Momia azteca contra el robot humano, La (1958)

...aka: Aztec Mummy vs. the Human Robot, The
...aka: Human Robot, The
...aka: Humano Robot, El
...aka: Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy, The

Directed by:
Rafael Portillo

Sometimes going into a movie completely blind is a good idea. Other times, it's not. In this case, it probably wasn't the best idea for me to hop right to the third film of this particular series, but I honestly didn't know this was the third film of a series when it popped up on TCM Underground at 2am. All I know is that I saw "mummy" and "robot" and I couldn't resist. The good news is that I didn't really have to see either THE AZTEC MUMMY (1957) or THE CURSE OF THE AZTEC MUMMY (1957) beforehand to follow what's going on here. The filmmakers were kind enough to recycle footage from both of them. As a matter of fact, around 2/3rds of this film's 65-minute run time is a flashback recap to the previous installments. While that personally helped me catch up on what I missed, it also puts this into that lazy cash-grab category that's really impossible to defend.

Dr. Edward Almada (Ramón Gay), his wife Flora (Rosa Arenas) and his assistant Pinacate (Crox Alvardo) invite two scientists over to their home and then go into great detail about their previous run-ins with both a resurrected mummy and the evil Dr. Krupp aka "The Bat" (Luis Aceves Castañeda). Flora is the reincarnation of Xochi, an Aztec maiden set to be sacrified by her village. She, along with her warrior lover Popoca (Ángel Di Stefani), are apprehended and killed when they try to flee. Popoca still lives on as a mummy in the temple ruins, springing to life any time someone lays a finger on a valuable treasure (a bracelet and gold breastplate). After an unsuccessful attempt to raid the temple, the mummy's home crumbles to the ground and he's forced to relocate to a cemetery crypt. Dr. Krupp and his acid-scarred accomplice Bruno hypnotize Flora into helping them locate the mummy. They take his treasure (again) and then face dire consequences when the mummy crashes the lab, basically kills all the bad guys and then goes back to his resting place. All of the events listed above are from the first two Aztec Mummy films... and now we only have about 20 minutes left.

In the new footage, Edward and Pinacate discover that Dr. Krupp actually managed to escape the snake pit through a trap door and is up to no good again. He steals some radium and a brain and constructs a radio-controlled "human robot," which is basically one of those box robots with cylinder arms and a human head enclosed in a glass bubble. They bring it to the cemetery and into Popoca's new resting place to see if it can defeat the mummy. Unfortunately, the guaranteed campy showdown between the bucket of bolts and the heap of dusty old rags prematurely ends after a prolonged hug and a couple of shoves. Only the occasional unintentional laugh (normally provided by the horrid English dub) provide any spark.

The film was acquired by K. Gordon Murray 's American International for U.S. consumption and, along with the second film in the series, was sold directly to TV. As a public domain title, it's been released by just about every label under the sun. In 2006, BCI Eclipse released all three movies on one set.

★1/2

Wizard of Gore, The (1968)

Directed by:
Herschell Gordon Lewis

Montag the Magnificent (Ray Sager) performs a popular Grand Guignol-style magic act where he brings an unlucky lady or two up on stage, straps or ties them down and then brutally murders them before a live, possibly hypnotized audience. What everyone in the crowd sees is torture, agony and bloody bodily dismemberment, but the "victim" manages to ultimately walk off-stage completely clean and completely unharmed... at least for the time being. Soon after, each of the female volunteers die under mysterious circumstances in the exact fashion they died on stage. There's the woman-sawed-in-half chestnut (utilizing a chainsaw), a spike driven all the way through a head, eyeballs poked out, a punch press through the gut and some messy sword swallowing. While the cops investigate, Montag makes sure his tracks are covered by sneaking into the morgue and stealing the corpses. Talk show host Sherry Carson (Judy Cler) and her detective boyfriend Jack (Wayne Ratay) become regulars at Montag's show and start looking into things. Sherry even arranges for him to appear on her popular TV show "Housewives Coffee Break."

