Gamera tai daiakuju Giron (1969)

... aka: Attack of the Monsters
... aka: Gamera vs. Guillon
... aka: Gamera vs. Guiron
... aka: Gamera vs. the Devil-Beast Guiron
... aka: Gamera vs. the Giant Evil Beast Guiron

Directed by:
Noriaki Yuasa

By this point in the Gamera series, things were decidedly being geared more toward children, which is cool, I guess. Kids need monster movies just like the rest of us and these films are good, harmless (well, mostly...) ways to introduce the young ones to the genre. This past holiday weekend I had the pleasure of babysitting my  3 1/2 year old niece, who kept me so busy from 7am until 9pm that I barely had a chance to squeeze in any horror movies. I did however have plenty of time to shop for Minnie Mouse socks, brush up on my watercolor painting, play Dora the Explorer games on the Nick Jr. website and listen to the Yo Gabba Gabba Megamix about 100 times. Side note: I'm praying I can get "Go! Go! Go, Foofa!" out of my head by the end of the week. My niece is usually a pretty good sleeper, but one evening she wandered into the living room while I was watching this. Since it was nearing the end and had been rather G-rated up until that point, I let her watch a couple of scenes before it was back to bed. Her verdict? Gamera is "... a silly and weird turtle." As for Guiron, well: "I don't like him. He's scary and looks mean." If only I could nail a film down in so many words.

After astronomer Dr. Shiga (Eiji Funakoshi) holds a press conference about strange magnetic waves they've been receiving, a spaceship lands in a vacant field somewhere in Japan. Young Akio (Nobuhiro Kajima), his kid sister Tomoko (Miyuki Akiyama) and his friend Tom (Chrystopher Murphy) happen to be stargazing with a telescope and see it. None of the adults - including Akio and Tomoko's mother Kuniko (Yuko Hamada) nor neighborhood cop Officer Kondo (Kon Omura) believe them, so the next morning the three kids ride their bikes go to the spot where it landed and sure enough there it is. Akio and Tom go inside and realize no one's on board, so they immediately start pushing buttons. Next thing they know the ship's lifting off and they're flying through space. When they come across some meteors, Gamera the giant jet-propelled flying turtle and "friend of children" saves the day by smashing the rocks, but the spaceship speeds up and they lose him.

Meanwhile, Akio and Tom have crash landed on a strange planet called Terra, which is on the opposite side of the sun and has an atmosphere somewhat similar to ours. They first spot the big, winged, aluminum-foil-wrapped bird that looks similar to Gaos, who'd caused some problems in a previous film in this series. Gaos encounters Guiron, who comes crawling out of the ground. Looking like a cross between a shark and a Bowie knife and equipped with throwing stars on his schnoz, Guiron reflects Goas' laser ray back onto him, which cuts off his leg. The two boys then encounter a pair of female aliens in tights, but are Barbella (Hiroki Kai) and Florbella (Reiko Kasahara) as kind as they first appear? Conducting experiments in controlling the environment have backfired for the race of Terrans and now because their planet is frozen and overrun by monsters, they'd like to locate. The two aliens are the last of their race, have lots of neat gadgets and have control over Guiron; who does their bidding. They'd also plan on eating Akio and Tom's brains to acquire their knowledge. A trip to Earth for them will be just another all-you-can eat cannibal buffet.

Back on Earth, little Tomoko tries to tell mom what happened, but her constant whining falls on deaf ears. Tom's skeptical mother Elza (Edith Hanson) shows up looking for her son and also doesn't believe Tomoko; telling authorities "Psychologists insist that if you believe everything a child says it's educationally and psychologically wrong!" So let me get this straight... In a world where gigantic alien creatures demolishing cities is the norm, and a big, child-loving turtle with a build in jet propulsion system flies around fighting them, is it really all that hard to believe that a couple of kids flew off in a spaceship? Nevertheless, this is cute and lively if you can get past Akio's obnoxious habit of calling everyone an idiot. Gamera not only gets to fight Guiron several times and eventually save the day, but he also gets to demonstrate his formidable gymnastic abilities on the uneven bar. Some scenes seem a little harsh for really small children, like when the aliens give the boys doughnuts laced with "sleeping powder," then strap Akio down, shave his noggin and then begin to cut into his head with an electric saw!

Yuasa also directed the original Gamera, the Giant Monster (1965) and all of the sequels in the original series aside from the first: Gamera vs. Barugon (1966; aka War of the Monsters); which is more serious and adult-oriented. The others are Gamera vs. Gaos (1967; aka Return of the Giant Monsters) and Gamera vs. Viras (1968; aka Destroy All Planets), scenes from both of which are used as flashback footage here, Gamera vs. Monster X (1970) and Gamera vs. Zigra (1971). AIP-TV initially released the films in America, while Sandy Frank handled later U.S. theatrical distribution for most of the series (often having the films re-dubbed a second time). They're all pretty easy to find on DVD, VHS or online to view.

