Nightmare on Porn Street (1988)

Directed by:
Scotty Fox

1988 was a big year for Freddy Krueger. In August, A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master shattered several box office records for independent productions on its way to becoming the highest-grossing film in the franchise until 2003's Freddy vs. Jason. Two months later came the debut of "Freddy's Nightmares;" an anthology TV series hosted by you-know-who that sometimes also featured stories centered around the dream-slayer. He made guest appearances on the syndicated TV series "DC Follies," conquered MTV with his very own hour long special and an appearance in DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince's music video for "A Nightmare on My Street" and even got to rap in the Fat Boys song "Are You Ready for Freddy?" And, of course, let us not forget the videotaped porno parody Nightmare on Porn Street. Well actually, most have forgotten it. Either that or they'd never want to admit they actually watched it. And it doesn't really even feature Freddy due to a little thing called copyright infringement but that's really just a minor technicality. Nowadays porn parodies of horror films are not rare at all. Everything from Halloween to The Silence of the Lambs to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre to Psycho has been given an X spoof (sometimes multiple ones) hoping to rope in fans of both horror and hardcore. Back in 1988? Well, it wasn't all that common then. Sure, in the 1970s there were porn films featuring vampire or Satanism plots meant to poke fun at horror films, but things didn't get pointed in the direction of specific films until later on. Perhaps the big trend-setter in this department was Friday the 13th: A Nude Beginning (1987) starring Amber Lynn and some guy in a hockey mask. The following year we got this one as well as THE GHOSTESS WITH THE MOSTESS (1988), which borrowed the plot from Beetlejuice. And there are likely others I've never even heard of.

Blonde college student Melissa Tyson (Britt Morgan) wanders into a strange old house, opens up a file cabinet labeled "Victims," pulls out a photo of herself and it suddenly catches on fire. Eddie (Randy Spears), dressed in a trench coat and hat, enters and informs her she's in his house. "Every street I went down and everywhere I turned the house was just there.., and blocking my way... and... just begging for me to enter!," explains Melissa. "And now you want me to... enter... you." returns Eddie before a 10-minute long sex scene in front of a fireplace. For some reason that perhaps only the filmmakers could explain, there's a large framed photo of George Washington on the wall behind them. 

After they finish up, Melissa wakes up in bed. It was only a nightmare. She goes to class the next day to confess her dream to her friends Tracy Williams (Brandi Wine) and Bradley (Mike Horner), only to find out Tracy had the exact same dream about Eddie, who was a janitor at their old high school, died in a chemistry lab explosion and used to watch the three of them play doctor in the school's boiler room. Because of a boring lecture, Tracy falls asleep in class and awakens to find herself alone in the room with her professor, Mr. Wesson (Robert Bullock, speaking in an annoying nasal voice), who gives her a back massage and tries to psychoanalyze her. "Don't get so deep with me, Mr. Wesson... You know I don't understand that stuff!" "The deepest I plan to go with you Miss Williams is 8 inches." Cue scene #2.

In a nod to the original Elm Street film, Melissa has Bradley come over to her house to watch her sleep and make sure she isn't having a nightmare. They talk about something but I barely paid attention because I couldn't keep my eyes off the giant canister of Cheese Balls Brad was eating. He ends up falling asleep and awakens with Melissa's mom (Shanna McCullough) lying in her daughter's place dressed in lingerie. "My name's Beverly, but you call me... yours." She whips out her breasts ("How do you like them apples?") and sex scene #3 begins. Afterward, Beverly turns into Eddie and Bradley wakes up screaming and confused about who he really screwed. The next day at class, the three students discuss matters again. Melissa confesses to still being terrified to sleep because she disapproves of "... being a pawn in someone else's fantasy... even if I do get off pretty good." Tracy is scared because "He's so big I don't think I could take it again!" And perhaps Bradley has the most to worry about: "I woke up with KY jelly in the crack of my ass... I can't hold my shit any more." They organize a sleepover to watch each other sleep. Tracy is tricked into having sex with Eddie (who transforms into Melissa's mom for the obligatory lesbian scene) and then Melissa finally decides to take control of her own dream life during her final romp with Eddie in the classroom. The end.

