Ratings Key

= Excellent. The best the genre has to offer.
1/2 = Very Good. Perhaps not "perfect," but undoubtedly a must-see.
★★★ = Good. Accomplishes what it sets out to do and does it well.
★★1/2 = Fair. Clearly flawed and nothing spectacular, but competently made. OK entertainment.
★★ = Mediocre. Either highly uneven or by-the-numbers and uninspired.
1/2 = Bad. Very little to recommend.
= Very Bad. An absolute chore to sit through.
NO STARS! = Abysmal. Unwatchable dreck that isn't even bad-movie amusing.
SBIG = So Bad It's Good. Technically awful movies with massive entertainment value.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Blades (1988)

Directed by:
Thomas R. Rondinella

JAWS meets CADDYSHACK in this TROMA-released horror parody, which follows the entire plot of Spielberg's film nearly scene-for-scene. The "Tall Grass Country Club" is the setting, when a possessed power lawnmower (a supposedly "menacing" machine that looks about as threatening as a pile of rolling scrap metal) goes on a killing spree. Three extremely dull people - a former professional golfer turned hard-drinking has-been needing to prove himself (Robert North), a female Golf Pro angry at losing a promotion (Victoria Scott) and the groundskeeper (Jeremy Whelan) - set out to stop all the carnage and, in slow spots, dumb jokes about "strokes" and "shafts" are made. The low level camera angles are cool, but there isn't enough violence, scares or action for horror fans and not enough laughs for comedy fans, though this has a handful of amusing moments. A dull cast doesn't help matters.
There are cameo appearances from many Z-grade directors, including Jon McBride (CANNIBAL CAMPOUT), Donald G. Jackson (THE DEMON LOVER), John P. Finnegan (GIRLS SCHOOL SCREAMERS), Rondinella himself as a TV director and who could forget the profilic Alan Smithee.


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