★★1/2

Carrie (1976)

Directed by:
Brian De Palma

With the current big budget remake of Carrie (directed by Kimberly Pierce) currently playing in theaters, I figured it was about time the original classic finally got a write-up on here. I'll start out by saying that I'm not sure whether or not I'm even going to bother watching the latest adaptation of the Stephen King novel. I've already read up on it quite a bit and all I see are mostly indifferent reviews from critics and lots of bickering on internet message boards. Morbid curiosity will probably get the better of me eventually, but I'm sure as hell not going to pay to see yet another lesser version of an already perfectly fine film. Going to the cinema to watch these things only ensures more of the same and I'm done giving lazy filmmakers and producers my hard-earned money, and thus showing my approval, for what they're doing. The general consensus of fans of the original seems to be that the remake is a pale copy that brings absolutely nothing new to the table and is subpar in every way imaginable to De Palma's original. Remake defenders state the original is dated and this new one updates both the story and the special effects to contemporary times for a new generation. And that's pretty much all I had to hear to finalize my decision on skipping out on Carrie 2013 for the time being.

Even without seeing this newest version, I still have a bone to pick with many of its fans for pulling out the tired "It's dated" card. Anyone who frequents movie message boards is already well-acquainted with this lame defense mechanism. It's all about finding ways to denigrate the original, even for the most asinine and ridiculous reasons imaginable, in an attempt to boost up the newer one. While no film is perfect, and the original Carrie is no exception to that rule, 70s era fashions and hairdos most certainly do not deaden or lessen its impact one bit to a modern viewer; at least not those hopelessly stuck on small superficial details. 

Well over three and a half decades later, the film still tells a harrowing story about what it's like to be an outcast during an already-confusing time in one's life, and also stands as an astute warning to those who like to poke hornet's nests with sticks. If you do, you pretty much deserve what you have coming to you. In addition to its still relevant themes, the compelling central performances, the artistry of De Palma's direction (which has about the best use of split-screen you will see), the haunting elegance of Pino Donaggio's score and the star spangled beauty of Mario Tosi's cinematography, all ensure that the original will forever remain a classic. We'll see how well-regarded Carrie 2013 is by 2050. And with that, I'm done talking about the new Carrie... until it pops up on the Lifetime Network here in about two years and I have nothing else to watch.

Aside from what De Palma and his crew brought to the table, Carrie's enduring popularity can also be attributed to a trio of terrific performances. The first, of course, comes from Sissy Spacek as the meek, shy, abused outsider who's tormented by her peers at school and has to deal with even worse problems at home. Spacek's impressive performance, a breakout role which garnered her an Oscar nomination, has two very distinct layers to it. While she always enlists our sympathies, she's also downright scary when push comes to shove and, decked in a coat of crimson pig's blood, her telekinetic powers are unleashed in all their fury. Whether victim or avenger, we learn to genuinely care for the character, which makes the build-up to the inevitable tragic climax all the more powerful, and Spacek deserves all the accolades she received for helping to make that happen. Piper Laurie, who also received an Oscar nomination, gives the second standout performance; a scenery-chewing, barnstorming interpretation of a nutso religious fanatic that, once seen, is never forgotten. The third performance of note comes from Betty Buckley, who is often overlooked in favor of the two leading ladies, but in her own way is equally impressive as tough yet tender-hearted gym teacher Miss Collins; one of the few people to show our troubled protagonist a little compassion.

Much of the rest of the cast also contribute pretty solid work. Nancy Allen (who'd later marry the director) is perfectly detestable as Chris; the extremely nasty girl who masterminds the cruel Prom prank on Carrie with help from her moronic boyfriend (a pre-Saturday Night Fever John Travolta; who's actually about the weakest acting link here). Amy Irving (who'd later marry Steven Spielberg) offers a counter-balance as Sue, who puts her popularity at risk trying to help out her tormented classmate by offering up her own boyfriend Tommy (William Katt) as a Prom Night date. P.J. Soles and Edie McClurg (as a few of the other mean girls), Sydney Lassick (teacher), Stefan Gierasch (principal) and Irving's real-life mother Priscilla Pointer as same round out the cast. Apparently a joint casting call was placed for this and Star Wars (1977), with some actors chosen for this project and some going to the other. It was clearly a win win situation for whoever managed to book a job that day. The director's son, Cameron De Palma, appears briefly as an obnoxious little boy riding a bike.

