Di yu wu men (1980)

... aka: Hell Has No Gates
... aka: Kung Fu Cannibals, The
... aka: No Door to Hell
... aka: We're Going to Eat You

Directed by:
Hark Tsui

Director Hark Tsui's second outing (following 1979's THE BUTTERFLY MURDERS) is a highly uneven combo of gory cannibal horror, crude comedy and nearly non-stop kung fu action scenes. Two guys arrive on an isolated island by boat. Almost immediately, they're attacked by four masked men in bloody smocks, who kill one and drag both back to their village butcher shop, where one is gutted, the other is sawed in half. Turns out the island is home to a clan of cannibals; all of whom seem to be driven delirious by the taste of human flesh. The Chief of the village (Hung Gao aka Eddy Ko) is a tyrant who tries to live high off the hog (or is that high off the human?) by taking most of the meat for himself and his security force, while throwing the peasants the scraps. Anyone who threatens to leave the island is killed, butchered and eaten. A bumbling petty thief disguised as a blind man (played by Kwok Choi Hon), and Agent 999 (Norman Tsui Sui-Keung aka Norman Chu) , a chain-smoking civil servant working for the Central Surveillance Agency, are the next two visitors to the island. The agent is there to locate and arrest a bandit named Rolex (Kam-seng Wong aka Melvin Wong), who has a fist tattooed on his chest. Predictable slapstick carnage ensues.

The premise itself is serviceable, but there's barely enough plot complication present to sustain a feature length film. The film tries to make up for that by loading it down with action (most of which is well-choreographed by Corey Yuen), which is OK if you're in the mood for nothing but loud, brainless action, but still grows a bit tiresome after about an hour. Hey, there are only so many times our hero can be apprehended and escape, eh? The humor is also of varying degrees of success. There are a few clever visual gags, bits of tasteless humor and some amusing lines, but unless you automatically find exaggerated facial expressions, nose-picking, STD's, messy eating and flatulence funny, many of the attempts at humor fall flat. One of the big comic subplots involves a sexually-insatiable transvestite whore named Vietnam Rose (played by a huge, ugly man in overdone makeup), who basically tries to rape every man 'she' comes across.

Strangely enough, some of this nonsense is clearly trying to make some sort of anti-Communism statement in regards to how the cannibal society is set up, how it's ruled (the Chief's mantra is "In our line of work, if you don't eat people they'll eat you!") and how poorly the general population on the island (including the local priest) is treated. It's a bit difficult to take seriously with all of the over-the-top juvenilia, but it's an interesting element to the film, regardless. There's no shortage of violence and blood either, with numerous slashings, impalements, dismemberments, decapitations, fingers cut off and the like. The effects work is pretty average, with rubber body parts and thin, watery blood that looks suspiciously like cranberry juice. But hey, how many other kung fu cannibal comedies can you think of?

It wasn't long after this that the director would become one of Hong Kong's most popular filmmakers. Born in Vietnam, his family moved to Hong Kong when he was 14. After primary studies, Tsui would travel to the U.S. to major in film at the University of Texas in the mid 70s. After some TV work, he returned to Hong Kong to work in television before branching out to do his own films. In 1984, he co-founded his own production company, which had a huge hit on their hands with the John Woo-directed international hit A BETTER TOMORROW (1986). Tsui solidified his status as a top filmmaker with such films as the award-winning ONCE UPON A TIME IN CHINA (1991). He'd also direct the genre films ZU WARRIORS (1983), A CHINESE GHOST STORY II (1990), A CHINESE GHOST STORY III (1991) and MISSING (2008).

The DVD is from Tokyo Shock, a division of Media Blasters. The only extras on the disc are unrelated trailers for other Asian films released through the same company.

