Bakterion (1982)

... aka: Panic
... aka: Pánico
... aka: Panik
... aka: Zombi 4

Directed by:
"Anthony Richmond" (Tonino Ricci)

Something goes wrong at the Chemi-Cal Corporation, which infects rats (turning them violent) as well as an accidental human guinea pig for a new vaccine, who turns green, starts smoking and begins the slow process of mutating into a lumpy-faced radioactive monster. The man manages to escape the building but Chemi-Cal president Mr. Milton (Franco Ressel) doesn't want anyone to say anything about this to the citizens of the small town of Newton, England. He claims to be afraid of a citywide panic if journalists get word out about what's going on, but he's mostly concerned about his highly-profitable business. Scientists Jane Blake (Janet Agren) and Dr. Vince (Miguel Herrera) claim to know nothing about the new vaccine that started the problem. It was in fact the brainchild of Professor Adams (Roberto Ricci), who's unfortunately on vacation trout fishing as all this goes down. Well, supposedly. Since Chemi-Cal is known primarily for making just aspirin and antibiotics, suspicions fall quickly fall upon Adams, who may have been experimenting with things he shouldn't have been.

The mutant man soon gets to work killing people. He surprises a young couple having sex in a car and slaughters both. Upon finding the bodies, Sergeant O'Brien (José Lifante) is called in to investigate the crime. Newton being a small town and all, he only has two men under him, so government agent Captain Kirk (David Warbeck) is brought in to do a parallel investigation on Chemi-Cal. Kirk soon draws the correct conclusion that there's a connection between the murders, the accident in the laboratory and the disappearance of the the professor. He decides to enlist Jane's aid in hunting down Adams. They go to his vacation cottage and find no sign of him. They do however find his "bodyguard" dead, bloody and strung up over the fireplace. An autopsy on the body uncovers something strange about his cellular structure. The mutant then sneaks into a home and kills a woman in the shower, leaving behind some "green stuff" at the crime scene. Each of the victims have the same traits: they look like they've been chewed up by some kind of animal, most of their blood has been drained from their body and they have strange sores that are the result of contact with a radioactive substance.

The monster - which has been hanging around in an underground sewer system and hates bright light and loud noises - goes to a movie theatre and busts through the screen mid-movie causing a mild pAnIcO. Its gravitation toward naked or half-naked or just-got-naked big-breasted women continues as it zeros in on a half-dressed trollop who'd just promised her date she'd put out if he went and got her an ice cream cone! Excuse me for a second while I go stock my freezer with drumsticks. After he strangles her, throws her over his shoulder and takes her backstage for a midday snack he decides for a change of scenery and goes to a church to impale a priest. As it turns out, Professor Adams was actually working on a virus to use in germ warfare and managed to infect himself in the process. The government decides to send in the military in to quarantine the entire town. A roadblock with armed guards is put in place and the phones, TVs and any contact with the outside world for the citizens of Newton are all cut off. Because no one is giving them any information, some of the citizens decide to do a little revolting but they're no match for the military.

Word gets out that the government has also decided to enact "Plan Q," which means the entire town is going to get blown off the map unless either Adams is proven to be non-contagious and is killed or if Jane and Vince are able to come up with an antidote. Adams manages to find his way to Mr. Milton's home and kills him in front of his children. Kirk heads on over to the crime scene and decides to follow the green slime / blood trail into the sewers. 

Sgt. O'Brien:
What are you doing?

Kirk:
I want to follow it.

Sgt. O'Brien:
I forbid you to. It's crazy. You don't know how to kill him, anyway!

Kirk:
I know I don't, but I have no choice!

Uh huh. So down he goes. A close call or two later, Jane finishes the antidote and volunteers to give it to Adams, but everyone else just wants to blast him to pieces. With time ticking away and just an hour or so remaining until the military bombs the hell out of the town, can our heroes track the killer down in time?

Despite being murky, dreary, predictable and completely unoriginal (much of this seems inspired by George Romero's THE CRAZIES), this has many other problems. If there was a toxic, radioactive, possibly contagious monster running amuck, would you casually run your fingers through blood or touch the victims? Eventually it's established that the virus the mutant is carrying is not actually contagious, yet no one decides to inform the government of this so they can cancel "Plan Q?" Speaking of the government, how come none of the military men are ever out looking for Adams and the locals have to do all the work? The soundtrack seems to hint toward wanting us to feel sympathy for the monster, but since Adams was never established as an actual character, that simply ain't gonna happen. And so on and so on. The monsters effects from Rino Carboni are pretty mediocre though I've seen worse.

The DVD I viewed was from Mill Creek Entertainment and it's pretty much an embarrassment sourced from a censored VHS tape. There are picture rolls (with "stereo" actually popping up on the screen during one of them!), profanity is bleeped out and all of the nudity has been removed. Since several of the attacks are on nude women, this means that some of the blood / gore is also missing. Then again, when one spends peanuts on a multi-movie packs they can't expect too much.

