Ratings Key



★★★★
= Excellent. The best the genre has to offer.
★★★
1/2 = Very Good. Perhaps not "perfect," but undoubtedly a must-see.
★★★ = Good. Accomplishes what it sets out to do and does it well.
★★1/2 = Fair. Clearly flawed and nothing spectacular, but competently made. OK entertainment.
★★ = Mediocre. Either highly uneven or by-the-numbers and uninspired.
1/2 = Bad. Very little to recommend.
= Very Bad. An absolute chore to sit through.
NO STARS! = Abysmal. Unwatchable dreck that isn't even bad-movie amusing.
SBIG = So Bad It's Good. Technically awful movies with massive entertainment value.

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Pembalasan ratu pantai selatan (1989)

... aka: Lady Terminator
... aka: Nasty Hunter
... aka: Revenge of the South Seas Queen, The
... aka: Shooting Star
... aka: Snake Terminator
... aka: Terminator Woman

Directed by:
"Jalil Jackson" (H. Tjut Djalil)

Sometimes I regret having a ratings system on this blog because movies like Lady Terminator, and the strange enjoyment they provide, really transcend all that. On one hand, this whole thing is completely laughable. The acting is mostly terrible, the dialogue is terrible, the dubbing makes both even more terrible and the whole thing is a blatant rip-off of the previous year's big hit The Terminator (1984). On the other hand, it's so over-the-top, so sleazy, so loaded down with sex and violence and so utterly ridiculous that you can't help but be thoroughly entertained. The fact the filmmakers went into this with serious intentions makes it all the more enjoyable. During the pre-credits sequence we're shown what the legendary South Sea Queen was up to 100 years ago, i.e. fucking a man to death, having her handmaidens drag away the body and then sighing "Is there any man who can satisfy me?" A man named Elias shows up to her castle home and seems to be doing a pretty good job at it until he steals an eel that comes out of her vagina (!) The eel then turns into a sword, lightning strikes and the Queen tells the guy that in a century she'll be back to get her revenge on his great granddaughter. She then vanishes and walks out into the sea.






A century later, American anthropology student Tania Wilson (Barbara Anne Constable) shows up in Indonesia working on her thesis. The subject? The South Sea Queen, of course! She goes to get a book and is warned by the librarian not to mess with this stuff. She then charters a boat and is warned by the captain not to mess with this stuff. And then she messes with this stuff, goes snorkeling by the the now-underwater castle the queen used to live in and ends up tied to a bed where a poorly animated eel enters her between the legs. Now possessed by the evil queen, Tanya emerges from the ocean buck naked and encounters two drunk punks on the beach; both of whom she proceeds to fuck to death. She goes to a hotel, destroys the room with lightning bolts that shoot out of her eyes and then kills a security guard by, you guessed it, fucking him to death. When castrated bodies start filling up the morgue ("I've heard of the ultimate blow job but this is too much!"), widowed detective Max McNeil (Christopher J. Hart) and a few of his officer buddies are on the case.






Erika (Claudia Angelique Rademaker) is a fast-rising pop star who also happens to be the descendant the Queen wants to snuff out. The possessed Tanya (now dressed in leather pants, boots, studded jacket and a spandex sports bra) starts following Erika around everywhere armed with a machine gun. She shoots up a mall, shoots up a nightclub and shoots up a police station in bloody, action-packed scenes. Erika's white-haired great uncle Masabu (played by the director) shows up long enough to give her a special dagger; the only thing that can stop the Queen, before taking a round of ammo directly to the crotch. There are two car chases, lots of car crashes and explosions and plenty of blood-letting; including an eyeball getting pulled out and at least a hundred people getting gunned down. A few of Max's gung-ho American army buddies fly in for the big finale, which is set at an airport and features a helicopter firing missiles at Tanya's car and her getting blown up with a rocket launcher, only to emerge as a burned-up zombie shooting pink lasers out of her eyes. Amazing stuff!






Despite being surrounded by awful actors, Constable is actually pretty memorable in the central role and has the emotionless evil scowl down pat. She's also super sexy and looks great naked, so that doesn't hurt matters either. Born in London, prior to making this film she was a model and dancer who'd also appeared as a featured 'Pet' in Australian Penthouse. Here, she impressively does most of her own difficult-looking stunts and she even suffered several injuries during the 3-month shoot. This was sadly her only major role and she also gets a credit for doing the make-up. Oh, and I'd be amiss if I didn't even mention Max's pal Snake (Adam Stardust); a mullet-sporting, pot-smoking dude who speaks in a hilarious surfer dude accent.






The DVD is from Mondo Macabro, who also released the director's flying witch head oddity MYSTICS IN BALI (1981). Don't miss it.

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