Escalofrío (1978)

... aka: Chills

... aka: Don't Panic

... aka: Nuit Infernale (Hellish Night)

... aka: Satan's Blood

... aka: Schock

Directed by:

Carlos Puerto

Juan Piquer Simón (prologue)

Have you ever bumped into someone you didn't know who knew you? They may come up to you and say, "Hey Bob!" and you're like "Hey, uh, um..." trying to put a name to the face and conceal your confused, askance facial expression. That actually happened to me several years ago at a gas station when I back in my home town visiting my parents. A guy walked up to me when I was in line and was like "Justin?" and I was like "Yeah" and then he shook my hand. Forcing a smile, I was like "Hey, what's up?" which led to several minutes of me fielding all kinds of questions about what I was doing, where I was living, etc. The best I could do was try to hide the fact I didn't remember this guy and dance around his questions like I was at some job interview. But the thing is, I never let this guy on to the fact I didn't know who he was. I STILL don't know who this guy was. I even ended the conversation never learning his name or where he knew me from. I probably was thinking the man would feel either dejected or insulted if I said "Who are you again?"

That's basically how memories work. You may have made a bigger imprint on someone else's than vice versa due to any number of circumstances, plus some people just have better memories than others. Maybe mine sucks and is just limited to humiliating moments that happened 15 years ago that randomly pop in my head right when I'm trying to go to sleep at night. Like when I was in high school and my English teacher misplaced my paper yet still forced me to get up in front of the class with some notes and "do your best." I then proceeded to give a completely jumbled and incomprehensible red-faced speech as my peers looked on at me like I was insane. And then there was a moment in college when I arrived to class a few minutes late, tripped and fell in front of around 200 people in an otherwise completely silent auditorium. See, while I very vividly remember these things, chances are no one who witnessed them do. At least that's what I like to tell myself.

The opening scenes of this one cleverly play upon all of that. Would you flat out tell someone who claims to know you, and even provides evidence that he does, that you don't recall them, or would you just kind of go along with the story the other person is selling? That's the situation José María Guillén's character Andy finds himself in when he's out on a leisurely weekend drive with his four-months-pregnant wife, Annie (played by Mariana Karr), and their German Shepherd, Blaky. While stopped at a traffic light, a car pulls up next to them and the occupants keep staring. At the next light, the same car pulls up and the same couple stare at them until the guy finally says, "Andy?" They then motion for them to pull over so they can talk.

The mystery man - Bruno (Ángel Aranda) - claims to be a former college classmate. Andy is skeptical, especially when the story the man gives has a few holes in it. For starters, he looks much older. Second, though he knows what college Andy attended and some of the teachers, he claims the school dean was actually their professor. Still, Bruno knows enough about Andy that he's able to persuade him to accompany him and his wife, Mary (Sandra Alberti), back to their home so he can prove he is who he claims to be. Andy reluctantly agrees, something he quickly starts to regret whenever Bruno pulls off the main road and continues to drive through the country for an entire hour! While Andy did have the balls to question Bruno right away (unlike what I did in my situation), I sure as hell wouldn't have followed the guy an hour away to play catch up! The only one who's as apprehensive as they should be about the situation is the dog, who senses the couple is evil and won't stop barking.

Bruno and Mary take them to a gated old mansion that they claim they only use on weekends. There's also a nameless, mute groundskeeper / guard (Luis Barboo) living there who's just as sinister as the couple. The home is filled with ornate antique furniture and other peculiarities, like a skull, books on the occult and Satanism and an old creepy doll. Andy and Annie are given a "special vintage" of wine to drink and Bruno finally produces that school photograph of he and Andy together, but Andy finds that their names and home address are written on the back of it.

Things don't get any less strange from there as Mary coerces the guests ("Do you believe in the existence of situations that can take us beyond our reality?") into a OUIJA session using a glass goblet. The spirit they call forth then proceeds to pick at one of Andy and Annie's relationship scabs: She once had an affair with his brother. It then claims that Annie is still in love with him; something she denies. Though more than ready to leave at this point, a frazzled and intoxicated Annie passes out. That, combined with a thunderstorm and it already being late, means they'll be spending the night.

Before the night is over, their dog is killed, Annie almost gets raped in the kitchen by a vagrant (who is stabbed to death and dismembered soon after) and the young couple are mesmerized and take part in a Satanic orgy complete with fire, smoke, oil rubdowns and sex in different combinations on the floor on top of a black pentagram. (It's very well photographed and lit and quite an erotic scene actually). The following day, things don't improve as the evil couple do everything in their power to prevent Andy and Annie from leaving the home. Just what do they want exactly?

