Ratings Key



★★★★
= Excellent. The best the genre has to offer.
★★★
1/2 = Very Good. Perhaps not "perfect," but undoubtedly a must-see.
★★★ = Good. Accomplishes what it sets out to do and does it well.
★★1/2 = Fair. Clearly flawed and nothing spectacular, but competently made. OK entertainment.
★★ = Mediocre. Either highly uneven or by-the-numbers and uninspired.
1/2 = Bad. Very little to recommend.
= Very Bad. An absolute chore to sit through.
NO STARS! = Abysmal. Unwatchable dreck that isn't even bad-movie amusing.
SBIG = So Bad It's Good. Technically awful movies with massive entertainment value.

Friday, March 14, 2014

Nightmare on Porn Street (1988)

Directed by:
Scotty Fox


1988 was a big year for Freddy Krueger. In August, A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master shattered several box office records for independent productions on its way to becoming the highest-grossing film in the franchise until 2003's Freddy vs. Jason. Two months later came the debut of "Freddy's Nightmares;" an anthology TV series hosted by you-know-who that sometimes also featured stories centered around the dream-slayer. He made guest appearances on the syndicated TV series "DC Follies," conquered MTV with his very own hour long special and an appearance in DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince's music video for "A Nightmare on My Street" and even got to rap in the Fat Boys song "Are You Ready for Freddy?" And, of course, let us not forget the videotaped porno parody Nightmare on Porn Street. Well actually, most have forgotten it. Either that or they'd never want to admit they actually watched it. And it doesn't really even feature Freddy due to a little thing called copyright infringement but that's really just a minor technicality. Nowadays porn parodies of horror films are not rare at all. Everything from Halloween to The Silence of the Lambs to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre to Psycho has been given an X spoof (sometimes multiple ones) hoping to rope in fans of both horror and hardcore. Back in 1988? Well, it wasn't all that common then. Sure, in the 1970s there were porn films featuring vampire or Satanism plots meant to poke fun at horror films, but things didn't get pointed in the direction of specific films until later on. Perhaps the big trend-setter in this department was Friday the 13th: A Nude Beginning (1987) starring Amber Lynn and some guy in a hockey mask. The following year we got this one as well as THE GHOSTESS WITH THE MOSTESS (1988), which borrowed the plot from Beetlejuice. And there are likely others I've never even heard of.








Blonde college student Melissa Tyson (Britt Morgan) wanders into a strange old house, opens up a file cabinet labeled "Victims," pulls out a photo of herself and it suddenly catches on fire. Eddie (Randy Spears), dressed in a trench coat and hat, enters and informs her she's in his house. "Every street I went down and everywhere I turned the house was just there.., and blocking my way... and... just begging for me to enter!," explains Melissa. "And now you want me to... enter... you." returns Eddie before a 10-minute long sex scene in front of a fireplace. For some reason that perhaps only the filmmakers could explain, there's a large framed photo of George Washington on the wall behind them. 

After they finish up, Melissa wakes up in bed. It was only a nightmare. She goes to class the next day to confess her dream to her friends Tracy Williams (Brandi Wine) and Bradley (Mike Horner), only to find out Tracy had the exact same dream about Eddie, who was a janitor at their old high school, died in a chemistry lab explosion and used to watch the three of them play doctor in the school's boiler room. Because of a boring lecture, Tracy falls asleep in class and awakens to find herself alone in the room with her professor, Mr. Wesson (Robert Bullock, speaking in an annoying nasal voice), who gives her a back massage and tries to psychoanalyze her. "Don't get so deep with me, Mr. Wesson... You know I don't understand that stuff!" "The deepest I plan to go with you Miss Williams is 8 inches." Cue scene #2.








In a nod to the original Elm Street film, Melissa has Bradley come over to her house to watch her sleep and make sure she isn't having a nightmare. They talk about something but I barely paid attention because I couldn't keep my eyes off the giant canister of Cheese Balls Brad was eating. He ends up falling asleep and awakens with Melissa's mom (Shanna McCullough) lying in her daughter's place dressed in lingerie. "My name's Beverly, but you call me... yours." She whips out her breasts ("How do you like them apples?") and sex scene #3 begins. Afterward, Beverly turns into Eddie and Bradley wakes up screaming and confused about who he really screwed. The next day at class, the three students discuss matters again. Melissa confesses to still being terrified to sleep because she disapproves of "... being a pawn in someone else's fantasy... even if I do get off pretty good." Tracy is scared because "He's so big I don't think I could take it again!" And perhaps Bradley has the most to worry about: "I woke up with KY jelly in the crack of my ass... I can't hold my shit any more." They organize a sleepover to watch each other sleep. Tracy is tricked into having sex with Eddie (who transforms into Melissa's mom for the obligatory lesbian scene) and then Melissa finally decides to take control of her own dream life during her final romp with Eddie in the classroom. The end.