Well, I'm not going to sugarcoat it. This was my least favorite of the five schlock-gore films I've seen from Lewis so far. Maybe I wasn't in the mood for it. Maybe I never will be. Call me crazy, but if I'm going to sit through something horribly acted, horribly written, horrible edited and horribly made, I at least want it to make sense. The premise itself is admittedly a fairly clever way to set up all the gore murders (which are the only reason to see this), but all the "reality vs. illusion" bull this one tries to pull out at the very end was just flat out annoying. To me, it felt like various story points were laid out that would require some clarification later on, and then they took the the easiest, laziest possible way out. However they word it, it essentially boils down to a frustrating "it was all just a dream" equivalent in the very end. Then again, when things are as inept and nonsensical as they are here, all it takes it throwing in a couple of camera swirls and you're suddenly being praised for being a surrealist.

Montag himself is extremely grating and extremely loud. Not only are his redunant monologues flat out boring to listen to, but he's asked to overenunciate every other word as if he's trying to make sure people two blocks down the street can hear him. The other actors are dreadful and there's not a single likable or charismatic actor to be found in the entire film. I know that bad performances can be found in all of Lewis' movies, but there's a difference between endearingly amateurish and obnoxious. I just didn't find much of the charm here that I found in some of his better offerings.

The gore sure does hit the spot at times though, so I can at least give it that much credit. The effects (concoted by the director, assistant director Allison Louise Downe and Robert Lewis) are often cheap-looking and shoddy (obvious mannequins, shifting wigs...), but when they work, they're suitably nasty. Montag also likes to gleefully play around with the brains, eyeballs, innards and the blood of his victims. Filmed in 1968 but not released until two years later, Wizard not only went on to inspire the bad taste cult hit BLOODSUCKING FREAKS (1976), but was also remade in 2007 starring Crispin Glover as Montag. The newer version is actually far less gory than the movie that inspired it.

Many labels (Continental, Midnight, Rhino...) issued this on VHS throughout the 80s. Something Weird eventually picked up the entire Lewis catalogue for distribution on DVD, and gave this one a special edition release. It's also available on a Lewis box set.

★1/2

Metamorphosis (1989)

...aka: DNA formula letale

...aka: Lizard

...aka: Reanimator 2

...aka: Regenerator

Directed by:

George Eastman

With his funding falling through and a promising research project about to be prematurely cancelled, Virginia University geneticist Dr. Peter Houseman (Gene Le Brock) decides to rush through his experiments before his superiors decide to pull the plug. He first tries out his serum (which is supposed to increase cell regeneration to the point where aging is halted) on a baboon, but it dies. Then for some reason that puts into question just how bright Dr. Houseman may actually be, he decides to play guinea pig by strapping himself to a chair and getting the serum shot via syringe directly into his brain through his eyeball (!) He emerges temporarily unscatched and has a brief chance to bask in an increased sex drive and higher energy levels before the obligatory bad stuff starts happening. A sexy blonde student tries to tempt him, but he's more interested in romance with single mom Sally (Catherine Baranov), an auditor sent to check up on how Peter has been spending his grant money.

Right after getting involved with Sally, Peter's nastier side starts to emerge. He starts frequently losing his temper, showing signs of super-human strength and suffering from blackouts and bouts of temporary amnesia. During a trip to the zoo, the animals seem to freak out at his mere presence. He's haunted by visions of going to a whorehouse and knocking around a prostitute (Laura Gemser), then realizes he actually did attack her. Peter disappears into the woods for an entire week, but reemerges a week later looking like hell and claiming he's dying. His assistant, Willy Carson (David Wicker), Catherine and some colleagues attempt to help, but it's too late. Peter keeps rapidly aging until he's a wrinkled, bald old man. And from there, instead of just withering away to a pile of bones, he slowly regresses into some prehistoric lifeform just in time for a mild holiday rampage about town.