★1/2

Quella villa in fondo al parco (1987)

... aka: Ratman
... aka: Rat Man, The
... aka: Terror House

Directed by:
Giuliano Carnimeo

2'4" Dominican Republic native Nelson de la Rosa was certified as "the smallest man on Earth" by the Guiness Book of World Records in 1990. Several years before achieving that claim to fame, the diminuative fella had already been 'discovered' by thrifty exploitation filmmakers, who gave him the lead role as a mutant rat/monkey hybrid that runs amuck on a barely-populated Caribbean island. Hey, saves on special effects, doesn't it? Unfortunately, despite de la Rosa's presence, the film itself is something of a bore. There's a little blood, a little nudity, a few familar faces for the faithful and some decent shooting locations, but it's dark, slow-moving, flatly presented and badly-written, with lousy dialogue, a bare minimum of plot, uninteresting characters and absolutely no motivation for its mad science premise (the guy who creates "Ratman" is basically shoved off to the side). The cherry on top is that it's saddled with a groaner of an ending.

On the aforementioned island paradise, sleazy fashion photographer Mark (Werner Pochath), his assistant Monique (Anna Silvia Grullon) and two blonde models; Marilyn (Eva Grimaldi) and Peggy (Luisa Menon), are busy at work taking advantage of the beaches for a swimsuit photo shoot. Too bad for them that it's on the same island a scientist's lab experiment has escaped its cage. Equipped with oversized fangs and razor sharp claws, 'Ratman' makes short work of Peggy while she's out taking a midnight stroll. Strangely, Marilyn's sister Terry (Janet Agren) is informed that her sister has been killed and arrives to ID the body. On the way there, she bumps into mystery novelist Fred Williams (David Warbeck) and he decides to accompany her to the morgue. When Terry discovers the corpse isn't actually her sister she's called back in a second time to ID another body that turns out to not be her sister either. Oops!

Terry and Fred then set out to locate Marilyn, who has ventured inland with Mark and Monique to take more photos. After Monique is killed and her body is discovered, Mark and Marilyn take off and end up stranded at the scientist's home. Guess who else eventually shows up to terrorize them? Can Terry and Mark make it to the home in time to save the sister? I doubt you'll even care by that point.

Warbeck and Agren (previously paired in the dreary and derivative monster flick PANIC in 1982) are saddled with incredibly boring scenes and are given nothing of interest to do. Though third billed, most of the weight is actually carried by the voluptuous Grimaldi, who has to try to survive the night trapped in the house with the lethal lil monster and is also responsible for providing all of the film's nudity, including a lengthy shower scene which is probably the most memorable scene in the entire movie.

Despite the somewhat degrading nature of the role, de la Rosa is used effectively in a handful of scenes. After appearing in this and gaining the Guiness notoriety, he'd go on to become friends with Red Sox pitcher Pedro Martinez (and would frequently be seen at games), got to appear alongside Marlon Brandon in the badly received THE ISLAND OF DR. MOREAU (1995) and gained employ in a circus. He passed away in 1996. The director (billed as "Anthony Ascot") also made the giallo THE CASE OF THE BLOODY IRIS (1972).

Though released on VHS and DVD in many countries, this one has never been officially released in the U.S. The original title translates to something like House at the End of the Park, but was given the tongue-in-cheek RATMAN title for distribution in the UK. Other DVD's released elsewhere carry the uber generic TERROR HOUSE title.

★1/2

Mangiati vivi! (1980)

...aka: Cannibal holocausto 2

...aka: Doomed to Die

...aka: Eaten Alive!

...aka: Eaten Alive by Cannibals

...aka: Emerald Jungle, The

Directed by:

Umberto Lenzi

An asian blowgun assassin takes out victims in Niagara Falls and New York City before getting run over by a car. Sheila Morris (blonde Swedish babe Janet Agren, given a hilarious "Southern belle" dub to show she's from Alabama) finds a connection between these killings and the disappearance of her sister Diana (Paola Senatore) and sets out to investigate. This brings her to New Guinea where she promises a sleazy guide (Robert Kerman aka American porn star R. Bolla) 80,000 dollars to help locate her sister. After barely making it through a jungle full of bloodthirsty cannibals, they finally locate Diana, who's under the control of Jim Jones-type cult leader Jonas Melvyn (Ivan Rassimov). Jonas does the typical mad guru-style things, like passing out LSD, initiating group suicide, threatening to kill anyone who disobeys him and raping Agren with a giant dong dipped in cobra blood. Every once in awhile a character will look to the right or look to the left and see a gory scene lifted directly from either Deotato's JUNGLE HOLOCAUST (1976) or Lenzi's MAN FROM DEEP RIVER (1972). Guess it was a nice way to save time and money. I'm pretty sure they also use footage from at least one other source. Here we get the expected animal slaughter scenes (gutting a gator; natives eating live snakes), plus some additional nudity and a castration. Me Me Lai shows up in her third and final cannibal movie to give her breast implants another workout playing a widow who is gang banged by three of her brother in laws on top of the ashes of her freshly cremated husband. Mel Ferrer also briefly appears as a professor, but is given nothing of interest to do.

So anyway, with MANGIATI VIVI! you pretty much get a promise fulfilled with all the nudity, gore, dead animals and bad taste you expect with one of these titles, so if you're a sleaze hound, by all means watch it. Personally, I got bored with it about midway through and just wanted it to end. The original (heavily cut) U.S. release in 1985 was titled THE EMERALD JUNGLE in order to trick people into thinking they were actually renting John Boorman's EMERALD FOREST, which I find absolutely hilarious for some reason!

★1/2