Project Viper (2002)

... aka: Project V.I.P.E.R.
... aka: Viper

Directed by:
"Jay Andrews" (Jim Wynorski)

Yes, this borrows ideas (and in some cases, actual scenes!) from a few other popular recent action / sci-fi films, but that doesn't make this boring. In fact, it's actually pretty entertaining overall. Astronauts aboard the spaceship Olympus, which is doing some work around Mars, have some major power surge problems right before they're about to do a live TV broadcast and are all presumed dead after contact with NASA is lost. It may have something to do with Project VIPER, an experiment mixing gene microbiology with computer technology and developed at Novagen Industries, a government run facility rife with corruption. Scientist Diana (Lydie Denier) is shot dead and replaced by an identical double who breaks into the lab, guns down a dozen or so people and escapes with the second VIPER prototype. She's involved in a plane crash near the Mexican border and the program, described by one character as "living, breathing acid," kills her and the pilot and escapes into the woods. Confused yet? Well I was too at first, but after the busy opening twenty minutes or so, this settles down quite nicely and becomes an entertaining little low-budget thriller, with horror and sci-fi elements.

The program creators; chief scientist Nancy Burnham (Theresa Russell), programmer Steve (Billy Keane), computer expert Sydney (Tamara Davies) and doctor Alan (Daniel Quinn), are teamed up with smart-ass, tough guy government agent Mike Conners (Patrick Muldoon) to stop the creature before it can multiply. Naturally, one of the five has intentionally tampered with the program and created a nearly unstoppable killing machine. Tim Thomerson has a nice supporting role as a cancer-stricken small town Springfield sheriff perplexed by the string of grisly murders in his town. The ever-growing creature impales and gobbles up victims whole, can mimic any molecular structure, is usually seen as a tentacled silver blob, leaves behind a metallic slime trail wherever it visits and hangs out in the small town because of the high uranium content in the water supply, which has also led to a high cancer rate in the town. Does that make this the horror movie answer to Erin Brockovich? Actually it sort of does now that I'm thinking about it; especially when Curtis Armstrong ("Booger" from Revenge of the Nerds) shows up as a lawyer trying to get the townsfolk to sue the city. Regular viewers of Cinemax may want to note there's also a brief appearance by buxom Ohio native Lorissa McComas in a small supporting role.

Though a bit hard to follow at first, the story is passable, there's plenty of action (and explosions) and some welcome comedy. The production values, acting and special effects are all pretty good and it is one of more professional offerings from 'B' kingpin Jim Wynorski, who for some reason uses an alias ("Jay Andrews") for what turns out to be one of his better films. For the record, the car chase sequence was lifted from Species (1995) and the airplane crash footage was recycled from Air America (1990); both of which are acknowledged in the closing credits. It debuted on the Sci-Fi Channel.

★★1/2

Albino Farm (2009)

Directed by:
Joe Anderson
Sean McEwen

Take a small handful of teens, put them in a desolate area somewhere out in the boonies away from civilization, destroy their means of transportation... and then unleash the killer hillbillies! This same exact formula has been used time and time again for such films as The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (plus sequels, remakes and sequels to remakes), The Hills Have Eyes (plus sequel, remake and sequel to remake), Wrong Turn (plus sequels), Cannibal Detour, The Undertow and countless others from the early 70s all the way up to today. Albino Farm is one of the newer additions to the subgenre and it sticks pretty close to formula. In other words, if you're already well versed in these kind of films, you've probably already seen bits and pieces of this one elsewhere. On the plus side, it's actually fairly well made for what it is. Though the budget isn't astronomical and the concept isn't exactly fresh, the filmmakers at least put together a competent film. The actors are all decent, the mutant makeup designs are good and they chose a good shooting location in one of those old-looking towns in the deep south (around Springfield, Missouri).

Stacey (Tammin Sursok), Sanjay (Sunkrish Bala), Melody (Alicia Lagano) and Brian (Nick Richey) are out on a road trip doing some kind of history class assignment. They encounter a dwarf using a spatula to scrape a smashed animal up off the road (yum!) and then a blind gas station attendant (Duane Whitaker) who tells them to read Leviticus 21:16 (hint, hint) before stumbling into a small town called Shiloh around dark. While there they discover that all of the townspeople are afflicted with either a deformity (hairlips, conjoined fingers, etc.) or a handicap (some are are blind, deaf and mute). They also learn about a local legend centering around a place on the outskirts of town called Albino Farm. The four naturally make the unwise decision of checking the place out and end up running into a batch of murderous mutants.

