Rimba Panas (1988)

...aka: Jungle Heat

Directed by:
Ratno Timoer

Not to be confused with at least three other films with the same name from the 80s; the 1983 one involving a tribe of reptile-men and originally filmed as DANCE OF THE DWARFS, the 1985 Hong Kong production about POW prison camp atrocities or the barely-seen 1988 Cynthia Rothrock vehicle. This one's a Filipino/Indonesian co-production that falls into both the cannibal-shocker horror and lighter jungle adventure subgenres. As of this writing, it's not listed on IMDb and has never been released in America, though an English-dubbed copy surfaced on video in Greece which seems to be the source print for the bootlegs out there for sale. Despite being sourced from VHS, the print quality isn't too bad and the film (regardless of some horrendous and highly annoying dubbed dialogue) is fairly well made, kind of fun and surprisingly gory at times.

A couple of guys in the jungle fight over some precious stones and end up shooting and killing each other. Back at their base camp, a native tribe attacks and kill everyone there with spears and arrows and take a baby girl named Jessica back to their village. Many years later, a tough cookie named Lola (Alba Fuad) gets her hands on a diary and map detailing where a valuable treasure is hidden. While she gets together a team of people for a jungle expedition to be headed by Peter (Peter O'Brian) and his buddy John (Johan Saimima), some thugs overhear her talking about it, kidnap her and take her deep into the jungle. Once there, Lola manages to escape, while a cannibal tribe get their hands on her abductors. One guy is cut up and fed to a tiger. Another is decapitated and eaten raw. The ringleader - Nick (Didier Hamel) - manages to save himself by demonstrating a gun to them.

Meanwhile, Lola lucks out that Peter and John have both come to the area looking for her. The two men locate her and they resume their treasure hunting as planned, but wreck their canoe over some rapids and end up in the hands of a tribe. Lucky for them they don't end up with the cannibal tribe, but instead with a mostly peaceful tribe that includes a now-grown, blonde and statuesque Jessica (Debbie Young), who spends much of her time running through misty fields in a thong and taking slow-motion swims while pan flute music plays. Peter takes an instant liking to Jessica (now named "Mazizi"), but a tribal warrior (who already has four other wives) also wants her, so the guys must fight mano y mano for the honor of the jungle babe. Eventually, a bunch of jewels are located in a cave and brutish Nick shows up with the rival cannibal tribe to fight for them.

Similar in some ways to Jess Franco's dreadful WHITE CANNIBAL QUEEN (1980), but a bit more fun and enjoyable than that one. (How could it not be?) The presentation of the natives and their village are more convincing (no pudgy caucasians in sight!), the locations are better and there's bloody, brainless action going on much of the time to distract you from how stupid the whole thing is. I knew nothing about New Zealand-born lead actor O'Brian going into this one but apparently he has a small cult following for playing "Rambu" in the 1986 Indonesian action flick THE INTRUDER. The man playing Albert (Jessica's father) in the opening sequence is none other than Charles Kaufman, the brother of Troma founder Lloyd Kaufman and director of the semi-famous bad taste shocker MOTHER'S DAY (1980). He was over in Indonesia making JAKARTA (1988) when he took this small supporting role. Advent Bangun (a star of THE DEVIL'S SWORD, from the same director) and Piet Burnama (JUNGLE VIRGIN FORCE) co-star. PETA warning: Some real animals (namely boars) are actually killed in the film.

★★

Caligola: La storia mai raccontata (1981)

...aka: Caligula: The Untold Story
...aka: Caligula II
...aka: Caligula 2: The Untold Story

...aka: Emperor Caligula
...aka: Emperor Caligula: The Untold Story
...aka: Garden of Taboo, The

Directed by:
Joe D'Amato

The violent, sexually graphic and big budgeted historical epic CALIGULA (which was produced by Bob Guccione of Penthouse Magazine fame) was neither a critical success nor a box office hit upon release, but it made so many international headlines throughout production that the low-budget, mostly European copies began right away. Many of these actually managed to beat their controversial cousin (which began filming in 1976, but didn't get released until three years later) to theater screens. This one, from well-known Italian sleaze director D'Amato (using the alias "David Hills" here) isn't one of the earlier ones but is likely the closest actual copy out there. Like the Guccione film, it's tasteless, overlong, gory, loaded with sex (some soft, some hard) and sexual perversity and was released in many altered versions for different international markets, including an R-rated cut missing over 20 minutes that was first unleashed to video here in America. Unlike the Guccione film, it's low-budget; completely lacking the grandiose sets, elaborate costumes and a "respectable" star-studded cast, yet it still manages that cheaply efficient shock the director is best known for.