So there you pretty much have it: five sex scenes and a few dumb laughs crammed into 75 minutes of poorly-shot 80s video. There are no real fx and they didn't bother with any makeup for Eddie, but at least all three actresses have nice all-natural bodies, everyone looks like they're having fun and the whole thing is lighthearted and good-humored. "I want more of the same!," you say? Well, you're in luck. There are loads of other Elm Street pornos on the market to cater to just about every taste out there, including...

Wet Dream on Elm Street (1990) (Cinderella Distributors)

Nightmare on Dyke Street (1992) (HIP Video)

A Nightmare on Twink Street (2010) (Saggerz Skaterz)

A Wet Dream on Elm Street (2011) (Tom Byron Pictures)

Director Fox (whose real name is Scott Cox, which begs the question: If you're going into this line of work and are given a porn-sounding name by birthright, why even bother to change it?) had his hand in several hundred other porn videos, including the vampire-themed Bite! (1990) and the Stephen King-inspired Tomi Knockers (1994). Spears, one of the better-looking male adult stars of his day, would pick up the occasional mainstream gig like starring in Chuck Vincent's thriller BAD BLOOD (1989) on his way to appearing in over a thousand hardcore films. McCullough (who was sometimes billed as "Marcia Grey") also turned up in a few R-rated horror films like The Dead Pit (1989) and Lukas' Child (1993). The film was released on the Moonlight Entertainment label.

★★1/2

Hitch-Hiker, The (1953)

Directed by:
Ida Lupino

"This is the true story of a man and a gun and a car. The gun belonged to the man. The car might have been yours - or that young couple across the aisle. What you will see in the next seventy minutes could have happened to you. For the facts are actual."

The inspiration behind The Hitch-Hiker (not to mention the Doors song "Riders on the Storm") was real-life criminal and spree killer William Edward Cook. Posing as a hitchhiker, Cook - who spent much of his youth in foster care and reformatories, spent a spell in prison, had "Hard Luck" tattooed across his fingers and was easily identifiable thanks to a deformed eyelid that never completely shut - robbed and sometimes killed whoever was kind enough to give him a lift. Immediately after Christmas in 1950, he robbed and murdered an entire farm family; mom, dad, three kids (the youngest being just 3 years old) and even their dog, and dumped the bodies in a mine shaft. Soon after, he put a bullet into the head of a traveling salesman who attempted to fight back. Two others; a mechanic Cook robbed and put in the trunk of his car who was able to crack open the trunk with a tire iron and run off, and a deputy, who was spared because Cook knew and liked his wife, managed to escape their encounter with the lives. Cook's undoing came after he kidnapped and commandeered a car being driven by a pair of hunters. After forcing them to drive him to Mexico, he was immediately identified and easily apprehended by a local police chief, and then extradited back to the U.S. to await trial. He was convicted and put to death in the San Quentin gas chamber in 1952, just a few weeks shy of his 24th birthday.

Quickly skimming over the grislier earlier portion of Cook's crime spree, Lupino's film opens with a series of shots: a man's image  - finger extended - casting a silhouette across the highway before disappearing into the cars, glimpses of body parts of the victims and warnings about a "Hitch-Hiker Slayer" splashed across newspaper headlines. We then meet two men; mechanic Roy Collins (Edmond O'Brien) and draftsman Gilbert Bowen (Frank Lovejoy), who are out driving at night on their way to a lake in Arizona for fishing. They pull over to the side of the road to help out Emmett Myers (William Talman), who claims to be out of gas and agree to give him a lift a filling station in the nearest town. Once in the car, Emmett quickly brandishes his gun and forces the two to escort him through the deserts of the Southwest US into Baja, where he plans on catching a ferry in Santa Rosalia to take him to the Mexican mainland. Along the way, Emmett proves to be a dangerous and unpredictable psycho who subjects them to psychological torment (like forcing one to shoot a can from his friend's hand) and tells them "You guys are going to die... it's just a question of when." Despite the stressful situation, Roy and Gil must try to remain cool and wait for the right moment to try to escape from their violent abductor.

