Ratings Key



★★★★
= Excellent. The best the genre has to offer.
★★★
1/2 = Very Good. Perhaps not "perfect," but undoubtedly a must-see.
★★★ = Good. Accomplishes what it sets out to do and does it well.
★★1/2 = Fair. Clearly flawed and nothing spectacular, but competently made. OK entertainment.
★★ = Mediocre. Either highly uneven or by-the-numbers and uninspired.
1/2 = Bad. Very little to recommend.
= Very Bad. An absolute chore to sit through.
NO STARS! = Abysmal. Unwatchable dreck that isn't even bad-movie amusing.
SBIG = So Bad It's Good. Technically awful movies with massive entertainment value.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Splatter University (1982)

...aka: Campus Killings

Directed by:
Richard W. Haines

God awful Troma release has awful acting and dialogue, a stupid plot, little gore and no nudity, making one wonder why exactly it was released and what kind of audience the filmmakers had in mind when they made it. A new teacher (Francine Forbes) from a small Catholic college tries to find out who is responsible for a rash of murders. There are lots of ridiculous suspects and some major poofy 80s hairstyles. After a girl is killed, her friends unknowingly throw beer cans on her dead body (which is hidden in a dumpster) in the only intentionally funny part. That girl's roommate doesn't even notice she's missing until "3 weeks later." Another dumb ass at a drive-in theater stumbles into the woods alone when her boyfriend doesn't come back even after hearing there's a killer on the loose. For comic relief (?) a guy talks about having herpes, a girl giving some guy a blow job spits and says, "I heard it sucks" and an ugly redhead tries to seduce a priest. The killer is not hard to figure out. For a great laugh, check out the picture on the back cover of the video box (below). It's funnier than anything actually in the movie.
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The director made the stupid but much better CLASS OF NUKE 'EM HIGH (1986) and others for Troma. The lead actress was a former teen beauty queen who would go on to become an infomercial queen under the name Forbes Riley. Dick Biel (NEW YORK CENTERFOLD MASSACRE) and co-writer John Elias Michalakis (the director of I WAS A TEENAGE ZOMBIE) are also in it. It was released in R or "Unrated" version, with the latter running just a minute longer.

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