Ratings Key



★★★★
= Excellent. The best the genre has to offer.
★★★
1/2 = Very Good. Perhaps not "perfect," but undoubtedly a must-see.
★★★ = Good. Accomplishes what it sets out to do and does it well.
★★1/2 = Fair. Clearly flawed and nothing spectacular, but competently made. OK entertainment.
★★ = Mediocre. Either highly uneven or by-the-numbers and uninspired.
1/2 = Bad. Very little to recommend.
= Very Bad. An absolute chore to sit through.
NO STARS! = Abysmal. Unwatchable dreck that isn't even bad-movie amusing.
SBIG = So Bad It's Good. Technically awful movies with massive entertainment value.

Monday, December 17, 2012

Il nano erotico (1982)

... aka: Being Captured
... aka: Baby Sitter
... aka: Erotic Dwarf, The
... aka: Essere tenuto
... aka: Nano e la strega, Il (The Dwarf and the Witch)
... aka: Petites fesses juvéniles

Directed by:
"Baron Corvo" (Alberto Cavallone)

Naive 19-year-old Sabrina (Sabrina Mastrolorenzi) has been supporting herself taking up babysitting jobs here and there, but she hasn't been too particular - or careful - about who she works for. Claiming she's heard about her through a friend, the wealthy and mysterious Dominique (Dominique Saint Clair) hires her for an overnight job watching her young son Willy and shows up at her apartment in her white Mercedes to pick her up. Without telling anyone where she's going, Sabrina hops in and they're off. On the way to Dominique's isolated country home, which is a few miles outside of Rome, Sabrina fails to take notice of some red flags. For starters, Dominique makes sure Sabrina hasn't told anyone else where she's going. Then she makes an aside that her boy loves young, pretty girls. Once they arrive, Dominique shows Sabrina around her home and leaves before introducing her to her son (who's still sleeping). Sabrina quickly realizes she's been locked inside and that the phones doesn't work. Before she can get out of there, she's hit with a tranquilizer dart and passes out.






As it turns out, little Willy (Petit Loup, or "Little Wolf") isn't actually Dominique's son, but her perverted dwarf husband... and his wife is just as bad as he is! Dressed in a sailor suit, Willy strips Sabrina naked, puts her in a pair of undersized panties and then ties her up. He then forces her to watch him dance. The lights go out, techno music suddenly comes on and Willy strips down to a g-string and starts rubbing all up on Sabrina while she thrashes around and screams! Video cameras around the home tape all of the action and it's being sent over to a hotel where Dominique is fucking her chauffeur (Franco Coltorti) and using the footage to get off on. Willy rides on the girls back like a horse and slaps her ass with a riding crop. He then holds a gun to her and forces her to jerk him off.






At the hotel, the chauffeur keeps talking about how ugly the dwarf is, while Dominique keeps making comments about how stupid he is. Back at the house, the dwarf has a flashback to eating whipped cream and cherries off a hooker and then tells Sabrina he's going to kill her when he's done with her like he's done all the babysitters before her. How? By douching her with poison! Sabrina eventually kicks him in the balls and tries to escape. It probably goes without saying that watching a topless girl running around in a thong being chased around and wrestled on a water mattress (conveniently located on the front porch of the home) by a blowgun-armed dwarf in bikini briefs is a weird and pretty hilarious sight. Seeing the footage from the hotel, the chauffeur rushes over himself to try to make sure Sabrina doesn't escape. Luckily for her, her jealous boyfriend Johnny (Serwan A. Hoshvar), who's pissed she's always working and doesn't have time for him, is out and about trying to track her down. Will he show up in time to save her?






First off, I need to point out that this was originally a hardcore porn movie but I saw the edited version of it. This soft version runs just 66 minutes and has frequent abrupt cuts away from all of the sex scenes, some of which look like they're pretty sick (during one shot it appears the dwarf gets to rape his captive with a strap-on attached to his head). This soft version is also padded out with a framework device featuring Sabrina talking to her sister-in-law Karen, who's an attorney. Sabrina recounts the story and then the two spend the last 12 minutes of this film in a boring, redundant and seemingly ad-libbed conversation about whether or not she should go to the police. I seriously doubt these scenes are in the uncut version, but I could be mistaken. They're presented in a completely different aspect ratio and may have been specifically shot just so this could be released in two different forms. That said, even the cut version has plenty of full frontal nudity, sex and depravity to go around.






What I don't need to point out is that the only print with English subtitles I was able to find (which has been dubbed into Spanish and released under the title Essere tenuto: "Being Captured") is in terrible, terrible condition. Since the far-superior sleaze-fest THE SINISTER DWARF (1973) got a decent release, maybe one day this one will, too. There's a better Italian-language print available, which is uncut and runs 98 minutes, but it doesn't have subtitles. The DVD from Cinema de Bizarre contains both versions. Director Cavallone (credited as "Baron Corvo" here) also made the surreal Man, Woman and Beast (1977), Blue Movie (1978) and BLOW JOB (1980).

★★

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