Though often categorized as film noir, this doesn't really possess most of the trademark noir qualities one associates with that genre. What it really is is a psycho-drama. It's also an early example of a road thriller, an early example of a psycho hitchhiker terror film and one of the first films of this type to be directed by a female. Ms. Lupino also co-wrote with her former husband Collier Young for their independent company The Filmmakers (RKO picked it up for theatrical distribution). The idea of travelers or vacationers encountering horror amidst a dusty, desolate desert backdrop would later be repeated numerous times in films like Wes Craven's THE HILLS HAVE EYES (1977) and Robert Harmon's THE HITCHER (1986). Though perhaps somewhat lacking in the kind of substantial depth that would have tipped the scale from "good" over to "great," The Hitch-Hiker remains an efficiently-made low-budget 'B' film; tense, suspenseful, fast-paced and entertaining. The performances from the three principal actors are very good, with the creepy Talman scoring the most praise in the showiest role.

As far as the "facts are actual" claims are concerned, I'd say this incorporates enough details about Cook to qualify it as fairly faithful "true crime" movie. It includes flashes of his earlier robbery/murders, the kidnapping of two hunters being forced to drive the psycho to Mexico and even the paralyzed eyelid (which prevents our heroes from telling whether or not he's asleep). It even throws in nods to the real-life Cook's troubled life. Like many others who resort to crime, Cook had a tough row to hoe from early on. His mother passed away when he was five years old and he and his siblings were abandoned by his father soon after; left in a cave and forced to fend for themselves. After being discovered by authorities, all of the kids were immediately placed in foster care... all of them except for Billy, whose deformity made him a difficult child to find a home for. After a few unsuccessful placements in temporary homes and already falling into a life of crime before even hitting puberty, Cook was placed in reformatory and then transferred out to the Missouri State Penitentiary at age 17. While the film does not touch upon those exact details, the character of Emmett does make mention of being rejected by his parents and society (blaming his eye for both), as well having been a thief and criminal ever since his teen years.

Lots of 50s sci-fi luminaries worked on this one: Leith Stevens (THE WAR OF THE WORLDS [1953]) composed the score, it was associate produced by Christian Nyby (credited director of THE THING FROM ANOTHER WORLD [1951]) and an uncredited Daniel Mainwaring (INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS [1956]) wrote the original story. Having fallen into the public domain, it's a very easy title to find on DVD, and was considered important enough to be preserved forever by the National Film Registry in 1998.

★★★

Destination Moon (1950)

Directed by:
Irving Pichel

When producer George Pal announced his upcoming Technicolor extravaganza Destination Moon to the general public in 1948, little did he or anyone else realize what would follow. The extensive print and radio publicity campaign for Pal's half-a-million-budgeted film was in effect from before the film even actually began filming. The announcement and media coverage not only brought out a vulture or two - see: Robert L. Lippert's Rocketship X-M (1950) - but also awakened a huge interest in all things science fiction; something that would also dominate the horror genre for the rest of the decade (hence why the film also has a home here on The Bloody Pit of Horror). At the time this was made, space travel was nothing more than a farfetched fantasy. A hope, a dream, a possibility. 1950 was, after all, still seven long years away from Sputnik I and the official beginning of the Space Age, and nearly two whole decades away from man's first step on the moon. Pal hired screen veteran (and blacklisting victim) Irving Pichel, who, as a character actor had a memorable role in Dracula's Daughter (1936) and as a filmmaker had co-directed the classic The Most Dangerous Game (1932), to helm the project. He commissioned writers Rip (Alford) Van Rankel and James O'Hanlon to pen the script, but pioneering sci-fi writer Robert A. Heinlein perhaps had the most substantial role of all; also having a big hand in the finished script, allowing for use of ideas carried over from his novels "Rocket Ship Galileo" (1947) and "The Man Who Sold the Moon" (1949) and signing on as the film's technical adviser.

The plot is a very simple: a small group of men decide to build a rocket ship and go to the moon. And yes, that's pretty much it. They do not discover aliens or monsters or a lost civilization or man-eating plants or even love-starved cat women while they're there because, in 1950, just going to the moon was fantastic enough all by itself. Scientist / rocket designer Dr. Charles Cargraves (Warner Anderson) and veteran military man General Thayer (Tom Powers) are both involved in a government sanctioned project that backfires when the rocket explodes and becomes "the most expensive pile of junk in history." Four years pass and the plucky General wants to get the team together again and take another crack at it. The only problem is that the government now wants no part in backing another project. But that's OK: millionaire industrialists have a lot of money to throw around, right? Thayer decides to go the private financing route and enlists the aid of wealthy aircraft manufacturer Jim Barnes (John Archer) - who also had a hand in constructing the first rocket - to help secure the money.