David Brandon (as "David Cain") has the title role, as the insane, sadistic and sanctimonious Roman emperor who spends his time cooking up ways to humiliate and mutilate innocent people. After foiling would-be assassin Domitius (Michele Soavi), having him crippled and his tongue cut out, he and his lover Messala ("Oliver Finch"/ Luciano Bartoli) rape and kill virginal Livia (Fabiola Toledo). Though they blame the murder on others, Livia's confidant Miriam (Laura Gemser) knows what really happened and vows revenge. She has her opportunity when Caligula puts together a brothel full of beautiful women (mostly religious women dragged in against their will) to service wealthy senators he wants to help finance a pet project. Miriam, no stranger to sapphic love but still technically a virgin, deflowers herself with a dildo before God to prepare herself for the things she'll have to do in order to get closer to the emperor. But right as she's in a good position to strike out, she ends up falling for him.

What you'll see here, technically speaking, is generally unimpressive. The director also shot the film; opting for darkly lit interiors and soft-focus exteriors. Carlo Maria Cordio does provide an eerie score and there are appropriate costumes, but ancient Rome isn't meticulously brought to life via architecture and art direction. In fact, much of the action is filmed outdoors (in the woods, a beach, a cave...) to deliberately avoid all that. Though there's plenty of full nudity and soft-core sex, the hardcore is relegated to just two scenes; where the ladies have to practice their craft on a Greek soldier and during the brothel scene that follows, all of which use extras (likely Euro porn stars). Said brothel scene goes one step further than CALIGULA ever did, though, by having a graphic scene featuring a lady and a horse. We also get Caligula killing a newborn infant by flinging it against a wall and a memorably disgusting bit where men are killed by having metal poles shoved up their asses.

The cast includes Charles Borromel (MONSTER HUNTER), Gabriele Tinti (Gemser's husband) and Mark Shannon (EROTIC NIGHTS OF THE LIVING DEAD). The director, who also co-scripted with "Larry Franks" (George Eastman), was a big presence in 70s and 80s Euro exploitation world until he switched his attention to hardcore in the 90s. In that arena, he revisited the Roman themes again with CALIGULA: THE DEVIANT EMPEROR (1997) and other titles. The full uncut version of the film runs 125 minutes, though the UK release is just 86 and the R-rated U.S. version is 92.

★★

Night Screams (1987)

Directed by:

Allen Plone

A late offering in the first American slasher cycle, this production from Wichita, Kansas is extremely dumb but decently-shot, packed with tacky 80s entertainment value and has that low-budget regional charm I just so happen to love (see OFFERINGS for more of the same). A pair of sadistic criminals kill two cops, shoot up a diner, escape into the woods and end up finding a large country home to hide out in. Meanwhile, musclebound football hero David (Joe Manno) has just won another game for his team and received word that he's snagged a full-paid college scholarship. The bad part is that it's a free ride to a college he doesn't want to attend and his wealthy parents just don't understand. The good news - well, good if you like chubby, shallow chicks with butch perms - is that all the popular cheerleaders now want in his pants. David already has a girlfriend, though; quiet redhead Joni (Megan Wyss), who's new to town and doesn't fit in with the popular people. David decides to throw a party anyway since his parents will be gone for the weekend. His folks remind him to take his medication before they leave because if he doesn't have it he'll become "violent." Perhaps he should just lay off the steroids instead?

