Ratings Key



★★★★
= Excellent. The best the genre has to offer.
★★★
1/2 = Very Good. Perhaps not "perfect," but undoubtedly a must-see.
★★★ = Good. Accomplishes what it sets out to do and does it well.
★★1/2 = Fair. Clearly flawed and nothing spectacular, but competently made. OK entertainment.
★★ = Mediocre. Either highly uneven or by-the-numbers and uninspired.
1/2 = Bad. Very little to recommend.
= Very Bad. An absolute chore to sit through.
NO STARS! = Abysmal. Unwatchable dreck that isn't even bad-movie amusing.
SBIG = So Bad It's Good. Technically awful movies with massive entertainment value.

Friday, July 6, 2012

Amateur Porn Star Killer 3: The Final Chapter (2009)

Directed by:
Shane Ryan

This isn't a film. It's a home movie "starring" an extremely whiny guy who pays porno stars to have sex with him while he films it with a camcorder and then jerks said camcorder around a little bit to simulate killing them after the sex is over. Repeated over and over and over again. Sound fun? It's not. At all. You will not seen one human being's complete and utter lack of talent, intelligence, imagination or ambition so evidently on display as you will right here. And the worst part of all is that this is just plain boring. The film does contain graphic nudity and flashes of hardcore sex throughout, but who cares? You can see better-looking actors and actresses performing in standard hardcore without the added annoyance of the camera constantly jerking around and going out of focus. As a horror film it's also a complete bust. It's never scary. It's never disturbing. It never once pulls off the fake snuff vibe it so desperately wants to capture. And the "acting" (especially from the lead male - who also happens to the director, writer and producer) fails to convince. At least with the AUGUST UNDERGROUND films you can expect some gore and over-the-top tastelessness to go along with the graphic nudity. This can't even deliver on that front.

Things begin with a young woman being forced to strip completely nude outside near a farm. The killer then forces her to do a couple of sex acts and finally hits her over the head with a stick. Next up is a silicone-enhanced blonde at a beach, who is coerced back to a hotel for more of the same. She's strangled. After three women are killed, the film then goes into one of the most boring stretches contained in any film as the killer and a proposed victim/hitchhiker/aspiring actress (played by tattooed / silicone adult film star Regan Reece) talk, argue, talk and argue some more while driving around in a car. Even if morbid curiosity gets the better of you and you find yourself wanting to watch this, I doubt you'll make it through this passage without use of your fast forward button. It's all worthless. In between the "action" we get random shots of trees, cows, buildings, road signs, cars and basically anything else that will fill up time. I guess they had to film something since the script probably was about 5 pages long.

There are already a ton of nasty humiliation pornos from the likes of Khan Tusion and Max Hardcore on the market that are easy to find. I've not watched any of these, but I've read descriptions and they make this sound like an episode of Sesame Street by comparison. So if you really want to see X-rated sex and women being abused, choked and berated, perhaps you'd be better off checking out one of those instead? I guarantee they'd be more shocking that anything you'll see in APSK3; the sad little tale of a sad little narcissist who uses the guise of horror filmmaker to have sex with women who probably otherwise wouldn't give him the time of day. Call him an inspiration if you like.

NO STARS!

No comments:

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...