Ratings Key

= Excellent. The best the genre has to offer.
1/2 = Very Good. Perhaps not "perfect," but undoubtedly a must-see.
★★★ = Good. Accomplishes what it sets out to do and does it well.
★★1/2 = Fair. Clearly flawed and nothing spectacular, but competently made. OK entertainment.
★★ = Mediocre. Either highly uneven or by-the-numbers and uninspired.
1/2 = Bad. Very little to recommend.
= Very Bad. An absolute chore to sit through.
NO STARS! = Abysmal. Unwatchable dreck that isn't even bad-movie amusing.
SBIG = So Bad It's Good. Technically awful movies with massive entertainment value.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Decoys (2003)

Directed by:
Matthew Hastings

At St. John's College, in a small snowy Canadian town, all the male students are foaming at the mouth over a slew of spanking new blonde, buxom and beautiful party-hearty hotties over at the Phil Beta Omega sorority house. Unfortunately for them, the ladies actually turn out to be scaly alien creatures in disguise who thrive on cold temperatures and male DNA, which they extract with blood-sucking tentacles that come out of their chests. As victims begin popping up ("frozen from the inside out"), a freshman student (Corey Sevier) discovers their secret and must convince a disbelieving pair of detectives (Richard Burgi and Nicole Eggert), his pretty tomboy friend (Meghan Ory) and his virginal roommate (Elias Toufexis) what's really going on. Their weakness is fire, which leads to a finale with our distraught hero raiding the sorority house and going on a flame-thrower rampage.

Decoys has a pretty entertaining and amusing first two-thirds, but it severely slips up near the end when it becomes a little more serious than its silly premise can believably accommodate. And there's an irritating non-ending to contend with as well, but the special effects are passable, there are a few genuine laughs and the cast does a pretty good job. Best of all is Kim Poirier, whom you may remember as the girl who got that nasty chainsaw death in the DAWN OF THE DEAD remake (2004). That film wasn't much of a showcase for the actress, but here she gets the chance to shine playing one of the seductive aliens. Just watching her go from an ice cream cone-licking seductress to a more emotional being when she warms up to one of the guys, you can see she has enough range and sex appeal to go far in Hollywood given the right breaks come her way. And though Sevier overdoes it a bit near the end, he probably has a bright future ahead of himself, as well.

Apparently, this was a theatrical release in Canada and a very limited big screen release in the U.S. before heading to video and TV.


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