★★

Brotherhood of Satan, The (1970)

... aka: Come in Children

Directed by:
Bernard McEveety

I was expecting another mediocre 70s Satanism movie (thanks to the middling reviews this often receives) and instead got a invigorating, thoroughly entertaining, visually beautiful and sometimes even surreal take on the subgenre that's full of small and unexpected surprises. While it may crib ideas from such varied sources as VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED (1960) and ROSEMARY'S BABY (1968), this manages to differentiate itself - in both story and presenation - and finds its own unique tone in the process. It's also expertly paced, has some very interesting art direction and vivid lighting and boasts a smart, nicely-layered script that immediately starts building intrigue through ambiguity before revealing too much of the actual plot. Things begin with a perplexing sequence of a toy tank, followed by a real tank rolling over a car and crushing an entire family. Well, aside from a little boy, who miraculously manages to walk away from the wreckage completely unscathed to join some other blank-faced children.

Vacationing engineer Ben (Charles Bateman), a widower from California, along with his young daughter K.T. (Geri Reischl) and girlfriend Nicky (Ahna Capri) are driving through the desert when they pick up strange static over the radio. They stumble upon the crushed car and the bloody remains of the people inside, and then drive off for help. Upon arriving in the small town called Hillsboro, the family encounters an uncooperative cop who doesn't seem the least bit interested in the accident and are immediately chased away by a mob of armed, crazed townspeople. They get in the car, take off and end up swerving and crashing to avoid hitting a little girl who seems to materialize out of thin air in the middle of the road. Now they have no choice but to head back to Hillsboro to find a mechanic. Before they do, we bear witness to a strange scene of a possessed doll using supernatural powers to kill a couple. Afterward, the couple's children wander off the join the same children who appeared at the accident site.

Ben, Nicky and K.T. finally end up getting some information about the strange events that have been unfolding in Hillsboro. Prior to their arrival, twenty-six people had been slaughtered in just 72 hours, and nearly every child between the ages of 6 and 9 have disappeared. Even stranger, some kind of malevolent supernatural force has kept anyone from entering or leaving the town for three whole days. Well, with the sole exception of Ben and company. As we later learn, there's a shortage of little girls of the appropriate age in the area... and eventually K.T. is among the missing children. Ben and Nicky set out to discover just what in the hell (pun intended) is going on. They're joined by the genial town physician Doc Duncan (Strother Martin), the frustrated Sheriff Pete (L.Q. Jones) and his deputy Tobey (Alvy Moore), as well as a priest (Charles Knox Robinson), who is doubted by everyone at the beginning and then ends up going a little crazy after witnessing a decapitation. I'm not going to reveal much more about the plot aside from mentioning it involves soul transference and a "circle of thirteen" devil cult.

If this had been made in any country other than the United States, it would be praised for its highly stylized and colorful lighting and amazing art direction. In fact, I strongly suspected that Dario Argento saw this movie before he made his critically-acclaimed SUSPIRIA (1977). The two not only share basic plot similarities but also feature a surprisingly similar color pallette and very abstract production design. Brotherhood also boasts one of the strangest children's parties I've seen (complete with a hooded Satanist delivering some black-and-red cake), plus has a long, artsy and truly bizarre nightmare sequence and other memorable moments. The ending is also unexpected and excellent.

It was produced by co-stars Jones and Moore. The DVD (a handsome print) is available through Columbia TriStar.

★★★

Curtains (1982)

Directed by:
"Jonathan Styker" (Richard Ciupka)

Here's yet another Canadian entry in the early 80s slasher cycle. It's from the same producer of PROM NIGHT (1980) and is less famous than most others in its subgenre, such as TERROR TRAIN (1979) or MY BLOODY VALENTINE (1981). The production history was a troubled one. Curtains actually began filming in 1980, but production was shut down for upwards of a year. One of the main roles was recast, there were numerous re-shoots and the completed film (which certainly shows all the tell-tale signs of its checkered past) wasn't even released in 1983. The reviews were dismal, the producer claims to have filmed at least half of the movie sans credit and the director opted to have his name removed from the credits (and replaced by the name of the film's fictitious director character 'Jonathan Stryker'). Everything opens somewhat promisingly. Famous actress Samantha Sherwood (Samantha Eggar) is set to star as a madwoman in a thriller called Audra. Director and frequent collaborator Jonathan Stryker (John Vernon) brings her into an insane asylum, where she promptly attacks him with a knife, is restrained and put in a straight jacket by the hospital staff. Turns out that Samantha and Jonathan has just faked everything so she can be locked away and 'research' her upcoming role. However, Jonathan decides to just leave Samantha in the nuthouse and cast someone else as Audra.