To butter potential investors up, they show them an amusing cartoon starring "one of Hollywood's best-known actors;" Woody Woodpecker (yes, Woody Woodpecker), who gives them an easy-to-digest lesson in Space Shuttle 101. To seal the deal, they utilize the same tried-and-true tactic governments and religious institutions have used effectively for years in order to get their way: fear-mongering. As the General explains, if we don't get to the moon first, "they" will and then we may be in trouble. There's a lot of mention of "they" or "them" in the first half, which is thinly-disguised code for "the Russians." "They" may have sent undercover agents to the U.S. to sabotage the original rocket program and "they" may also want to beat us to the moon so "they" can set up missiles and aim them in our direction. It's enough of a scare to get all of the money-bags to fork over the dough out of sheer obligation to this great country of ours and humankind in general. Now with the project financed and back on track, another rocket called the "Luna' is constructed and multi-colored spacesuits and magnet boots are designed. The government shows up to try to shut them down so our heroes - somewhat ill-prepared - decide to hastily load up their supplies and blast off.

Accompanying the General, Dr. Cargraves and Jim on the trip is a fourth man, Joe Sweeney (Dick Wesson); a last minute replacement for the original radio operator after he's rushed to the hospital to have his appendix removed. Joe is there to represent us: the "common man" aka "the unscientific man." He's also a stereotypical Brooklynite who pronounces "Earth" like "Oith" and is used both to break up the tension with his annoying comic relief and work as an inquisitive plot device to ensure that things are explained to us. The four men manage to break through our atmosphere in their rocket and begin heading toward the moon. While out of the ship to check for potential damage caused by the takeoff, one floats off into space and must be rescued using an oxygen tank for propulsion and direction. After landing, they explore the moon's surface and finally come to the conclusion they've burnt up so much fuel that they'll never be able to get back unless they're able to lose a lot of excess weight. With time running out, the ship stripped down and still more weight left to go, will one of the men have to make the ultimate sacrifice to ensure the others can make a safe return trip home?

A critically and financially successful venture in its day, Destination Moon has been widely criticized here in recent years. As a firm believer that films should be evaluated in context to when they were made, I can't really get down with a lot of that. Sure, there's some bad science in here (just like any other older sci-fi film), but there's also a surprising amount of accurate science. In fact, I'd venture to say that this is about as grounded and scientifically accurate as it could possibly be for its day using a mixture of known scientific principles and educated speculation. Not only that, but it has proven to be downright prophetic in many regards to how later space missions would play out. 

Another point of frequent criticism is the ending, which has been criticized because we never get to see the ship or our heroes return to Earth. Seeing how the whole point of the film was for these men to overcome various obstacles and uncertainties to get to the moon, I can't say that an absence of postscript bothered me. There is indeed a lack of action in the film, leading some to describe it as "dull" or noting that "nothing happens" but there's enough dramatic tension to compensate. There's also something quite nice about experiencing the fantasies, wonders and aspirations of another era with characters who possess a quiet determination, optimism and nobility on a solemn and mysterious landscape. I found the "dated" aspects only enhanced my enjoyment of this as a document of man's hopes and dreams before those hopes and dreams actually came to fruition.

Destination Moon ended up snagging two Oscar nominations; one for its Lee Zavitz-supervised Special Effects (which it won) and another for Ernst Fegté and George Sawley's color art direction / set decoration (which it did not win). Notable painter, astronomical artist and science fiction book and magazine illustrator Chesley Bonestell provided wonderful matte artwork used for the moon landscape and cracked surface, Leith Stevens composed the thunderous score (and would also score other later 50s sci-fi films like WHEN WORLDS COLLIDE [1951], also for Pal, and THE WAR OF THE WORLDS [1953]) and there's even brief use of stop motion animation. To further promote the film, Heinlein contributed a story treatment of the script - also titled "Destination Moon" - to Short Stories Magazine in 1950. There was also a 10-page movie comic published by Fawcett (which went for a dime back then but now goes for several thousand dimes on ebay), a soundtrack album and special issues of Astounding Science Fiction, Popular Mechanics and Strange Adventures magazines devoted specifically to the film.

★★★