Ratings Key

= Excellent. The best the genre has to offer.
1/2 = Very Good. Perhaps not "perfect," but undoubtedly a must-see.
★★★ = Good. Accomplishes what it sets out to do and does it well.
★★1/2 = Fair. Clearly flawed and nothing spectacular, but competently made. OK entertainment.
★★ = Mediocre. Either highly uneven or by-the-numbers and uninspired.
1/2 = Bad. Very little to recommend.
= Very Bad. An absolute chore to sit through.
NO STARS! = Abysmal. Unwatchable dreck that isn't even bad-movie amusing.
SBIG = So Bad It's Good. Technically awful movies with massive entertainment value.

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Pot Zombies (2009)

Directed by:
Justin Powers

"The makers of Pot Zombies do not condone the use of marijuana." They also don't condone using tripods for exterior shots, providing their film with a plot or employing real actors. Hell, they obviously didn't even bother tapping high school or college theater classes for their "talent." Regardless, I can tolerate zero budget films like this if they are done with some level of originality or enthusiasm. I can also tolerate terrible acting. I know when you're just getting started sometimes you have to draft friends and family to play roles. However, this film lacks virtually everything that goes into a decent comedy, a decent zombie film or even a decent no budget film. It's basically just lame grade school level pot humor combined with some of the worst special effects you will ever seen. There isn't even a plot. It jumps from one pitifully unfunny "vignette" to another, with nothing linking it all together aside from toxic weed. So basically you'll get a bunch of 5-10 minute scenes, featuring a bunch of horrible actors pretending to be stoners, who sit around smoking pot before turning into zombies and killing one another. This goes on for about an hour or so and then it ends. Really pathetic. It's like they didn't even try and thought whatever they slapped together would be sold by title and concept alone. Nevermind the fact that contaminated pot turning the users evil is hardly a new concept. Remember CLASS OF NUKE 'EM HIGH from way back in 1986?

The film starts with three rednecks talking about the pleasures of cold beer and pulling tampons out with their teeth (yep, that's the level of humor you'll find here) while toking on a joint. Said joint turns them into green-faced zombies with glowing green eyes (horrid CG effect) who attack and start eating the others. Things cut to a classroom where a stoned student also transforms and rips his teacher's heart out of her chest. There are also scenes at a concert and at a party, as well as other places. Each bit is cut with really horrible computer graphics, such as the film logo and animated joints; one has boobs and the other farts... oh, how witty. There's also a mock news program, captions and a subpar trip sequence or two. Absolutely nothing even remotely funny or interesting happens in the entire film. Toward the end, the movie throws the viewer a bone by having a gratuitous T&A lesbian scene with two goth girls making out. They smoke pot and when one goes down on the other, she turns into a zombie and starts "eating" the other girl. Hee Hee. Groan. There's also a performance from a band where the lead male guitarist stands on stage buck naked before impaling someone with his guitar. The special effects are typical of home video product, but this movie takes it a step further and makes it seem even cheaper by employing some of the lamest CGI blood spurts you'll ever see.

The film was released by Troma and features some obligatory Troma in-jokes. There's a poster for TERROR FIRMER on a wall and Lloyd Kaufman shows up in a stupid cameo as a retarded pizza delivery man who is killed. Another clichéd touch is a clip from NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD playing on a TV set in the background, which is ironically the only point of interest here.

Even if you're a zombie movie fanatic like I am, my advice is to skip this one. It's a rip-off and a waste of time.


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