A casting call is placed in Variety and Jonathan narrows down the possible leads to six actresses, who are summoned to a remote, snowbound mansion for an extended period of time to try out for the role. Amongst the candidates for the high-profile gig are wisecracking, pot-smoking stand-up comedienne Patti O'Connor (Lynne Griffin, from the superior Canadian slasher BLACK CHRISTMAS), fragile dancer Laurian Summers (Anne Ditchburn) and naive champion figure skater Christie Burns (Lesleh Donaldson, from FUNERAL HOME). There's also miserable, desperate veteran actress Brooke Parsons (Linda Thorson, who was best known for replacing Diana Rigg on the last few seasons of The Avengers), who's been hitting the bottle a little too hard recently and claims she "would kill for the part," and magazine centerfold Tara DeMillo ("Sandra Warren" aka Sandee Currie, from the aforementioned Terror Train), who's not above using her feminine wiles to secure the role. The sixth actress, Amanda (Deborah Burgess), is getting bored of acting out rape and pizza delivery boy fantasies with her boyfriend. Good thing for her some psycho sneaks into her apartment and stabs her to death before she even has a chance to make it to Stryker's audition. Meanwhile, Samantha has managed to escape from the mental institution with help from her friend.

Stryker (who seems most interested in bedding the hopefuls than actually casting the movie), an already-cast lead actor (Michael Wincott), the five remaining actresses and Samantha (who shows up presumably to either fight for the role of Audra - after all she was the one who purchased the rights to it - or get revenge on Stryker) end up stranded at the mansion after a bad snow storm. A killer decked out in a wrinkly old lady mask and stringy wig begins bumping them off one by one. Naturally, there are no shortage of suspects, as basically everyone has a possible reason to either trim the competition or ruin the production before it can actually begin.

Most of the actors are talented, the killer's mask is pretty creepy-looking and there are a handful of effective scenes; including the asylum scenes with Eggar (aside from several visible boom mic shots) and a great sequence on an ice rink where the killer skates toward one of his/her victims brandishing a scythe. There's also a chase scene inside a room full of movie props which lasts a whopping twelve minutes if you're into that kind of thing. Otherwise, this is a tame, middling, dreary film with mediocre writing and pacing issues. Very slow-moving for the duration of its runtime, this starts getting a bit chaotic toward the end. In recent years, many slasher fans have elevated this to classic status (possibly because of its obscurity for several decades and belated release to DVD), but I can't say that I personally agree. It's watchable, with some good moments sprinkled throughout, but ultimately nothing special. I'd still like to see a better quality version and will reevaluate it if I do. Maury Chaykin and Kate Lynch (the stars of DEF-CON 4) have small roles.

Trivia Note: Future Playboy Playmate of the Year, late night cable soft-core queen and Mrs. Gene Simmons, Shannon Tweed, provided some brief topless body doubling.

The DVD I watched (which was a poor, dark transfer from a VHS source) was released by Echo Bridge Home Entertainment. It's contained on their release "The Midnight Horror Collection: Bloody Slashers" and is paired on one disc with HOBOKEN HOLLOW (2005), SECRETS OF THE CLOWN (2007) and ROOM 33 (2009).

★★

Sweet Movie (1974)

Directed by:
Dusan Makavejev

Only in the 1970s would something as outrageous, bizarre, challenging and shocking as this surreal sociopolitical satire (influenced by the theories of Austrian-American psychoanalyst Wilhelm Reich) fly in the mainstream. This movie (which debuted at Cannes to much controversy and usually scathing reviews) is perplexing, surprising, subversive and wildly fluctuates between being very sharp and funny to being very base, crude and revolting. So I'll just lay it all out there right here at the beginning; much of this film went right over my head. I picked up on some of the jabs taken at the media's obsession with sex, the hopelessness of just about every political movement (Communism and capitalism are both targets) and how - regardless of what life may throw at you and whatever shit (pardon the foreshadowing) you have to deal with - life still has its sweet moments, after all. This is just one of those movies you watch, have your own theories about while you're watching it and then immediately hop online to read what everyone else has made of it. The DVD from The Criterion Collection thankfully comes with an interview with the director where he clears some of this up for us.

