Ratings Key

= Excellent. The best the genre has to offer.
1/2 = Very Good. Perhaps not "perfect," but undoubtedly a must-see.
★★★ = Good. Accomplishes what it sets out to do and does it well.
★★1/2 = Fair. Clearly flawed and nothing spectacular, but competently made. OK entertainment.
★★ = Mediocre. Either highly uneven or by-the-numbers and uninspired.
1/2 = Bad. Very little to recommend.
= Very Bad. An absolute chore to sit through.
NO STARS! = Abysmal. Unwatchable dreck that isn't even bad-movie amusing.
SBIG = So Bad It's Good. Technically awful movies with massive entertainment value.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Fangs (1974)

...aka: Holy Wednesday
...aka: Snakes

Directed by:
Arthur A. Names

Snakey Bender (veteran character actor Les Tremayne; pretty charming in a rare lead role) is a friendly, eccentric, misunderstood psychopath who loses it after several strange characters push him over the edge. He decides to get even using his slithering serpents as instruments for revenge. FANGS refreshingly goes out of its way to be different, especially with an odd assortment of colorful characters. A cheerful, outwardly respectful schoolteacher (Bebe Kelly) livens up her weeks by having sex with a huge blacksnake name Lucifer (it's only shown in shadow). A redneck grocery store clerk (Bruce Kimball) and his butch lesbian sister (Alice Nunn) try to seduce the teacher and kill one of Snakey's beloved pets. Snakey's former best friend (Richard Kennedy), his much younger sexpot wife (Janet Wood, who dances topless), and a corrupt preacher (Marvin Kaplan) are the other victims. He keeps Wood prisoner, ties her to a chair and makes her watch as he kills everyone. A pit full of rattlesnakes, an amusing poisonous snake-in-a-barrel game and the teacher covered with a variety snakes are the best death scenes. The music score is credited to John Phillip Souza! Originally titled SNAKES (an even more forgettable title than FANGS), this is cheap looking and flatly photographed, but entertaining and pretty offbeat.

Score: 6 out of 10

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