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So David, Joni, David's best pal D.B. (Ron Thomas), his girl Lisa (Janette Allyson Caldwell), three other couples and comic relief fat guy Russell (Randy Lundsford) - who doesn't have a girlfriend cause, you know, he's fat - all congregate at David's home to party the night away. It's naturally the same home where the escaped cons from the opening sequence ended up. As they hide out in the wine cellar, the teens branch off to do their thing. Their "thing" usually involves two of them wandering off somewhere to have sex (bedroom, hot tub, sauna), one of them leaving to do something really quickly, their significant other getting killed while they're gone and then them returning to get killed themselves. The chief suspects are obviously the murderous criminals in the basement, but then again, we have David acting a little odd because he didn't get his prescription filled and Joni acting a little odd when someone cracks a shock therapy joke, so you never know.

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At the very least, the filmmakers attempt to make each murder scene a little different, so this has variety going for it. We get a face burned on an indoor grill, an axe to the head, poison gas let loose in a sauna, an electrocution in the hot tub, a strangling, shootings, a fire poker impalement and more. The film also delivers on the nudity, though it does so in the cheapest, strangest way possible. Apparently none of the ladies on hand wanted to do it, so they just swapped it all from other films and show it playing on TV sets throughout the film. The first source is from the 1981 slasher GRADUATION DAY, where we get to see a girl-changing-clothes and fencing-sword-through-the-throat murder, as well as Linnea Quigley running around topless and getting killed. The second source is from some porno film starring Seka, John Holmes and Honey Wilder, which one of the characters is watching. Both sources are sometime full screen and cut into the movie at odd times. Horror vet Herbert L. Strock (I WAS A TEENAGE WEREWOLF, THE CRAWLING HAND) was the editor!

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My absolute favorite part is a lengthy sequence featuring "the nationally-famous" Sweetheart Dancers; a bunch of frizzy haired chicks in sequin tops who do a horrible choreographed dance while some hair band plays in the background. Yes, I live for such crap.

★★

Lumaban ka, Satanas (1983)

...aka: Furia de satan, Le

...aka: Killing of Satan, The

Directed by:

Efren C. Piñon

Orlando San Miguel (Ramon Revilla), or just Lando to his homies, is your average mustachioed, middle-aged ex-con whose associations with the criminal underworld are about to bite him in the ass. A few armed thugs show up at his doorstep and during a gunfight, both Lando and his young son are shot dead. Strangely, Lando's bullet wound heals itself and he's resurrected without a stratch. It has something to do with his Uncle Miguel, a powerful, God-fearing sorcerer who lives on an island far, far away and sacrificed himself so that Lando can redeem himself. Lando, along with his wife Laura (Elizabeth Oropesa) and teen daughter Betty are taking a boat ride when a force draws them directly to the island. Once they arrive, they learn there's a struggle between the good, peaceful villagers and a rival island of cave-dwelling bad guys led by the red-caped "Prince of Magic." Lando's dormant telepathic powers are awaken during a watery encounter with his Uncle's corpse and he must now use them when his niece Luisa (Cecille Castillo) and his daughter are kidnapped.

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Along with a cousin named Ben, Lando travels to the evil island for a series of weird adventures that involve everything from jumping cobras to evil dwarves to seductive female shapeshifters who can transform into various animals to and other strange otherworldly creatures. Sometimes telepathy is employed in the fights (employing cheap-looking sonar fx) and sometimes it's just your standard hand-to-hand combat. The whole thing follows a simplistic good vs. evil/God vs. Satan template. Yes, all of the baddies are all in cohorts with Satan, but now that Lando is on the right path he discovers that God on his side. In fact, he literally does have God on his side and gets to consult with him before taking on the Prince of the Darkness himself! Satan (Charlie Davao) first appears as a red-painted guy in a red spandex outfit with a mustache, a trident and forked tail before changing into a horned guy in a black suit. And for some reason he wants Lando's whiny daughter to be his bride.

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This simple-headed morality fable might have been a decent little juvenile adventure for kids if not for some nudity (Lando's daughter is thrown into an electric cage full of nude women), some gore (including a guy getting a huge chunk torn out of his face and another smashed with a boulder) and some animal cruelty (real snakes are smashed, burned and thrown around). As for most adults, well you just need to be that special kind of viewer who likes to sit back and laugh at cut-rate production values, awful dialogue, lame special effects and bad acting. If that's what you like, you'll probably love what this one delivers.