An extremely successful film, both commercially and critically, Carrie spawned its share of clones and a flop Broadway musical that lasted only two weeks, as well as many more genre films meant to appeal directly to a teenage audience. It however wouldn't be until 1999 that an official sequel emerged. Despite not being too bad of a movie overall, Katt Shea's The Rage: Carrie II (which featuring Irving reprising her role), received poor to middling reviews and didn't quite set the box office on fire. Nevertheless, a made-for-TV mini-series was released just three years later. Though more faithful to the book and boasting a strong central performance from Angela Bettis, the overall effect was muted by a 3-hour run-time, a pointless framing device and ugly cinematography. It didn't help matters that the horrific Prom massacre was reduced to a barrage of horrible CGI effects and a moronic, misconceived twist was grafted onto the end. (Apparently, they wanted to turn the movie into a TV series at one point. Yikes!) Oh well, feel free to ignore all that if you want. The original's not going anywhere and it's easy to find. Personally, I think it's one of the few examples of a film being better than its source novel (it was adapted by Lawrence D. Cohen).

★★★1/2

Blödaren (1983)

... aka: Bleeder, The

Directed by:
Hans G. Hatwig

If you're wanting to see a good exploitation / slasher / gore film, look elsewhere. If you're wanting to see some overacting guy chasing girls with horrible hair and clothes around in abandoned houses and through the woods for 80 minutes, this is your movie. Blödaren aka "The Bleeder" (Åke Eriksson) is the nickname given to this film's psycho. He has a beard, long hair and wears a tan jumpsuit, pushes around a baby carriage, is emotionally stunted, likes to wag his tongue around a lot and suffers from some kind of rare, incurable genetic disorder that makes his eyeballs bleed. Twenty five years earlier when he was just a child, his mother attempted to simultaneously drown him and commit suicide in a lake but only managed to kill herself in the process. After spending years in a mental institution, The Bleeder has escaped and is back at his old, long-since-abandoned lakeside home killing whoever he can get his hands on. A young couple whose car breaks down nearby become his first victims. Three months pass, and a new group of people have the misfortune of getting stranded there so it's time for more of the same.

A (terrible!) all-female glam rock band called the "Rock Cats" finish a concert for about a dozen people, hop in their tour bus and are on their way toward another gig. They - Axet (Sussi Ax), Mia (Mia Hansson), Nulle (Agnetha Öhlund), Eva (Eva Danielsson) and Maria (Maria Landberg) - are all bleached and teased blondes decked out in stiletto heels, studded leather jackets with shoulder pads, giant hoop earrings and leopard-print spandex pants. One of the girls even wears leg warmers with bells on them, which are annoyingly heard jingling during nearly every scene. They have a problem with the "generator" on their bus and are forced to walk to Bifors; the nearest village. When they get there, they discover that the entire area has been abandoned and all that remains are a bunch of run-down, unoccupied homes. As they go from house to house, they find blood on the floors and in bathtubs, an altar with cups full of blood and a human skull in a baby carriage. None of that stops these shred-head bimbos from continually wandering off by themselves so they can get picked off one-by-one. Their only hope for being saved is a forest ranger (Danne Stråhed) with a braided rat tail who happens to be in the area checking his mink traps.

You'd figure that a film with the title The Bleeder would have a little, you know, blood in it, right? Think again. Pitchforks, knives and other weapons are brandished at various times, but the killer ends up actually strangling everyone. Though some of the girls are pretty good screamers, the acting is awful and none of the characters are given any personality whatsoever. They all keep their clothes on, too. So there's no gore and no skin... What exactly does this slasher flick have to offer? Well, some of the chase / pursuit sequences are pretty long if you're into that kind of thing. There are a few minor jump scares that actually work. The director has also lucked out in having some pretty great shooting locations in numerous huge, abandoned, lake-front homes. But at the end of the day, I was amused enough just seeing early 80s fashion victims wandering around spouting insipid dialogue and then getting killed.

You also get such well-written dialogue exchanges such as; Girl 1: "I wonder where we are?" / Girl 2: "In a fucking forest somewhere." and one of the most blatant rip-offs of John Carpenter's Halloween score you'll ever hear. Some moments are accidentally amusing; like when they're eating dinner and a can of hair spray is sitting right on the dining room table, and others are just hilariously stupid, like at the finale when the last remaining girl is told to roll up the windows and lock the doors on the car and she leaves the sun roof wide open so when the killer shows up he can easily yank her out. Despite lacking exploitation elements, there's probably going to be enough general stupidity here to please fans of low-budget trash. The director was known primarily for being the editor of a music magazine and several of the actors were involved in the rock music scene (the guy who plays the killer, for instance, was the drummer for a band called Attack).

The only other 80s slasher flick from Sweden I'm aware of is Blood Tracks (1985), which strangely also involves a hair rock band stranded in the middle of nowhere. Aside from torrents (some of which have English fan-subs), this is only available in its home country. The director used his magazine to promote it.

SBIG