Chopping Mall (1986)

... aka: Killbots
... aka: R.O.B.O.T.
... aka: Robots
... aka: Robots asesinos (Killer Robots)
... aka: Roboty smierci (Death Robots)

Directed by:
Jim Wynorski

Sick of paying human security guards and want to do your part in contributing to unemployment? Well, Secure-Tronics Unlimited has you covered! Their new Protector One Series robots can do the job and they won't be glued to their iPhones or sneaking off to take a nap. Equipped with all manner of handy weapons, the short, squatty 'bots may look non-threatening but they're equipped with lasers, powerful pinchers and sleep darts that can neutralize intruders in under 30 seconds. To prevent them from ever harming innocents, they've been programmed to tell the difference between workers and intruders. Just show them your security badge and you'll be on your way. Not to mention, they're awfully polite ("Thank you. Have a nice day"). Despite some skepticism, the six story Park Plaza Mall is about to employ these guys to do the late night rounds. Secure-Tronics head of development Dr. Stan Simon (Paul Coufos) has even given a reassuring endorsement: "Trust me, absolutely nothing can go wrong!" And if we've learned nothing in the past few years, it's that if someone starts out a sentence with "Trust me..." we all should, right?. In addition to the bots, Secure-Tronics has also installed time locked steel security doors that are locked from midnight until dawn. It's virtually impossible to break into the place... or to get out. What could possibly go wrong?

Some early twenty-somethings, who behave exactly like your average immature sex-obsessed horror movie teens, plot to stay overnight in the mall to drink beer and have sex in, uh, the same room (!) Apprehensive new girl Alison Parks (Kelli Maroney), who works at a mall restaurant, is invited by coworker Suzie (Barbara Crampton) to go on a blind date with nerdy worrywart Ferdy (Tony O'Dell), who helps run his uncle's furniture store. The group is rounded out by obnoxious gum chomper Mike (John Terlesky), his spoiled, big-breasted girlfriend Leslie (Suzee Slater), Suzie's boyfriend Greg (Nick Segal) and couple Rick (Russell Todd) and Linda (Karrie Emerson), who've just gotten married and opened their own auto repair business. Late at night, lightning strikes the building, messes with the master computer and turns all three of the malfunctioning robots into killing machines who can't tell the difference between employee and criminal.

After laying waste to a few technicians and a janitor, they go after the younger cast, who both try to survive the night and find a way to escape. There's a gun shop in the building, which leads to lots of gun vs. laser fights, plus a decent amount of explosions and death by claw, strangulation, electrocution, getting set on fire, being thrown over a balcony and more. The best kill, and the only moment of actual gore, is a pretty good exploding head.

As per the director's usual, the in-jokes and nods to other B movies are virtually nonstop. There's a plug for the Wynorski-edited book They Came from Outer Space, cameos from lots of Corman movie alum, posters for other Corman productions (and Wynorski's first film, THE LOST EMPIRE) on the wall of a restaurant, clips from Attack of the Crab Monsters on a TV set, a store called "Roger's Little Shop of Pets" and characters carried over from other Corman productions and popular cult films, including Dick Miller playing an ill-fated janitor named Walter Paisley and Mary Woronov and Paul Bartel in their Eating Raoul personas. There are also cameos from "Lawrence Guy" / Angus Scrimm (who can barely even be seen and has just one line of dialogue), Gerrit Graham (as one of the murdered techs) and Mel Welles (as a slovenly cook).

Though this starts out fun and is technically well-made, it eventually gets bogged down in the formulaic second half after the better known actors have put in their cameos, this suddenly starts taking itself completely seriously and the remaining characters have little else to do other than bicker, scream, do dumb things to get themselves killed and run around in circles firing guns. Even Crampton, the most talented of the younger stars, doesn't help matters because her panicky character becomes so annoying you'll be cheering when she's finally torched. I'd imagine this would have been a lot more fun and memorable had Miller, Woronov, Bartel, Graham, etc. been featured more prominently than the dull, generic "teens" we spend most of the time with. There's also the nagging feeling they could have been more imaginative with the killing methods. You can only see so many people getting shot with a laser or strangled with a flimsy robotic hand before yawn-inducing repetition sets in.

Though I'm not entirely sure why, this is the most popular of all of Wynorski's 100+ films. It could be that it's been embraced as a nice alternative to the usual slasher flick by fans. Or that it has that snappy and fun-to-say title, which was actually chosen after the original release title Killbots failed to attract many movie goers. Or that it has a fantastic poster and tagline ("Where shopping costs you an arm and a leg!"). Or even that other people simply find it more fun than I do. While I didn't completely dislike this, I found the dialogue less witty than usual for a Wynorski flick and that it lacked the cheerfully cheesy personality of some of the director's better efforts.

Arthur Roberts, Ace Mask and Lenny Juliano, all three of whom appeared in Jim's remake of Not of This Earth (1988), have small roles, as do Angela Aames and Toni Naples. Producer Julie Corman, David Del Valle and Rodney Eastman can briefly be seen as shoppers. The budget was 800,000 dollars (which isn't all that low for an 80s B movie) and filmed at the Sherman Oaks Galleria, which was also used for PHANTOM OF THE MALL (1989) and (more famously) Fast Times and Ridgemont High (1982), Commando (1985) and Terminator 2 (1991).

