Ratings Key

= Excellent. The best the genre has to offer.
1/2 = Very Good. Perhaps not "perfect," but undoubtedly a must-see.
★★★ = Good. Accomplishes what it sets out to do and does it well.
★★1/2 = Fair. Clearly flawed and nothing spectacular, but competently made. OK entertainment.
★★ = Mediocre. Either highly uneven or by-the-numbers and uninspired.
1/2 = Bad. Very little to recommend.
= Very Bad. An absolute chore to sit through.
NO STARS! = Abysmal. Unwatchable dreck that isn't even bad-movie amusing.
SBIG = So Bad It's Good. Technically awful movies with massive entertainment value.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Hollywood's New Blood (1988)

Directed by:
James Shyman

It's cliched! It's boring! It's a stupid, gore-less, humorless horror film with no surprises, no scares, no violence, no special effects, no nudity and no anything else that could potentially entertain a viewer. It wouldn't even be too much of a stretch to say that a nursery school pageant is more professional! It's so bad it makes me want to petition the IMDb for a 0 to be added to the rating system. And it was all shot using a standard consumer-grade VHS camcorder, which you probably have tucked away somewhere in a closet. Now I have absolutely no problem against no-budget movies. This no budget movie, however, I do have a problem with because it's entirely pointless and done with no talent or imagination. The plot revolves around a bunch of dense college-aged acting students who come together one stormy weekend to work on some project at a secluded cabin. Unfortunately for them (and ever more unfortunately for us) some psycho killers who were physically scarred when their house blew up (part of some elaborate film crew prank that backfired years earlier), show up and start killing everyone off. It's just like a home-video quality FRIDAY THE 13TH movie minus all the good stuff. Could a movie be any worse? Geesh, I hope not.

Stars Bobby Johnston (who became a soft-core porn regular in the 90s) and Francine Lapensee both showed up later in the much better film DEMON WIND (1990), and Joe Balogh would pop up a few more times in other d-t-v horror flicks. Although he's not listed here anywhere in the credits, one of the victims is played by Ken Abraham (who may be the "Kent Abrams" in the credits), a B-horror regular of the late 80s - early 90s.

Score: 1 out of 10


spookyx3 said...

SOV slasher basics. probably didn't even have a script. runs just over an hour, then ends with _seven minutes_ of repeated footage (not FX shots; there are none), and a separate credit scroll. copyright 1989, by the way.

The Bloody Pit of Horror said...

This is definitely one of the worst of its type. It literally does NOTHING that it should as far as these things go!

spookyx3 said...

it's one of _those_ SOV tapes that really feels like they broke out the camera right after finding somewhere to shoot, and figured out how to fill time as they went along. besides a couple of "cut-to" gags (girl's just been hit on: "i'm going to bed, where it's safe!" -- bloody sheets, upstairs. / about a 'disinterested' couple: "i won't be inviting them to next year's seminar!" -- both students dead outside the cabin) none of this has been thought about, much.

The Bloody Pit of Horror said...

I read it was a Raedon in-house production. Guess that says it all!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...