So, you want to know how Spanish filmmakers celebrated their newfound, post-Franco cinematic freedom? Look no further! This one (given the Spanish 'S' for sex rating upon release) has loads of full frontal male and female nudity, sex, group sex, rape, lesbianism, lesbian rape nightmares, implied homosexuality, cannibalism, dog eating, suicide, blood, gore, a couple of zombies, loads of Satanic iconography, a painting of Jesus going up in flames and more. And it's all good, unclean fun most of the time. Not that this is perfect. After setting up a decent premise and maintaining our intrigue for a good hour plus, the director ends with a hectic barrage of various nonsense that reveals some vague conspiracy then circles us back to the beginning. It will probably leave you scratching your head. Still, this is entertaining, well-made and more skillfully shot, scored and directed than the vast majority of other Satanic sex films from this time.

Puerto only directed one other genre film: the extremely difficult to find La capilla ardiente (1981, "The Burning Chapel"), which was never released in America. The big name attached to this one is Juan Piquer Simón (of POD PEOPLE, Pieces and SLUGS infamy), who was the executive producer, art director and later added two new prologues to the film, including an intro by "Professor Vasallo" (played by Fernando Jiménez del Oso, a real-life parapsychologist, TV host and author) informing us that Satanism is very much real and vouching for the authenticity of the film we're about to watch, and a brief scene where a young woman is placed on a sacrificial altar and is stripped naked, fondled and then stabbed by an old priest (Manuel Pereiro).

Though best known now as Satan's Blood, this was first given a U.S. VHS release from All American Video under the new title Don't Panic. In the UK, the release of Don't Panic from Colourbox re-used the same poster art as the U.S. release but was actually the 1987 Mexican supernatural slasher film of the same name. To make matters even more confusing, Mogul (parent company of All American, I believe) released a 1984 U.S. slasher film called Satan's Blade (1984) reusing the same exact box art they used for Satan's Blood!

There have been a number of restored DVD releases in recent years, from Mondo Macabro, Scorpion Releasing, Redemption Films (out of the UK) and Media Target Distribution (out of Germany). In 2020, Vinegar Syndrome released a 4K restored Blu-ray, which comes with a 45-minute making of doc called Satan's Blood: Recuerdos de Escalofrío featuring interviews with the director, editor Pedro del Rey and actress Alberti, the only one of the four stars still living.

★★★

Los nuevos extraterrestres (1983)

... aka: El retorno del extraterrestre (Return of the Alien)

... aka: E.T.: The Second Coming

... aka: ETV

... aka: Extra Terrestrial Visitors

... aka: Pod People

... aka: Unearthling, The

... aka: V. F. Extra Terrestrial Visitors

... aka: Vierailijoita oudosta maailmasta (Visitors from a Strange World)

... aka: Visitor

... aka: Visitors - I nuovi extraterrestri (Visitors: The New Extraterrestrials)

Directed by:

J. (Juan) Piquer Simón

A large meteor crashes in the foggy mountains and creates a glowing mound / cave. Three poachers led by Burt (Frank Braña) are illegally hunting there and one of the men goes to the cave, finds a bunch of alien eggs scattered about and starts smashing them with a stick. A large, unseen creature with hairy arms then kills him. We then meet a few other characters, starting with little Tommy Stevens (Óscar Martín), an amateur scientist who loves his cat, collects bugs and speaks in animal genus. An orphan (I think?), Tommy lives with his (I think?) Aunt Molly ("Connie Cheston" / Concha Cuetos), one of those "Don't be late for dinner!" types, and his grumpy Uncle Bill (Manuel Pereiro), who really seems to take issue with the fact this 8-year-old is clearly more intelligent than he is. Having spotted the meteor crash through his telescope the night before, Tommy goes into the woods, finds the glowing cave and, despite seeing a corpse just lying there, steals an egg. He then returns home with it and doesn't tell anyone about anything he just saw.

Meanwhile, at a recording studio, arrogant and temperamental pop singer Rick (Ian Sera), a trio of female background singers and his producers (one wearing an "I'm a Virgin" [!] t-shirt) are working on a new track called "Hear the Engines Roar Now." One could say Rick is unsatisfied with the end product ("It stinks!") and he ends up blaming everyone but himself for it, shrieking at the other singers and chastising the staff. I don't know if Sera had it in his contract that he could only play extremely unlikable characters, but he's about as charming here as was playing "campus stud" Kendall in Simon's sleazy slasher Pieces... but at least there we got the satisfaction of watching him get his dick ripped off at the end! Here, not so much.

