating bundles of toys to a children's hospital (something his company was supposed to take care of), Harry encounters some extremely rude, wealthy snobs outside a church. He's mocked and ridiculed and finally snaps; gouging out an eyeball with an armed tin soldier and chopping up two others with a hatchet in front of the entire congregation. Merry Christmas, indeed! Then it's off to various other places to spread more holiday cheer... or is that fear? Hey, why not a little bit of both?

Originally released as You Better Watch Out and issued on VHS as Terror in Toyland, but best known as Christmas Evil, this is one of the first and best Christmas horror films. It's one part psychological horror, one part dark comedy and, unlike many others of its type, has some interesting things to say about how a season whose message is one of joy, charity and selflessness often times gets really, really warped. It also marked a rare lead role for character actor Maggart and he makes the absolute most of it, giving an excellent performance that's comic and tragic in equal measure. The actor manages to be both creepy and sympathetic; humming a rage-filled "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" while crushing a toy in his hand one minute, and sadly peaking in the window and watching his brother, his kids and his wife interacting as a family the next. Despite some of the horrible things he does throughout the film, our sympathies always lie with the poor guy, and Maggart deserves high praise for wonderfully pulling off this difficult role.

I've seen this get lambasted too many times to count by people expecting another gory Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984) style slasher flick, but the film deserves better treatment than that. It's well-made, well-acted, thoughtful, disturbing and often times very, very funny (just check out that police line-up of Santas!). It was sadly the only film for director Jackson, who also scripted. Playing small roles are Joe Jamrog (who gets his throat cut with a Christmas tree topper), Philip Casnoff, Patricia Richardson (the mom from TV's "Home Improvement"), Scott McKay, Peter Friedman, Raymond J. Barry (as a detective), Rutanya Alda and Mark Margolis.

This has been issued on DVD numerous times. The Synapse release is the original director's cut of the film and comes with a great commentary track from famous fan John Waters, who considers this "The greatest Christmas movie ever made."

★★★1/2

Malpertuis (1971)

... aka: Legend of Doom House, The
... aka: Malpertuis: The Legend of Doom House
... aka: Malpertuis: Histoire d'une maison maudite

Directed by:
Harry Kümel

After his ship docks for the night, pretty boy sailor Jan (Mathieu Carrière) hops off and decides to go looking for his childhood home. He locates where it should be, but it's now gone and so is his family. Getting a glimpse of a woman off in the distance who looks like his sister, he follows her through the streets and ends up in a rowdy pub / brothel. The girl he thought was his sister is actually Bets (Sylvie Vartan), a sultry cabaret singer and working girl. Two other men; Charles Dideloo (Michel Bouquet) and Mathias Crook (Daniel Pilon), have been trailing Jan ever since he left the ship and make mention of him falling into their "trap." Charles gets Sylvie's boyfriend / pimp all riled up and a bar brawl ensues. Jan is struck over the head and passes out. When he awakens, he's in a nautical-themed bedroom... but he's finally found his long-lost sister Nancy (Susan Hampshire), who's waiting by his bedside. Jan soon discovers he's actually at his Uncle Quintin Cassavius' (Orson Welles) sprawling mansion, which is called Malpertuis. Since he equates his uncle to the Devil and the home to Hell, we know this isn't necessarily a good thing.

Cassavius is not a very nice man. He's cheap, rude, dirty, a huge glutton (he eats an entire roasted pig in one sitting) and refers to the staff as things like "miserable wretches" and "scavenging cows." He's also dying and seems to spend most of his time lying in bed barking out orders. For some reason, he's insistent on seeing his nephew Jan, who's not really interested but finally caves when Charles, who turns out to be his uncle, threatens to rape his virtuous sister! Cassavius tells Jan he wants him to take his place and become "master of the world." Lots of other strange and eccentric people occupy the home, including imbecilic, overly-sensitive taxidermist Philaris (Charles Janssens) and the grubby Lampernist (Jean-Pierre Cassel), who occupies a cell and is paranoid he won't have enough light. Other than the above mentioned characters and the staff, Charles' wife Sylvia (Dora van de Groen) and daughter Euryale (Hampshire again, in a red wig), Nancy's lover Mathias and a trio of sisters; Eleonora (Jet Naessens), Rosaria (Cara Van Wersch) and Alice (Hampshire again, in a brown wig), all gather at the dying patriarch's bed to hear his final wishes.