Writer/director Eastman, best known as an actor (and for his starring role in the 1980 gore-fest THE GRIM REAPER), shot this one for the Italian production company Filmirage, who were also responsible other 80s/90s video favorites as MONSTER HUNTER (1981), GHOST HOUSE (1987), STAGE FRIGHT (1987), WITCHERY (1988) and the legendary TROLL 2 (1990). It was filmed in America with English-speaking actors (of varying degrees of talent), is poorly lit and amounts to little more than a lesser retread of Cronenberg's version of THE FLY (1986), but is still mildly watchable. The premise itself (far-fetched as it is) isn't bad, there's reasonable pacing (at least for the first hour) and some of the make-up effects are OK. However, it also has one of those drawn-out finales - of monster-doc pursuing Catherine and her thoroughly irritating son Tommy (Jason Arnold) through the lab - that never seems to end. And when this finally does present the fully-formed regressed state of Dr. Houseman, hopefully you don't have a mouth full of soda or you might spit it out all your TV screen when you burst out laughing.

Lead actor Le Brock and Stephen Brown (who plays a aged professor here), also starred in the Filmirage production LA CASA 5 / BEYOND THE DARKNESS (1990). Gemser gets a credit for costume design. Here in America, it was originally released to VHS by Imperial Entertainment in 1990 and is now a common fixture on those Mill Creek bargain sets (the copy I viewed is from "50 Chilling Classics"). In Spain it was released as a sequel to RE-ANIMATOR.

★★

Chin nin lui yiu (1990)

...aka: Chase from Beyond
...aka: Demoness from Thousand Years
...aka: Qian nian nu yao
...aka: Thousand Year Ghost

Directed by:
Patrick Yeung

An elderly wizard (Hou Hsiao) does battle with an evil witch (Meg Lam) over what the subs call "the Bead of Hell," which is basically a glowing blue orb. The witch kills him with a fireball and the wizard's two acrobatic, flying female "fairy" students - Yun Yu Yi (Joey Chan) and Siu Yi (Gloria Yip) step in to defend the magical bead. The witch freezes Siu Yi, while Yun flees with the prized possession into some time warp, with the witch following hot on her heels. One thousand years later, arrogant Captain Mambo (Jacky Cheung) and the Royal HK Police Force have just successfully taken down a master criminal. While driving home later that evening, the captain stumbles upon Yun, who is still being pursued by the witch ten centuries later. Mambo takes Yun back to his apartment and allows her to stay there, little knowing what he's about to get himself into but finding himself falling in love with her all the same (and vice versa). Meanwhile, the police are investigating a series of (off-screen) decapitation murders in the area that are possibly related to the witch's emergence in the city. It's later unveiled that the only way to stop her from destoying mankind is to combine the Bead of Hell with another orange-colored one called "Heaven's Sun Bead," which still needs to be located.

The film would have been better if had stuck to the main plotline, but instead it throws in a load of side characters who are downright annoying; constantly mugging and making goofy facial expressions right at the camera. Aside from that, this has enough action and moments of endearing hokiness to keep it watchable. The blossoming romance between Mambo and Yun actually reminded me a lot of SPLASH (1984), with the man letting a strange but beautiful woman unfamiliar with the modern world stay in his apartment until her true identity is revealed. There's a love montage and a love theme song, too. But the film is at it's best when there's fighting going on and boasts some excellent stunt and wire work. A highlight is Yun and Siu's battle with the witch in a large cave at the beginning and end of the film, which incorporates lots of flips, flying, spinning, jumping and swordfighting. Eventually they even start hurtling stalactites at one another! There's also a bizarre subplot likely inspired by GHOSTBUSTERS which involves two paranormal investigators who have all kinds of gadgets they can use to sniff out ghosts. They can also call forth "The King of Hell," a goofy looking blue cartoon face with three eyeballs who says things like "Don't eat chewing gun!" and "Don't bullshit me!"

You can pretty much gouge whether you want to bother with this one by viewing the trailer...

There's no official U.S. release of this one. The bootleg version I saw (which seems derived from a VHS source) had burnt in English subtitles. The subs are white and frequently placed in front of white clothing and furniture; making it impossible to see all of the dialogue.

