Killer Workout (1987)

... aka: Aerobicide
... aka: Aerobi-Cide
... aka: Aerobic Killer

Directed by:
David A. Prior

People were wearing legwarmers, leotards, headbands and spandex... out in public! Olivia Newton John's 1981 hit “Physical” became one of the top songs of the entire decade. People were watching Bodies in Motion, ordering their Suzanne Somers-endorsed Thigh Masters and buying nearly everything Denise Austin, Jake Steinfeld and Richard Simmons were selling. There were exercise videos from such celebrities as Debbie Reynolds, Cher, Traci Lords, Linnea Quigley, Marie Osmond, Sally Struthers and, of course, the undisputed queen of the movement, Jane Fonda, who sold in excess of 17 million copies of her various workouts. All these were just some of the symptoms of the big fitness / aerobics craze that swept through America in the 80s. Of course now it's about the polar opposite and we seem just fine being told that we're fat, lazy and eat too much McDonalds, but back then if you weren't running around in a leotard and tights (ladies) or short shorts up to your armpits and mesh muscle shirts (guys) and Jazzercising your free time away, you were an undesirable social leper who shouldn't even bother leaving your own home. I guess it was only a matter of time before someone combined all of that nonsense with the big 80s slasher craze. I'm kind of glad they did cause this movie is a cheese-filled laugh riot. Actually, there's almost too much glorious 80s cheese in this one... even for me!

Up-and-coming model Valerie, whose face is never shown, lands a gig that will see her flying to Paris and gracing the cover of Cosmopolitan. On her agent's suggestion, she then immediately runs off to a salon to begin work on her tan. After getting inside the bed, it short circuits, catches on fire and she's fried. Years later, a series of mysterious and brutal murders (mostly committed with a giant safety pin!) start plaguing at a California health club called Rhonda's Work-Out. First up for slaughter is - shocker! - the gym's only black member, Rachael (Teresa Truesdale), who gets stabbed to death in the shower and then stuffed inside a locker after her work-out. Hard-nosed, obnoxious detective Lt. Morgan (David James Campbell, SCARECROWS) soon shows up to investigate matters and begins questioning both the staff and the gym regulars.

Among the chief suspects is the conservatively-attired club co-owner Rhonda Johnson (Marcia Karr), who's decidedly not a very nice young lady. OK, well actually she's an extremely unpleasant, bitter, jealous, hate-filled, constantly-scowling bitch who stands around glaring at everyone and gives her airhead aerobics instructor Jaimy (Teresa Van der Woude) an especially hard time. Rhonda is constantly stressing about her business failing and becomes even more wigged out when numerous freshly-slain corpses turn up all over the place and her clientele starts dwindling. Jaimy proves to be something of a weirdo herself. When she drops her purse, more condoms fall out than cosmetics, and she's caught sneaking into the men's locker room to fondle a jock strap. Rhonda constantly rides Jaimy for her tardiness but also for simply doing her job: “Just teach the class and stop showing off your tits and tight little ass!” Rhonda could have told the director the exact same thing as this movie seemingly exists to show off the tits and asses of a bunch of toned, big-haired 80s babes. I suspect most viewers won't have an issue with that.

Another of the chief suspects is pushy gym rat Jimmy Hallick (Fritz Matthews), who spends more time ogling and propositioning the ladies than he does actually working out. And then there's Diane Matthews (Laurel Mock), owner of the locker the first corpse was stuffed into, who's something of a loner who's jealous of the other ladies for scoring more than she does. Much to Rhonda's displeasure, the hunky Chuck Dawson (Ted Prior) shows up there to work. She didn't hire him, but the other guy who co-owns the club did and now she's stuck with him so she makes him clean the toilets. Chuck turns out to be an undercover cop that the other detective investigating the murders apparently knows nothing about. Not sure how exactly that scenario worked out, but whatever. Though Chuck's presence there may be in question, he's no dummy and takes time out from looking into the killings to score with Debbie (Dianne Copeland) aka the chick with biggest rack at the health club. Before they get down to business, Debbie informs him that Jimmy “likes to tie girls up and do weird things.” So many suspects, so little time...

This is a truly awful movie. The acting is terrible, the dialogue is terrible, the editing is terrible, the plot is dumb as hell, the overpowering score frequently drowns out the dialogue and the identity of the killer is utterly predictable, and yet, I loved every second of this trash! Things move right along from one hilarious scene to the next following a winning three step formula. Step 1: Show one to three people being viciously murdered. Step 2: Follow that with a scene where the corpse is put in a body bag and carried away as our detective hero stands around sulking. Step 3: Finally, throw in a brilliantly-photographed aerobics dance routine lasting several minutes. (Note: By brilliantly-photographed, I mean the cameraman focuses on bouncing breasts, thrusting and grinding crotches and, of course, “tight little asses” in skin-hugging thong workout attire nearly the entire time). And repeat. At certain points, the makers seems in on the joke. After hauling the twelfth or so corpse away, a paramedic casually turns to the detective and says “See you tomorrow, lieutenant!"

