Ratings Key



★★★★
= Excellent. The best the genre has to offer.
★★★
1/2 = Very Good. Perhaps not "perfect," but undoubtedly a must-see.
★★★ = Good. Accomplishes what it sets out to do and does it well.
★★1/2 = Fair. Clearly flawed and nothing spectacular, but competently made. OK entertainment.
★★ = Mediocre. Either highly uneven or by-the-numbers and uninspired.
1/2 = Bad. Very little to recommend.
= Very Bad. An absolute chore to sit through.
NO STARS! = Abysmal. Unwatchable dreck that isn't even bad-movie amusing.
SBIG = So Bad It's Good. Technically awful movies with massive entertainment value.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

El ataque de los pájaros (1987)

...aka: Beaks: The Movie
...aka: Birds of Prey
...aka: Evil Birds

Directed by:
René Cardona, Jr.

Here are eight things Alfred Hitchcock left out of THE BIRDS...
.
1.) Bad dubbing and phonetically challenged foreign actors.
2.) A TV news story entitled "Attack of the Killer Chickens!"
3.) Close-ups of birds pecking faces apart and pulling out eyeballs, leaving only blood-squirting empty black sockets.
4.) Gratuitous slow-mo flying and attack scenes.
5.) A dense globe-trotting blonde couple who take time out from the carnage for a PG-rated bubblebath/champagne kissy kissy session.
6.) Snappy dialogue reducing a worldwide epidemic of bird attacks to "feathered mutiny."
7.) An annoying little brat who runs outside during the middle of a bird ambush just to get her greedy little hands on a party horn...leading to several unnecessary deaths.
8.) Christopher Atkins talking to his penis.
.
In case you haven't caught on, this is a low-grade rip off of the 1963 classic which cuts back and forth, from different countries to different people running away from someone off-screen throwing pigeons at them. American actors Michelle Johnson and Atkins are in the main segment about TV reporters who travel around investigating various attacks only to get ravaged on a train, but the story also covers a bickering couple, their two kids and a girl in a bikini attacked at a beach and people at a children's birthday party (there's even a little Veronica Cartwright knock-off named Cathy!). This film was also released as BIRDS OF PREY and was an international production that was filmed in Spain, Peru, Italy, Mexico, Morocco and Puerto Rico.
.
The cast includes Sonia Infante (from Cardona's much more enjoyable TREASURE OF THE AMAZON), Italian actor Gabriele Tinti, Aldo Sambrell (VOODOO BLACK EXORCIST), May Heatherly (PIECES), José Lifante as the governor, Francisco Guttierez and "Al Coster" aka René Cardona III (the director's son) as a soldier.

★1/2

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