★★

Phantom of the Mall: Eric's Revenge (1989)

...aka: Eric's Revenge
...aka: Kasvoton tappaja (Faceless Killer)
...aka: Phantom des Todes (Phantom of Death)
...aka: Phantom Nightmare

Directed by:
Richard Friedman

Good-looking, popular teen Eric Matthews (Derek Rydall) has a bright future ahead with dreams of becoming an Olympic gymnast and sweet, pretty girlfriend Melody Austin (Kari Whitman) by his side. Coinciding with Eric and his parents' refusal to leave so developers can tear down their home and build a modern shopping center in its place, there's a mysterious fire and both Eric and his parents are killed. Melody was there when it happened and spotted a strange man wearing some kind of metal religious symbol as an earring lurking about. She's positive the man had something to do with setting the fire. Unfortunately for her, her memories are hazy from hitting her head and no one believes her anyway, so the company planning on putting up the mall now conveniently get the now-vacant plot of land they desperately wanted. A year later, construction on the mall is finally complete, with sleazebag owner Harv Posner (Jonathan Goldsmith), glamour puss town mayor Karen Walton (Morgan Fairchild, who really means business with her massive shoulder pads) and other prominent members of the community showing up for the big ribbon cutting ceremony. All the while, someone is lurking around in the mall's air vents... watching... and waiting to strike.

That “someone” is, of course, Eric, who didn't actually die in the fire but was instead badly burnt and now wants revenge on the greedy developer who, of course, is the one responsible for ordering the burning of his home and thus ruining his life in the process. When he's not pumping iron or practicing his martial arts moves, Eric's having fun terrorizing Harv in a variety of ways, like using a rope and the escalator to strangle his obnoxious, spoiled son (played by John Travolta's nephew, Tom Fridley) and sending the perverted security guard (John Walter Davis) he's just electrocuted through a vent directly onto Harv's desk with a note attached that says “An eye for an eye.” Not to cause a stir or hurt business, Harv decides to hide the security guard's body and then calls up Christopher Volker (Gregory Scott Cummins), the same punk who pulled off the arson routine, to pose as a security guard and snuff out any trouble he happens to stumble upon.

To Eric's good fortune, Melody gets a waitress job at the mall so he can keep a close eye on her using stolen video surveillance equipment. He leaves orchids (her favorite flower) in her locker, steals a dress she liked but couldn't afford and leaves it in her car, plays “their” song on a jukebox, shoots a masked would-be rapist who attacks her in the parking lot with a crossbow and basically kills anyone who tries to do her harm. Eric does what he can to let Melody know he's still around, not only to protect her but also to put a stop to a budding romance she's developing with handsome journalist / photographer Peter Baldwin (Rob Estes). Because of all of the strange occurrences going on, Peter and Melody team up to get to the bottom of things. Meanwhile, Eric keeps busy decapitating and impaling victims. He also uses a flamethrower to set someone on fire and uses a cobra to take care of someone else. For his big encore, he forgoes the chandelier in favor of a bomb.

Nothing all that surprising goes down in this umpteenth spin on The Phantom of the Opera that adds a slash-happy dash of late 80s mall culture to the mix. However, this is still fun and enjoyable all the same. A big part of the film's success lies with its (mostly) appealing and likable cast. A big exception is a before-he-was-famous Pauly Shore as weird-o friend “Buzz,” who wears a “Weasels” t-shirt, claims to possess “supersonic hearing,” sneaks rubber ears and eyeballs into the frozen yogurt he sells, keeps pestering Melody's disinterested best friend Suzie (former fashion model Kimber Simmons) for a date and is already starting to perfect his annoying slow-speak slacker shtick even at this early stage in his career. One clever bit of casting is Ken Foree, from the ultimate mall horror movie DAWN OF THE DEAD, as the main security guard. Like in Dawn, this even throws in a bit of anti-consumerism / materialism humor, like when a couple of the guys discover that the owner has hidden subliminal messages (“I like to spend money!” “Shopping makes me feel good!” “Spending money makes me feel good!”) into the Muzak being pumped throughout the mall.

Using the alias “Kari Kennell,” leading lady Whitman (who is not only nice to look at but also not a bad little actress) had appeared nude in Playboy magazine as a 1988 Playmate of the Month and then appeared nude in subsequent Playboy videos, which makes the fact she used a body double for her sex scenes here pretty amusing. Some other nudity is provided by several female extras (including Brinke Stevens) in a locker room scene. For all you beefcake fans you get an ass shot from, uh, probably the last guy in the cast whose ass you actually want to see. I will say it is not provided by Rydall, who went on to star in Night Visitor (1989) and Popcorn (1991) before starting a lucrative career as a screenplay consultant and script doctor, or Estes, who went on to a busy TV career (Melrose Place, Silk Stalkings) the following decade, and leave it at that, buuuuu-ddy.

The executive producer was Charles W. Fries, who gave this a very limited theatrical release through his company Fries Entertainment and then a VHS release through his Fries Home Video. There has not been an official DVD release to my knowledge. Beware a heavily-cut 84 minute version floating around that eliminates all of the nudity and nearly all of the gore (including an entire death scene). Director Friedman also made Death Mask (1984), Doom Asylum (1987), Scared Stiff (1987) and Dark Wolf (2003), which means this is clearly his best genre film to date.

★★1/2