Ratings Key



★★★★
= Excellent. The best the genre has to offer.
★★★
1/2 = Very Good. Perhaps not "perfect," but undoubtedly a must-see.
★★★ = Good. Accomplishes what it sets out to do and does it well.
★★1/2 = Fair. Clearly flawed and nothing spectacular, but competently made. OK entertainment.
★★ = Mediocre. Either highly uneven or by-the-numbers and uninspired.
1/2 = Bad. Very little to recommend.
= Very Bad. An absolute chore to sit through.
NO STARS! = Abysmal. Unwatchable dreck that isn't even bad-movie amusing.
SBIG = So Bad It's Good. Technically awful movies with massive entertainment value.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman (2000)

... aka: Jack Frost II

Directed by:
Michael Cooney

First he was "chillin' and killin'." Now he's "icin' and slicin'." And viewers will be "moanin'" and "groanin'" through this collection of pea-brained gags, cringe-inducing puns and the cartoon-gore exploits of Jack Frost, the serial psycho / mutant killer snowman. Sheriff Sam Tiler (Christopher Allport) is still haunted by the events of the first film a year later and no one outside of his immediate circle believes his story. Even his shrink (Ian Abercrombie) laughs as he recounts his tale. It's Christmastime and Sam and his wife Anne (Eileen Seeley) are going to spend their holidays away from the wintery chill of Snowmonton on a Caribbean island. Accompanying them on the trip are newly engaged couple Marla (Marsha Clark), the police dispatcher, and Joe (Chip Heller), the dimwitted deputy, both of whom had a hand in defeating the psycho snowman the first go around. Jack's remains have laid dormant in jugs of antifreeze in an unmarked grave for all that time, but a couple of yahoos in need of money have just dug him up and sold him to a science lab for study. A janitor knocks a mug of coffee into a fishtank full of the antifreeze, the tank explodes and Jack's remains seep into a drain. "Things to do, revenge to take."







Everyone arrives at the Tropicana Resort and we're briefly introduced to all our fodder. The Colonel (Ray Cooney) runs the joint, with help from his assistant Bobby (Tai Bennett), and is dead set on everyone having a great time. Even more invested in the fun factor is spastic, irritating activities director Captain Fun (Sean Patrick Murphy), who does childish voices that would make Dave Coulier shake him head in embarrassment, uses annoying phrases like "party pooper dooper" and has a bad habit of barging into rooms unannounced. A trio of teen bimbos; Rose (Jennifer Lyons), Ashlea (Shonda Farr) and Paisley (Granger Green), are there on their very first trip without the parents and flamboyant photographer Greg (Paul Hansen Kim) shows up to do a calendar shoot along with models Sarah (Melanie Good) and Cindy (Stephanie Shon Chao). Jack is also on his way there by sea, stopping along the way to kill a couple of shipwreck survivors (including future HELLBOY star Doug Jones) floating around on an inflatable raft and fighting over their last carrot, which Jack, of course, needs to complete his costume.







After acquiring his carrot, Jack shows up on the beach late that night and kills off the teen girls. He turns into a giant anvil and squashes one, knocks one over onto some icicles and gouges out another's eyeballs with a pair of tongs. When a couple stumbles upon the remains of one of the girls the next day, The Colonel talks them out of saying anything with the offer of free room service (?!) During the next sequence, one of the models uses Jack in ice cube form to get her nipples hard for her photo shoot. After he makes her head explode, he then kills the photographer while doing a lisping gay voice. Agent Manners (played by David Allen Brooks this time), who managed to survive getting his face chomped in the original, also happens to be living on the same island and shows up to help. Jack proceeds to freeze the entire resort, somehow makes it snow and begins slaughtering everyone else in sight.







A naked woman drowns in a pool when Jack freezes the surface, a man gets his tongue ripped out after getting it stuck to a pole ("Cowatongue-a dude!" [ugh!]), an arm is ripped off and others are killed with icicles and snowballs. The survivors loads up their Super Soakers with antifreeze and try to take out Jack but learn he's now immune to the stuff. They also discover that Jack can now give birth to a bunch of cute little toothy snowbabies that like to gouge out eyeballs and bite off fingers. They also enjoy riding around on turntables, dangling from lamps, sipping drinks through straws, doing conga lines and riding on skateboards in scenes that rip off GREMLINS (1984) and CRITTERS (1986).






How about a Jack Frost 3? ... Anyone? Anyone?

Like the original, this is purposely stupid and campy. Unlike the first, which had reasonable production values and some fun moments, this is a real chore to get through and only really becomes fast-paced and fun toward the end. There are loads of horrible one-liners and puns (much more than in the first), the characters are extremely irritating and instead of relying on traditional effects, this one utilizes some CGI with varying degrees of success. There's more gore here and a welcome gratuitious nude scene, but neither is enough to make up for the rest of it. Lead actor Allport, who spent a lot of his screen time in these two films dodging snowballs and such, ironically died in 2008 while out snow skiing. The cause of death? An avalanche.

1/2

No comments:

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...