Another scene worth mentioning involves a a trio of disgruntled customers who decide to vandalize Rhonda's studio with spray paint before they're all killed off. Along with “Aerobicide,” they also spray “Death Spa” on the building. The same year this film was released, production was underway on another aerobics / health club horror called DEATH SPA. Coincidence? Probably not, but despite having less gore and less nudity, this is actually way more fun to watch than the dreary Spa.

Solidifying the 80s charm are a a ton of upbeat pop / rock / disco / dance songs on the soundtrack, all done by female vocalists, with cornball lyrics like “Love is a four-letter word when we do it like we do” and “She's a knock out... Let her rock out... Scream and shout!” and, of course, “Hey baby, I got the apple... red and juicy, waaaarm annnnnnd sweet.” There's even an Aerobicide theme song (“Aerobi-ciiiiide. Workin' out until you diiiie. Aerobi-ciiiide. It's the perfect body you're trying to fiiiiind.”) Most of these are so bad they may cause your ears to bleed, but I genuinely loved a few of the songs, including “Woman on Fire” by Jill Colucci (who'd become best known for singing the America's Funniest Home Videos theme song "The Funny Things You Do") and “Only You Tonight” by Donna De Lory (who worked as a backing vocalist for numerous famous singers, including a two-decade-long stint backing Madonna on her various tours).

Not long after making this, his third film, director Prior became well-known as a direct-to-video action movie specialist. His primary interest in that genre as opposed to horror is obvious throughout this one. There's a policeman pursuit scene that lasts an eternity and three poorly choreographed fights between the two musclebound leads. Prior's brother Ted, who began his show biz career as a nude model in Playgirl Magazine, is featured in most of these action scenes and, along with Matthews, also gets credits for stunts, set design and special effects. The brothers Prior would go on to make many other films, usually shot in and around Mobile, Alabama, and continue on to make them to this day. The only other recognizable cast members are Joel Hoffman (SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE II, Pumpkinhead) as Brad the weightlifter, and Kelly Ann Sabatasso, who became a tabloid fixture in the early 90s when it was rumored she was dating Donald Trump, as one of the featured aerobics dancers.

Originally filmed as Aerobi-cide (a title retained for some foreign releases), this was distributed on VHS here in America by Academy under the title Killer Workout. There's no official DVD release as of yet but someone out there needs to throw together a 2 disc release containing the movie and the soundtrack album so I can buy it.

SBIG

Streets (1990)

Directed by:
Katt Shea

Director Shea was born in Detroit and, after graduating from the University of Michigan and working a spell as a teacher, migrated to Los Angeles. While attending UCLA and doing some modeling work on the side, she began landing bit roles in A films like My Tutor (1982) and Scarface (1983), eventually moving her way up to supporting parts in several T&A comedies from the likes of Chuck Vincent and Lem Amero. That led to co-starring roles in several Roger Corman productions, including the shot-in-Argentina fantasy Barbarian Queen (1985) and the shot-in-the-Philippines action flick The Devastator (1986). But Shea wasn't content just having roles like “Mud Wrestler” and films like Hollywood Hot Tubs (1984) on her resume and all the while she was also writing (usually in collaboration with her then-husband Andy Ruben) and working behind-the-scenes on these movies. After “stalking” (her words, not mine!) Corman outside his office one day, Shea ran the idea by him for a movie that would eventually become STRIPPED TO KILL (1987). Because she'd previously shot second unit on another Corman production, had an idea with some potential and was persistent (apparently it took a year to finally get the green light), Corman eventually gave her her very first chance to direct. In the interim, she landed a supporting role as one of Norman Bates' victims in Psycho III (1986) and used that opportunity to learn what she could on set from observing star / first-time director Anthony Perkins and cinematographer Bruce Surtees while she was there.

The much-better-than-need-be Stripped debuted to surprisingly decent reviews and ended up making tons of money on cable and video for Corman's company. It also received additional press when star Kay Lenz complained about the film's exploitative ad campaign and new title (apparently it was called simply Deception when she'd signed on to appear). Nevertheless, because of its huge success, Corman would back four more films for Shea, including the stripper-meets-vampire gem DANCE OF THE DAMNED (1989), which garnered surprisingly good reviews itself, a 1989 Stripped sequel starring Maria Ford, which the director was ultimately somewhat displeased with due of producer / editing interference, and this one. Shea has stated in interviews that Corman never dissuaded her from her ambitions, but had stipulations all the while on certain aspects the finished product needed to contain. In short, they all needed to have violence and nudity for the direct-to-video market for which they'd be doing the majority of their business. Shea and Ruben (who often also produced these films) rose to the challenge of not only giving Corman what he wanted but also making movies that were thoughtful, intelligent, stylish and uncommonly well-crafted for their budgets. Streets combines both Corman's demands and Shea / Ruben's ambitions to transcend the material into an entertaining and affecting, albeit imperfect, film.