Rick, studio engineer Brian (Emilio Linder) and all three of the background singers - including Rick's doormat of a girlfriend Sharon (Nina Ferrer), Brian's girlfriend Kathy (Sarah Palmer) and low self-esteem third wheel Tracy (Maria Albert), decide to go on a weekend camping trip to Cinder National Forest. Yes, that's the same stretch of mountains where the meteor fell. Rick has also invited Laura ("Susan Blake" / Susana Bequer), a young airhead who clearly has the hots for him, along on the trip and provides the excuse that she "likes the way I perform." A (quite understandably!) infuriated Sharon has an issue with her even being there and attempts to storm off, but Brian puts her at ease. "Making out with chicks is part of his act as an artist!," he tells her, "One today, a different one tomorrow!" For some reason that's enough to get Sharon to rejoin the group. Yikes.

Upon arriving at their campsite, Laura storms off after getting water thrown in her face, runs into the woods and is grabbed by Burt and his sidekick Matt ("William" / Guillermo Antón). She breaks free and tries to flee, but falls into a deep ravine. Rick and the others find her there unconscious but, seeing how the nearest hospital is 50 miles away, they instead decide to look for a nearby ranger station or home with a telephone. They end up at the Stevens' place. However, a rock slide has blocked off an important road and knocked the phone lines out. So, nope, no phone and nowhere to go. Or, as one of the ladies so eloquently puts it, "What a fuck-up this back to nature crap is!"

Tommy has been keeping the alien egg nice and warm under his blanket, so it finally cracks open to reveal a little baby alien. He feeds it milk, white bread, cereal and Planters peanuts and it continues to rapidly grow. In a day it's his size. He dubs it Trumpy. I guess because it has a trumpet-like nose. I once promised a friend's 6-year-old daughter that she could name a cat I was getting. She'd just returned from the grocery store with her mom at the same time I brought the cat home and when I asked what his name was going to be, she immediately blurted out "Coupon!" And I kind of just shrugged and said, "Sure. Why not?" So if I can have a cat named Coupon, I suppose little Tommy is entitled to have a big-eared, glowing-eyed, cone-headed, anteater-snouted, gorilla-suited alien named Trumpy.

Trumpy aces a puzzle and a Simon game, walks on the ceiling and uses his telekinetic abilities to turn the lights on and off, make clothes fly out of the closet and levitate furniture. It also transforms Tommy's telescope into a more powerful instrument he can use to see all the way to Africa (?!) While Tommy's bond with the creature grows, a second alien of the same species goes around killing off the rangers, the poachers and anyone else it happens to stumble onto, finally making its way to the cabin where the main characters are hanging out. Victims are found with some kind of glowing astrological pattern on their foreheads, which is never really explained.

Even though this particular director isn't known for the high quality of his work, he at least made a few entertaining films. However, producer interference seems to be chiefly responsible for giving this one a severe identity crisis. Originally conceived as an alien-in-the-woods horror movie, plans were altered after the massive success of E.T. (1982). Simón was then steered into including the plot involving the little boy and his friendship with the more docile child alien. While other Simón films like Pieces and SLUGS were able to chug along on their sleaziness and over-the-top gore scenes, the horror content here is dull and extremely sanitized to the point where I don't recall seeing so much as a single drop of blood! On the flip-side, this includes too much profanity to be a kid's movie. What we basically end up with is the original horror concept being compromised at every turn by the inclusion of the more family-friendly stuff, which leaves both potential audiences unsatisfied.

There are only a few other notable things about this one, starting with the hilariously overworked fog machine, which is pumping out fumes during every single scene that takes place outside. And there's some pretty good music in here, too, including some dark synth (some of which was stolen from a 1974 album by French artist Georges Rodi) and one catchy-cheesy song on the soundtrack that appears to be titled "Sara" that I could find no other information about. This was also simultaneously filmed in both French and Spanish, with the actors doing separate takes reading their lines in both languages, though the executive producers were Americans Dick Randall and Edward L. Montoro.

Here in the U. S., this was given a belated release from Film Ventures International in 1990, who changed the title to Pod People and added new opening credits swiping footage from Don Dohler's THE GALAXY INVADER (1985). This version became one of the most popular films featured on Mystery Science Theater 3000, and would be cross-referenced in numerous later episodes of the show. In fact, the MST3K version, distributed by Rhino on VHS and Shout! Factory on DVD, is easier to find on home video than the unaltered version of the film.

★1/2