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There were many horror films being produced in the Philippines during the 60s, 70s and 80s, but almost none of them (aside from the ones that were financed by other countries and filmed there specifically because it's cheap) received a release outside of Asia. This is one of the few that was. An English-dubbed version was released through Paragon Video Productions.

★★

Blood (1974)

Directed by:

Andy Milligan

"A traditional Gothic Horror makes this film unsuitable for children and some scenes may be disturbing to some members of the public." Whaa? Oh it's you again Iver Film Services, the same people who called the Indian "Laughing Cow" on the back of your Shriek of the Mutilated VHS box. I should have known. In 1872, scientist Dr. Lawrence Orlofsky (Allan Berendt) returns to America from an extended stay in Budapest and fronts three months rent on a new home before telling the landlord to bugger off and leave him alone. His bitchy, pampered, vain wife Regina (Hope Stansbury) has an issue with her skin pigment and must be kept out of the sun at all costs. Maid Carrie (Patricia Gaul), who is loyal to the husband but hated by the wife (and vice versa), has a withered leg and hobbles up and down the staircase in a huge Victoria gown. Carrie's husband Orlando (Michael Fischetti) actually has no legs. And having it even worse than everyone else is Carlotta (Pichulina Hampi), an orphan the family adopted as a child who's now an anemic, jittery, clumsy and retarded old hag because she has spent her entire life as a blood pump. Lawrence conducts experiments on fast-growing, man-eating killer plants in his basement lab. After finding out he's been swindled by local banker Carl Root (John Wallowitch), he plots revenge and then begins an affair with Root's lovely young secretary Prudence Towers (Pamela Adams).

Regina is upset that hubby doesn't want to make love to her anymore and starts killing people with a meat cleaver and drinking their blood because she's actually (gasp!) a vampire. One of her first victims is Carrie's sailor brother Johnny (David Bevans), who stops by long enough to reveal an incestuous secret and get a meat cleaver stuck in his head. Regina also kills an old woman by chopping off her hand, goes after Prudence when she learns of the affair and (when she gets really desperate) chops a real mouse in half and eats it head! Meanwhile, Lawrence is revealed to be (gasp!) a werewolf. His transformations during the full moon can be halted with an injection of a special serum he has created. His wife also needs weekly injections of a formula or else she'll die. No wonder the two of them don't get along!

With its deranged plot, bizarre characters, non-stop overwrought dramatics and technical ineptitude on display in nearly every single out-of-focus shot, this is bargain cinema at its most entertaining and endearing. Truly terrible in nearly every way, from the woefully unconvincing period detail, costumes (designed by the director) and sets to the awful editing and sound-recordings to the cheap grease paint fright makeups and mannequin gore fx. The actors - unpolished as some may be - are actually better than usual, but how budget restraints force them to speed-read through their long, bitter dialogue passages is hysterically funny. Milligan fans are going to love every minute of this. His recurring obsessions; warped, dysfunctional families, some kind of money or inheritance issue, European monsters, etc., are all on full display here,

It runs just 60 minutes and, at just 20,000 dollars, is Milligan's highest-budgeted feature! Some reference books list the film as being made in 1971, but I'm not so sure about that.

SBIG

La venganza del sexo (1969)

... aka: Curious Case of Dr. Humpp, The

... aka: Curious Dr. Humpp, The

... aka: Vengeance of Sex, The

Directed by:

Emilio Vieyra

A teenage couple, four hippies, a drunk, a stripper, a housewife and a pair of lesbians are knocked out with ether and kidnapped by a disfigured, clawed fiend. The abductor takes the victims back to a secluded mansion / laboratory/ clinic where they're subjected to crazed Dr. Humpp's sex experiments. Power-mad Dr. Humpp (Aldo Barbero) seems obsessed with making all men more virile and all women nymphos, thinking this ability will help him control the world ("Sex dominates the world... and now I dominate sex!). He tries to accomplish all this with a special serum derived from an "aphrodisiac compound." Other than his monster servant, he's helped along by his dedicated nurse (Susana Beltran), a small army of automaton robot men and a living, talking, pulsating disembodied brain that orders the doctor around and is kept in a glass vat with wires running into it! Police Inspector Benedict (Hector Biuchet) and newspaper reporter George Foran (Ricardo Bauleo) are on the case. George manages to also get kidnapped and finds himself caught between his affections for the nurse and a stripper named Rachel (Gloria Prat). To make matters even wackier, the nurse also has the hots for Humpp (who could care less) and the scarred monster falls in love with Rachel, bringing her flowers and romantically strumming his guitar (?) for her.

