Ratings Key

= Excellent. The best the genre has to offer.
1/2 = Very Good. Perhaps not "perfect," but undoubtedly a must-see.
★★★ = Good. Accomplishes what it sets out to do and does it well.
★★1/2 = Fair. Clearly flawed and nothing spectacular, but competently made. OK entertainment.
★★ = Mediocre. Either highly uneven or by-the-numbers and uninspired.
1/2 = Bad. Very little to recommend.
= Very Bad. An absolute chore to sit through.
NO STARS! = Abysmal. Unwatchable dreck that isn't even bad-movie amusing.
SBIG = So Bad It's Good. Technically awful movies with massive entertainment value.

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Black Santa's Revenge (2007)

Directed by:
David Walker

Veteran horror star Ken Foree, from such classics as George A. Romero's DAWN OF THE DEAD (1978), Stuart Gordon's FROM BEYOND (1986) and Michael Fischa's DEATH SPA (1987)... well, ok, scratch that last one... stars in this 20-minute horror-comedy short, which he also co-produced. Needing some good karma because of his checkered criminal past, an unnamed man (Foree) donates his time playing Santa at a local community center to help raise money for charity. Four armed thugs show up, knock him out and then steal all of the toys that shelter has purchased for poor kids. A skeptical police detective doesn't believe his story and implies he was somehow involved, but has a chance of tune once the same thugs rob the Salvation Army. Worried the kids are going to think he's a (insert DOLEMITE nod here) "rat soup-eatin' motherfucka" and their "merry mother fuckin' Christmas" is gonna "suck ass," Black Santa decides to go drown his sorrows at the local strip club. There, he spots one of the thugs and decides to follow him back to his gang's headquarters armed with a shotgun.

Black Santa shoots several guys (even blowing a hole through one), rips off an ear and pokes out eyeballs with his fingers, then finds out one of his co-workers is the mastermind behind the robbery. There's also a (terrible) CGI head explosion, some brief T&A and Ken gets to spout some one-liners ("Makin' my list, checkin' it twice, gonna put all your mother fuckers on ice!") while doing all of this. When I acquired a copy of this (which is based on an underground comic book of the same name by the director), I figured it would have to be fun. Surprisingly enough, it's not. It's actually kind of depressing, not particularly funny or clever, just too damn obvious in its pseudo-hip wanna be blaxploitation retro vibe and just another example of something trying to glide along on concept, without any talent behind the actual execution. I am, however, thankful for the short running time.


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