Ratings Key

= Excellent. The best the genre has to offer.
1/2 = Very Good. Perhaps not "perfect," but undoubtedly a must-see.
★★★ = Good. Accomplishes what it sets out to do and does it well.
★★1/2 = Fair. Clearly flawed and nothing spectacular, but competently made. OK entertainment.
★★ = Mediocre. Either highly uneven or by-the-numbers and uninspired.
1/2 = Bad. Very little to recommend.
= Very Bad. An absolute chore to sit through.
NO STARS! = Abysmal. Unwatchable dreck that isn't even bad-movie amusing.
SBIG = So Bad It's Good. Technically awful movies with massive entertainment value.

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Erotic Witch Project, The (2000)

Directed by:
John Bacchus

In 1812, a sexually-charged woman named Helena Pottsworth decided to sleep with everyone (both male and female) in the small town of Bacchusville, New Jersey and was then brought into the woods by angry uptight townspeople and left to die alone. Rumor has it that her ghost still haunts the land all these years later and that people who venture into the woods where she vanished are overcome with feeling of... well, let's just say it's not fear. Now in 1999, three buxom college coeds - blonde Katie ("Katie Keane" aka Laurie Wallace aka the best-looking chick in this film by a wide margin), Darian (Darian Caine) and tramp-stamped Victoria (Victoria Vega) - decide to take their cameras and camping gear out into the woods to see if the legend is indeed true. They all make a vow of chastity beforehand; not a problem for Victoria, who's "not into sex and all that stuff." That soon changes once the girls set up their tent in the woods and are immediately overcome with uncontrollable lustful feelings that, of course, must be acted out on one another. What we see here is footage the three ladies shot prior to disappearing. They turn out to be such gifted camera-ladies they're able to shoot sex scenes from a variety of different angles even when all three are going at it and all hands are otherwise occupied. Talk about talented!

Yeah yeah yeah... I know no one's really going to care much about the plot or production values of this one. It does at least attempt to parody The Blair Witch Project throughout complete with entirely hand-held videography, mock interviews with toothless rednecks and poorly improvised dialogue. The most amusing bit is a raunchy twist on the famous "I'm so scared" scene. Instead of wooden idols and packages of teeth left around there's a blow-up doll, sex magazines and dildos. There's also an escaped gorilla on the loose for some reason. The entire purpose of this one is the ladies though, who are nude and engaging in near-X simulated sex nearly the entire time, so at least it delivers on that front. The best scene is a g-g-g in front of a campfire at the end, which has horrendously unflattering lighting but is pretty graphic for a non-hardcore film.

Seduction Cinema had a good run for about a decade starting in the late 90s when people were still buying this stuff on DVD and VHS, but have since pretty much closed up shop and stopped making new movies. In house star Misty Mundae (their biggest draw) leaving the company really didn't help matters but the final nail in the coffin occurred once more experienced directors like Fred Olen Ray and Jim Wynorski got in on the erotic spoof action and began monopolizing the late night cable market. Seduction Cinema just couldn't really compete and that was that.

Because this cost next to nothing to produce and sold well, it was followed by Erotic Witch Project 2: Book of Seduction (2000), Witchbabe: Erotic Witch Project 3 (2001), Lust in Space: The Erotic Witch Project IV (2005) and at least two feature length documentaries (!!), Inside the Erotic Witch (1999) and The Making of 'Erotic Witch Project 2' (2000). Following hot on the heels of what SC was doing was Wynorski's The Bare Wench Project (2000), which was itself followed by three sequels and an uncensored greatest hits package featuring footage from the entire series. Unfortunately, all of the above was pretty much just the tip of the iceberg as far as Blair Witch spoofs were concerned. There was also The Bald Witch Project, The Bare Tits Project, The Blair Bitch Project, The Blair Clown Project, The Blair Princess Project, The Blair Witch Rejects, The Oz Witch Project (all 1999), Da Hip Hop Witch, The Blonde Wench Project, The Bogus Witch Project (all 2000) and and and I just can't go on!


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