So there you pretty much have it: five sex scenes and a few dumb laughs crammed into 75 minutes of poorly-shot 80s video. There are no real fx and they didn't bother with any makeup for Eddie, but at least all three actresses have nice all-natural bodies, everyone looks like they're having fun and the whole thing is lighthearted and good-humored. "I want more of the same!," you say? Well, you're in luck. There are loads of other Elm Street pornos on the market to cater to just about every taste out there, including...

Wet Dream on Elm Street (1990) (Cinderella Distributors)

Nightmare on Dyke Street (1992) (HIP Video)

A Nightmare on Twink Street (2010) (Saggerz Skaterz)

A Wet Dream on Elm Street (2011) (Tom Byron Pictures)

Director Fox (whose real name is Scott Cox, which begs the question: If you're going into this line of work and are given a porn-sounding name by birthright, why even bother to change it?) had his hand in several hundred other porn videos, including the vampire-themed Bite! (1990) and the Stephen King-inspired Tomi Knockers (1994). Spears, one of the better-looking male adult stars of his day, would pick up the occasional mainstream gig like starring in Chuck Vincent's thriller BAD BLOOD (1989) on his way to appearing in over a thousand hardcore films. McCullough (who was sometimes billed as "Marcia Grey") also turned up in a few R-rated horror films like The Dead Pit (1989) and Lukas' Child (1993). The film was released on the Moonlight Entertainment label.

★★

9 comments:

Bernando said...

Haha. So much porn so little time

The Bloody Pit of Horror said...

Yes... there were way more of these things than I ever could have imagined! Actually I found at least three other Elm Street ones but the DVD / VHS cases were too X-rated for me to put on here.

Bernando said...

I remember watching some Texas CHainsaw Massacre porno back in my teens. Cant remember the name of it but it was low budget and had a guy in a leatherface running around with a dildo or something haha, good times.

The Bloody Pit of Horror said...

That may have been "Texas Vibrator Massacre."

Anonymous said...

I think the people behind (heh) A Nightmare on Twink Street also did parodies of Saw and Black Christmas (which I believe has yet to receive a straight spoof, despite the winning premise).

The Bloody Pit of Horror said...

I knew there was a straight Saw porn spoof but I never heard of a gay one. Same for Black Xmas. That's random!

Anonymous said...

Yeah, the Black Christmas one took me by surprise, enough for me to track down and buy it. Not good, but I can at least give them props for it being almost completely serious.

The killer looked fucking ridiculous, wearing what looked like an army helmet, and a goddamn cape.

There's been quite a few Saw parodies, though the only ones really worth watching are Saw: A Hardcore Parody (straight) and Bonesaw (gay). They're both serious, with the former even getting all meta and commentative by the end.

... Yeah, I have kind of a thing for XXX horror; an oft-ignored amalgamation of two already mostly maligned genres.

The Bloody Pit of Horror said...

Ha, your description of the Black Xmas one *almost* makes me want to watch it. I found a "Scream" parody as well called "Moan." It's hard to tell just how many of these XXX horror parodies there actually are. Probably hundreds.

I recently got Dark Angels 1 & 2, which are X vampire movies that look pretty decent. I'll probably be watching them here in the next few months.

Anonymous said...

I've idly thought about making a comprehensive list of every horror-porno (parodies and originals). Maybe one day...

I've been looking for Moan for a while. It (a physical copy, at least) is proving surprisingly elusive. In recent years, there's been at least two straight Scream parodies, one of which is seemingly set in the same universe as the series, featuring a Ghostface who is going after the cast and crew of a porno based on the Stab films that were inspired by Sydney's life. Clever.

I've heard of the Dark Angels duology, and while it's supposedly surprisingly bloody, I have no real interest in checking it out, as I've always hated vampires (horny or otherwise). Hope you enjoy it, though.

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