At the televised Miss World 1984 contest, elderly Martha Applenow (Jane Mallett), chairwoman of the Chastity Belt Foundation, tells women how to control their vaginal muscles during "these sick times." The contest is looking for the purest, most desirable, prominent and well-preserved virgin in the world and the winner will be awarded a hand in marriage to Martha's multi-billionaire milk magnate son (played by John Vernon). Since Miss Canada's (Carole Laure) vagina is so squeaky clean it actually glows (and she's been "certified pure" by the in-house gynecologist), she takes home the crown. Miss Canada is then whisked away to a mansion, where on her wedding night, she freaks out after seeing her new husband's gold penis (and he pisses all over her with it). Demanding a divorce, Martha and her male companion (Robin Gammell) attempt to drown her, then instruct their muscular black servant Jeremiah (Roy Callender) to get rid of her. He manages to get a manual assist from the virgin before he karate chops her, sticks her in a suitcase and ships her off to Europe.

Meanwhile, communist female boat captain Anna Planeta (Anna Prucnal) is cruising around in a boat with an amazing giant head of Karl Marx on the front. A young sailor named Potemkin (Pierre Clementi) keeps following her on land and finally comes on board, pronouncing "I am your new lover!" The two get busy on deck in front of howling crowds on shore. The sailor proclaims that "The world is full of corpses" and then the film cuts to some disturbing black-and-white footage from the 1940s Katyn Forest Death Camp where soldiers exhume a mass grave containing the bodies of four-thousand Polish prisoners who were murdered and buried there. Later, Anna murders her lover in a vat or sugar and then invites a group of young boys on board, tempting them with an endless supply of candy, and performs a striptease for them (before killing them).

Upon arrival overseas, Miss Canada ends up meeting a Mexican film star (Sami Frey) in Paris, has sex with him in front of the Eiffel Tower and the two end up getting stuck together after being frightened by some nuns. They're taken to a restaurant and eventually separated. Then (in a near-catatonic state) she's carted off in a wheelbarrow full of lettuce to Otto Mühl's Friedrichshof artist's commune. There, a woman immediately breastfeeds her. At dinner, the commune members behave like pigs, throw food at each other, spit food in each other's faces (and into their mouths), puke and eat raw meat and a cow tongue. One guy fake castrates himself. Another guy drinks urine right from the tap. And it gets worse from there, during some regressive scatalogical therapy sequence. And here's a good time to redirect you to my reviews of MANOPSYCHOTISCHES BALLET (1970) and OH, SENSIBILITY (1970) if you'd like to learn more about Mühl and the Vienna Actionists movement.

Lead actress Laure (who'd go on to become a popular singer in Canada) quit the film before completion after being subjected to the commune's antics (plus having to suck on a breast and rub a flaccid penis on her face). Still, I have to say she was pretty courageous to hang in there for as long as she did and I seriously doubt any mainstream actresses of today would go as far as she does here. After Laure bailed, the subplot with Prucnal (also giving a daring performance) was added. Because of her participation in this movie, Prucnal was had her Visa revoked and was exiled from her home country Poland for seven years!

The film ends in an interesting erotic sequence mixing sex, death and food, as a nude Lauren sensually writhes around in a pool of melted chocolate.

Part of the true appeal of this film to a contemporary audience is knowing that a movie like this will never be made again; at least not at this scope and with these kind of production values. I certainly can't recommend it to everyone out there; especially those who like a cohesive narrative and/or have a weak stomach, but it's well-made, thought provoking, often very funny and filled with eye-popping images that you know you won't soon be forgetting once you've seen them.

★★★