Ratings Key



★★★★
= Excellent. The best the genre has to offer.
★★★
1/2 = Very Good. Perhaps not "perfect," but undoubtedly a must-see.
★★★ = Good. Accomplishes what it sets out to do and does it well.
★★1/2 = Fair. Clearly flawed and nothing spectacular, but competently made. OK entertainment.
★★ = Mediocre. Either highly uneven or by-the-numbers and uninspired.
1/2 = Bad. Very little to recommend.
= Very Bad. An absolute chore to sit through.
NO STARS! = Abysmal. Unwatchable dreck that isn't even bad-movie amusing.
SBIG = So Bad It's Good. Technically awful movies with massive entertainment value.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Boneyard, The (1990)

Directed by:
James Cummins

Detective Jersey Callum (Ed Nelson) and his dimwit partner Gordon (Jim Eustermann) coax troubled 300 lb. psychic Alley Oates (Deborah Rose) out of retirement when a series of unexplained homicides start adding up. Clues lead the trio to a mortuary one night where the dead bodies of three Asian children are resurrected into slime-spewing ghouls who trap the principal characters in the basement and go on a gory killing/possession spree. After a slowwwww start (and a "huh?" flashback that is SUPPOSED to explain things), this really picks up and becomes a nifty little horror comedy with a good sense of humor, attempts at characterization and some surprisingly cool comic book-style FX... like a giant mutant poodle! Good supporting roles for veteran character actors Nelson, Norman Fell as a mortician with a ponytail and Phyllis Diller (who promoted this film during the 1990 televised awards show THE HORROR HALL OF FAME) as the cranky night desk clerk who transforms into a creature that will make your eyes pop out of your head! The director also scripted and did the unique special effects for this fun feature.

★★1/2

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