Ratings Key

= Excellent. The best the genre has to offer.
1/2 = Very Good. Perhaps not "perfect," but undoubtedly a must-see.
★★★ = Good. Accomplishes what it sets out to do and does it well.
★★1/2 = Fair. Clearly flawed and nothing spectacular, but competently made. OK entertainment.
★★ = Mediocre. Either highly uneven or by-the-numbers and uninspired.
1/2 = Bad. Very little to recommend.
= Very Bad. An absolute chore to sit through.
NO STARS! = Abysmal. Unwatchable dreck that isn't even bad-movie amusing.
SBIG = So Bad It's Good. Technically awful movies with massive entertainment value.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Splatter University (1982)

...aka: Campus Killings

Directed by:
Richard W. Haines

God awful Troma release has awful acting and dialogue, a stupid plot, little gore and no nudity, making one wonder why exactly it was released and what kind of audience the filmmakers had in mind when they made it. A new teacher (Francine Forbes) from a small Catholic college tries to find out who is responsible for a rash of murders. There are lots of ridiculous suspects and some major poofy 80s hairstyles. After a girl is killed, her friends unknowingly throw beer cans on her dead body (which is hidden in a dumpster) in the only intentionally funny part. That girl's roommate doesn't even notice she's missing until "3 weeks later." Another dumb ass at a drive-in theater stumbles into the woods alone when her boyfriend doesn't come back even after hearing there's a killer on the loose. For comic relief (?) a guy talks about having herpes, a girl giving some guy a blow job spits and says, "I heard it sucks" and an ugly redhead tries to seduce a priest. The killer is not hard to figure out. For a great laugh, check out the picture on the back cover of the video box (below). It's funnier than anything actually in the movie.
The director made the stupid but much better CLASS OF NUKE 'EM HIGH (1986) and others for Troma. The lead actress was a former teen beauty queen who would go on to become an infomercial queen under the name Forbes Riley. Dick Biel (NEW YORK CENTERFOLD MASSACRE) and co-writer John Elias Michalakis (the director of I WAS A TEENAGE ZOMBIE) are also in it. It was released in R or "Unrated" version, with the latter running just a minute longer.

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