★★

Witch Academy (1990)

...aka: Little Devils

Directed by:
Fred Olen Ray

What we have here is an S&M-themed horror farce filmed exclusively in one house and littered with familiar faces, hit-or-miss slapstick gags, rubbery monsters and a generous helping of female flesh. At a sorority house, cruel queen bee Wanda (Suzanne Ager) and her underlings, bitchy Tara (Michelle Bauer) and bimbo Darla (Ruth Collins), are at a loss when plans to attend a party fall through. Bored, they decide to invite ultra-geeky would-be pledge Leslie Perkins (Veronica Carothers) over and plan to completely humiliate her. They mock Leslie's clothes as soon as she arrives and chain her up in the basement. There, she's visited by none other than The Devil himself (Robert Vaughn), who transforms Leslie into a sexy vixen who pretends to be Leslie's sister "Becky" and plots to get her own revenge on the sadistic sorority girls who mistreated her. She also occasionally turns into a large lizard monster who sucks out blood with a long tube-like tongue. Priscilla Barnes shows up as the sorority's sexy house mother, as does Jay Richardson as a sleazeball professor, just in time to fall victim to the creature.

The film's raison d'être is clearly to showcase the charms of the actresses on hand, and the film is reasonably successful on that front. Four of the five actresses have their own nude scenes and spend the bulk of their screen time running around dressed in bras, panties, mini-skirts and see-through lingerie. Not only that, the five are also given a platform to engage in farcical comedy and do their very best with the material handed to them. Unfortunately, the material handed to them just isn't all that good. I could never figure out where the "witch" in the title really stems from. Aside from making a telephone blow up (off-screen) several times, the sorority girls are never seen using any kind of special powers at any point in the film, though they'd obviously come in handy after a certain point. There are also some issues with tone. At times it seems like your standard cheapie horror-comedy spoof of deliberately cheesy gags (including a scene directly referencing the blood test in Carpenter's THE THING) and at others it seems like it's trying to find light humor in sadomasochistic behavior, kidnapping and cruelty.

The copyright in the credits says 1990, but it wouldn't be released until years later. In 1993, a heavily-edited version (minus all of the nudity) made its way onto the USA Network's Up All Night program. I found a listing for a German VHS release (under the original title LITTLE DEVILS) on Amazon from the mid 90s but the first home video release I'm aware of in the U.S. is the 2002 DVD through Ray's own company Retromedia. It's worth a look for fans of the actors, but I wouldn't really recommend it to anyone else.

★1/2

Flesh Eaters, The (1961)

Directed by:
Jack Curtis

Pampered, bitchy, alcoholic actress Laura Winters (Rita Morley) needs to get to Provincetown in a hurry to prepare for a new stage production. Her secretary and personal assistant Jan Letterman (Barbara Wilkin) pays pilot Grant Murdoch (Byron Sanders) three times his normal fee to fly them there, despite warnings of a nasty tropical storm heading their way. An hour from their destination, the engine freezes and they're forced to land on a small, uncharted island until the bad weather clears. Almost immediately, they stumble upon German marine biologist Professor Peter Bartell (Martin Kosleck), who's there doing research on aquatic life (so he claims) and offers them food and shelter in his tent until they're able to leave. But Bartell is up to more devious things. He's a former Nazi who's carrying on some kind of experiment on living, glowing crystaline parasites that live in the ocean and like to feast on human flesh. Using powerful electric currents, he also plans on transforming all of the little critters into one gigantic monster. After Laura, Grant and Jan find a beach full of dead fish bones and a human skeleton, Bartell unties their plane and pushes it out to sea; trapping the new visitors there until he has a chance to dispose of them.

Considered by some to be one of the first American gore films, this was filmed several years before BLOOD FEAST (1963), though it wouldn't be released until a year after. And yes, it is indeed quite bloody at times. There are scenes of the parasites eating through a leg (and then getting cut off with a knife), boring their way through a stomach and stripping bodies down to skeletons in seconds, plus some icky moments involving the monsters and a blood-oozing empty eye socket. Though the amount of on-screen grue instant distinguishes it, THE FLESH EATERS also deserves credit in many other areas. As a matter of fact, there's enough positive here, and such a Corman-like efficiency to the whole thing, that I wouldn't hesitate listing it as a great example of how to create much from very little.