I have no clue how the original Argentinian version plays out dialogue-wise, but the English-language dub is comedy gold, and this is the exact type of horror-sex hybrid I can personally stand behind and recommend to fans. No one expects these things to be anything more than sleazy, brainless entertainment, and that's precisely what this delivers. There's loads of soft sex and frontal nudity (which admittedly makes it drag at times), but there's also a nutty, entertaining and often hysterically funny sci-fi/horror story in here, too. And that's more than I can say for today's erotica, whether it be hard or soft. What other sex flick gives you robots, melancholy mutants, talking brains, hilarious dialogue and a completely over-the-top psycho doc? Not many I can think of. The acting is pretty much terrible and the whole thing is just plain silly, but it's wonderfully shot in black-and-white and surprisingly well-made in comparison to others of its type.

Filmed in 1967 but not released until two years later. Many of the sex scenes (nearly 20 minutes worth) were added later by the American distributor and were filmed by Jerald Intrator (who also added new footage to NIGHT OF THE BLOODY APES for its U.S. release). Director Vieyra also made Stay Tuned for Terror (1965), Blood of the Virgins (1967), Feast of Flesh (1967; aka The Deadly Organ), The Naked Beast (1971) and others.

The DVD is from Something Weird.

★★1/2

Camping del terrore (1986)

...aka: Body Count

...aka: Bodycount
...aka: Camping della morte

...aka: Camping Ground

Directed by:

Ruggero Deodato

Italian-made imitation of FRIDAY THE 13TH et al has a few familiar faces in the cast and an excellent shooting location but is too predictable (and poorly made) to be of much interest to anyone other than very forgiving slasher enthusiasts. A little boy named Ben witnesses a young couple getting killed by an Indian shaman. Fifteen years later, a bunch of young folks arrive at the same location (rumored to have been built upon an Indian burial ground) to camp, fish, ride motorcycles, hike and generally goof off. They're greeted with hostility by camp owner Robert Ritchie (David Hess, star of the director's HOUSE ON THE EDGE OF THE PARK), whose wife Julia (Mimsy Farmer) is having an affair with the local fuzz, Sheriff Charlie Barnes (Charles Napier). A now grown Ben (Nicola Farron), the son of Robert and Julia, also comes back for a visit. As expected, the Indian killer - who is either a human in disguise or a supernatural entity - begins killing everyone off one by one.

One could easily pick at the recycled premise, terrible dialogue or bad acting, but all that is pretty much expected of an 80s slasher flick. This one still fails because the usual irritations are coupled with unimaginative and weak murders, horrendous editing and bad lighting. What the hell is the point of one of these things if you can't even make the kills out clearly? Futhermore, what's the point of one of these things when you actually can see the kills and all you get is yet another dull knife stabbing? It's not scary, suspenseful or tense. It's not gory. And it's not even unintentionally funny. Just really bland. I also would have appreciated being able to tell what happened when our hero (Bruce Penhall) and heroine (Luisa Maneri) faced off against the killer toward the end but alas it was so damn dark and badly edited I couldn't tell what the hell was going on.

All of the problems are a true shame too, because this has the foundation of a decent enough film, starting with Claudio Simonetti's very 80s (and very great!) theme music over the opening credits. The outdoor setting itself (in Abruzzo, Italy), with its nice fall colors and mountainous backdrops, is an excellent location for one of these things. There are some horror vets in the cast, too. Aside from those mentioned, John Steiner (as a doctor) and Ivan Rassimov (as a deputy) show up in small roles, and 'B' fans may even recognize some of the lesser-knowns, such as Nancy Brilli (DEMONS 2), Cynthia Thompson (CAVEGIRL) and Valentina Forte (CUT AND RUN). Unfortunately, the pluses aren't nearly enough to overcome the negligent direction and ineptitude constantly on display here. Every single FRIDAY THE 13TH film released during the 1980s is better than this.

★1/2