Christina Applegate stars as an illiterate, heroin-addicted teenage hooker named Dawn, who's living a sad, aimless, dangerous and drug-fueled life in Venice Beach. Late one night, she's picked up by a john on a motorcycle and taken under a pier, where the action starts getting rough. After her trick attempts to rape and murder her, Dawn's saved by teen Sy (David Mendenhall), a middle class suburban kid from Santa Barbara. Sy's not really a runaway. At least not yet. He simply used an opportunity (his parents going away on vacation) to sneak out of the house and ride off on his bike, with hopes of peddling all the way to Hollywood to start a band. In contrast to Sy's naive, sheltered upbringing, Dawn has lived her entire life on the streets. Her mother was also a hooker who abandoned her with “50 dollars for groceries and a pretty good idea how to fuck.” Over the course of the next few days, Sy gets to experience what Dawn's daily life is like and get a good taste of what living out on the mean streets really entails.

The man who attacked Dawn turns out to be a sadistic motorcycle cop named Lumley (Eb Lottimer); an unhinged officer already far past the breaking point who's able to use his position of power to rape, abuse and murder. His chosen victims are mostly those that nobody is going to miss or care that much about; namely street kids, runaways and hookers, and Lumley doesn't like the fact that Dawn escaped, scratched up his face in the process and could possibly ID him if need be. He sets out on an obsessive quest to find and eliminate her, using a special sawed-off gun which makes only a muffled sound when fired.

I've seen one common criticism of the film, which comes from people who don't think a serious homeless drama and a psycho killer thriller go well together. I'll offer a counterpoint to that. Not only do the two work in tandem quite nicely, but the presence of the psycho not only adds another layer of urgency to the hopeless plight of street kids but also lends power and believability to the bond that quickly develops between the two protagonists out of sheer desperation. After all, this movie isn't really about the killer, it's about Dawn and Sy. And honestly, if a similar film had been made by a more famous, established filmmaker, viewers would likely be responding more positively to the ambiguous psycho by talking about how brilliantly “symbolic” the cop is of this or that. As far as I'm concerned, there was really no reason for the cop character to be further established than what he is here. Knowing what caused him to snap or what makes him tick wouldn't really change anything. The director's intentions very well could have been to make the psycho officer representative of an establishment that really could care less about any of these forgotten kids. Actually, I strongly suspect that's the case considering the inclusion of a scene in a police locker room where cops nonchalantly discuss and joke around about one of the underage victims.

Though the action and horror scenes are tautly-directed, smoothly-edited and effective, where the film really shines is in its portrayal of day-to-day street life. Though Dawn lives in drain pipe and can't quite conquer her drug habit, she clings to what little dignity she can with a quick, self-deprecating sense of humor and by making money “whoring” (no intercourse sex) instead of hooking. Despite the fact she can't read and self-identifies as “stupid,” she's actually very clever in regards to how she manages to get by and coerce as much money as possible out of each of her customers. One of Dawn's drain-mates is a tiny young girl named Elf (Mel Castelo) who frequently has sex with a known pedophile for drug money and another guy named Bob (Patrick Richwood), who fancies himself a street philosopher, gets by hawking stuff and also isn't above crashing a murder scene to scrounge up whatever clothing and goods he can to sell. The name of the game in Streets is survival.

While there are certainly elements that date this (sometimes painfully so), much of the dialogue remains sharp and it's obvious that Shea and Ruben, just like with their other collaborations, actually care about the characters they have created and are presenting here to us. This film was also novel in the filmography of its star. Applegate, then-known for playing Kelly Bundy, the big-haired, spandex-clad, sexpot / bimbo daughter on the hit TV show Married with Children, gets to explore new territory here and does a terrific job in her role. While her sitcom character was blissfully hyper-aware of her sex appeal and used it to her advantage but was otherwise a complete moron, here she plays another highly-sexualized teen who also uses sex to get what she wants but has also been irreparably damaged by it. Her self-destructive, self-sabotaging character here is also far from dumb, even though she claims to be. Despite proving her versatility here, audiences never forgot "Kelly Bundy," few directors hired her for serious projects and she's been stuck mostly in sitcoms and lame comedies ever since.

Shot in just 19 days for a budget “far less than 1 million” (according to the director herself in a 1992 interview with Donald Porter), this was given a limited theatrical run in 1990, where it grossed a pretty respectable 1.5 million in around just 70 theaters. The VHS was from MGM/UA and, in 2010, it made its DVD debut through Shout! Factory, who paired it up with another Corman production involving prostitution called Angel in Red (1991). The theme song is from E.G. Daily. Paul Ben-Victor, Aron Eisenberg (TV's Deep Space Nine) and Alan Stock (Frightmare) are also in cast and Lenz and Starr Andreeff, the leads in two of Shea's previous films, both have small cameo roles.

★★★