For starters, it's surprisingly well-written by early graphic novelist Arnold Drake. Drake has not only come up with a clever and interesting premise, but also created colorful characters and given them very witty, sometimes hilarious dialogue that make even the talkier moments a pleasure to watch. Good lines without a good cast might go waste, but thankfully most of the actors here do a fine job with their roles, particularly Kosleck and Morley. Ray Tudor also has a memorable supporting role as a goofy beatnik who washes up onto the island just when things start getting nasty. Nearly the entire film takes place on a lone stretch of beach, but the beautiful black-and-white cinematography and interesting shot compositions make the absolute most of the location and adequately pull off the desolate island feel. That's even more impressive when you take into consideration this was filmed in Long Island.

Director Arnold (who also shot the film under a pseudonym) would unfortunatley never make another genre film and passed away in 1970. Barbara Wilson (TERROR IN THE MIDNIGHT SUN) appears during the opening sequence. Radley Metzger was the editor. The Dark Sky DVD is an excellent quality print and contains a nazi experimentation sequence removed from the finished film, as well as outtakes.

★★★

Rush Week (1989)

Directed by:
Bob Bralver

Raunchy comedies set on college campuses were very popular in the 80s (and still are). So were slasher movies (ditto). RUSH WEEK combines the two and the results are, surprisingly enough, not too bad. Ambitious journalism major Toni Daniels (Pamela Ludwig), a new transfer to Tambers College, immediately joins the school paper and is given her first assignment; covering Rush Week activities. Toni's actually more interested in stories with some meat to them, such as what happened to Julie Ann McGuffin (Kathleen Kinmont), a law student just reported missing by a concerned roommate. While covering her assigned story, Toni bumps into hunky b.m.o.c. Jeffrey Jacobs (Dean Hamilton), begins seeing him and finds out his former girlfriend, who was also the daughter of school dean Russel Grail (Roy Thinnes), was viciously murdered the previous year. All of the new victims (killed by a cloaked, masked figure brandishing a medieval axe) have been secretly posing nude for fat, bald, bearded cafeteria worker Arnold Krangen (John Donovan), who pays the ladies off with marked hundred dollar bills.

Unlike many of its slasherkin, there's something of a plot here and, while a bit routine at times, the storyline, plot twists and roster of multiple suspects are handled with competence by both the director and writers. Ludwig gives an appealing performance, which is pretty important to the film's success since it revolves mostly around her character. The fact she also enlists the aid of fellow college chums in medical and computer studies was also a clever touch. However, I doubt someone as bright as she appears to be would put herself in the situation she does at the finale. Production values are mostly fine and a good number of the supporting actresses provide the requisite T&A. One thing that's noticably missing is gore, and that's not going to set too well with some viewers. In fact, you have to wait over an hour to get any blood at all (the first three kills are all off-screen). Even then, there's just a quickie axe-to-the-chest and a decapitation.

As with nearly every post-ANIMAL HOUSE film set on a college campus, the humor is pretty crude (parties! mooning! grave robbing!) and a decent amount of time is dedicated to showcasing it. Jeffrey's frat house, where all the cool, fun-loving guys hang, is in some kind of rivalry with another frat house full of stuffy, rich, uptight preps. During one scene, Jeff and a few of his brothers crash a classy reception at their snobby rivals' home and substitute a gay cowboy porno for their initiation video. Other comic gems involve sneaking an actual human finger into a guy's french fries (guess someone just saw THE HITCHER) and tricking a prostitute into screwing a corpse! Rush Week at this particular school also culminates in an annual "fright night" costume party. They even get The Dickies to show up and perform two songs. Their entertaining show involves the lead singer popping out of a coffin dressed like a vampire and the lead guitarist wielding a hilariously huge chainsaw-guitar.

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Gregg Allman of all people shows up as Toni's student advisor/boss. He's a hippie named Cosmo and one of his two briefs scenes has him meditating in a room with a topless woman. Arthur Roberts (who plays the alien guy in the 1988 remake of NOT OF THIS EARTH) makes an even briefer (uncredited) appearance as a future college student's father. The cast also includes Todd Eric Andrews (star of ZAPPED AGAIN!, another campus comedy), Laura Burkett (the girl featured in the BLOOD BEACH ad art) and Dominick Brascia (director of EVIL LAUGH and others).

★★1/2