Cassavius splits the money evenly between everyone present, but there's just one small catch. The money is to be distributed annually and, to receive it, they must stay inside the Malpertuis grounds and never leave. The last survivor will inherit the home and all that goes with it. If the last two survivors are male and female, they must marry. Lawyer Eisengott (Walter Rilla) is lurking around to ensure the heirs all play by the rules. From that general set-up, this goes in all kinds of bizarre, nonsensical directions. Jan falls in love with the ethereal beauty Euryale, despite the fact she barely talks to him and refuses to ever look him in the eyes. Nancy plans to flee the home with her lover but he's found dead with a spike driven through his head. Alice, who is referred to as Alecto by her cackling sisters, seduces both Charles and then Jan. When Cassavius' tomb is opened, he's somehow turned into a stone statue. Distorted fetuses are kept in jars, an eagle rips a guy apart, there's mention of Cassavius wanting to create a "master race" of blonde haired, blue eyed people and the greedy characters sit around counting their money and behaving like mad men and women. The home itself is a strange place full of long hallways, staircases leading up and down and tons of locked doors. Just what's up with all the oddball characters? And what is the secret of the home?

Malpertuis (first released in the U.S. as The Legend of Doom House) was director Kümell's follow-up to his acclaimed arty-erotic lesbian vampire hit Daughters of Darkness (released the same year). Despite being well-produced and extremely nice from a visual standpoint, booking a showing at Cannes in 1972 and having some internationally bankable name stars in he cast, it was financially unsuccessful and didn't get near the attention that Daughters did. After viewing it, it's easy to understand why. You ever get the impression certain films are strange and random simply for the sake of being strange and random? I couldn't tell you what point (if any) this was attempting to make. It's even sandwiched with Alice in Wonderland references (ending with a Lewis Carroll quote even) as if the whole point was to be irreverent. Twists - one after another - are piled on during the last 20 minutes; everything from elements of Greek mythology to the standard "it was all just a dream" cop out, but after sitting through nearly two hours of bizarre characters doing bizarre, nonsensical things I found myself beat into such a state of complacency that I'd stopped caring. This is a definitely a case where personal taste is going to dictate one's enjoyment. Those who don't care a whole lot about a coherent narrative or a stable grounding point will likely soak up what this has to offer. Others are going to have a more difficult time with it.

I'm not sure how close this sticks to the Jean Ray novel on which it is based, but if it's faithful I'd probably have little interest in actually reading the book myself. On the plus side, it looks great, the art direction and photography are both superb and British actress Hampshire is extremely striking (enhanced by some nicely subtle makeups) playing no less than five different roles.

Even though I was lukewarm on this one overall, I did love all the supplements on the Barrel Entertainment DVD. It has interviews with the director (who also provides a commentary track), Hampshire, Carrière, producer Pierre Levie and director of photography Gerry Fisher. Kümel basically says that Welles was a huge pain the ass to work with, was drunk the whole shoot, had absolutely no respect for the other actors and gave the impression he would leave the set at any moment if he didn't get his way; concluding that the cast and crew actually celebrated once he finished his scenes and left the set! Fisher adds that Welles told the director his main job was to please him and he was a diva control freak who demanded things be done on his way or else. Apparently, Welles insisted on doing his own [they say terrible] makeup, demanded close-ups and stopped the shooting for extended lunch breaks whenever he felt like it, throwing them completely off schedule. The DVD also shows some behind-the-scenes footage from the shoot which pretty much lend credence to these claims. The same footage shows that the film was shot in English, though the version I watched had been dubbed into French.

★★1/2