Kevin Spirtas (from Craven's awful Hills Have Eyes sequel) plays a tent revival preacher and pro wrestler Chris Jericho (who proves to be a decent enough actor with what he's given to do here) plays a hick who makes one of the girls flash her breasts for a ride. Some of the action takes place in a cave, the ending is surprisingly effective and every once in awhile there's an bizarre moment that catches you off guard, such as an elderly lady breast feeding a mutant baby or a pig-faced mutant woman in cut off shorts who does a strip tease before ripping out a guy's teeth with a hook. There's some shoddy CGI and annoying wobbly camera-work present, but thankfully it's not overused. Could have been worse; worth a look. It apparently floated around on the bootleg circuit for awhile as Wrong Turn 4.

★★1/2

Arachnid (2001)

... aka: Amazon
... aka: 8 Legs

Directed by:
Jack Sholder

This one kicks off on a decidedly odd note as a tunnel of water rises up from the ocean as a navy jet pilot chases down an invisible alien ship. Both crash land on a tropical island somewhere near Guam and both fall prey to a gigantic mutant spider. 10 months later, the dead guy's sarcastic sister Lauren (Alex Reid, who looks kind of like Jennifer Garner), also a pilot, gets a chance to fly a medical expedition to the same area and uses the chance to try to figure out what happened to her sibling. Also along for the trip are an asshole male doctor, a bitchy female doctor, the author of the book 'Arachnid Fun Facts,' a trio of heavily-armed macho men and some local guides who make for easy anonymous prey. While nearing their destination, there's a mysterious power failure and the plane crashes on the beach. Magnetic interference kills their chances of using the radio, and they must treck across the island to try to find some help. On the way, they pass through a nearly-empty native village, picking up a helpful sole survivor from there, and must survive attacks from a variety of big bug mutations (not just the insects of the title) that are quickly evolving into the "ultimate predator." There's also a caterpillar-like creepy crawler, something that shoots green acidic gunk that melts off flesh and some bloated ticks that crawl under one guy's skin and then out his neck in the stand-out gore scene.

The location work (it was filmed in Spain), production values, photography and acting are all above par and the special effects, which employ animatronics, model work and a little CGI, are very good. Some are by Steve Johnson and his crew. Brian Yuzna (Society) was one of the producers.

★★1/2

Bleeders (1997)

... aka: Descendant, The
... aka: Hemoglobin

Directed by:
Peter Svatek

Don't know if anyone remembers the original VHS box for this or not, but it had a packet of fake blood taped to the front and you could squish it with your fingers. You gotta miss that kind of showmanship now that VHS has become obsolete! Well anyway, back to the film...

A pale, terminally ill man (Roy Dupuis) arrives on a secluded Canadian island with his blonde nurse wife (Kristin Lehman) to trace his family lineage in hopes of finding a cure for his "degenerative congenital blood disease." Turns out he's actually a descendant of the incestuous Van Daam clan, whose keeping-it-in-the-family lifestyle has resulted in little, legless, rubbery, bright-light-hating monsters who lurk beneath dark catacombs and emerge with claw hammers to nosh the blood of townspeople. First off, you might expect better coming a from a film scripted by Dan O'Bannon (Alien) and Ronald Shusett (Total Recall), but there are several glaring plot holes and the premise, despite perverse sexual elements, is overly familiar. Though he receives top billing, Rutger Hauer is also wasted yet again as a boozy doctor. However, this isn't a complete washout and that's largely due to very good performances from Dupuis and Lehman, who make you believe in their characters and their plight, even though this thing is downright stupid much of the time. Watch for them in other things, but this Canadian horror flick - which seems partially influenced by the Lovecraft story "The Lurking Fear" - will be best remembered by me for that nifty box.

★★

Day of a Thousand Screams (2012)

Directed by:
Ruben Rox

Slasher flicks have been in abundance since the late 70s. In the thirty-some years since HALLOWEEN (1978) it's become quite clear that most filmmakers weren't going to even bother deviating from the established formula. Day of a Thousand Screams actually does attempt something different. It's one part backwoods slasher and one part supernatural / ghost story, with an environmental message thrown in. Yes, environmental message. Please don't litter, and recycle, too, cause you never know when Mother Nature's gonna come after you. I won't mince words here: this film is strange. Very strange. There's even a quip at the beginning stating that it's "non-serious" and "disjointed." Disjointed is certainly an apt description for what you will see here, but I don't know about non-serious. The movie actually does seem to take itself rather seriously and doesn't seem overly comedic. It's certainly no spoof and I wouldn't even call it a horror-comedy despite some out-of-left-field in-jokes referencing other films. When one character mentions going to see a band called "Severe Face Damage," only a select few die-hard B-movie fans are going to be able to connect that to the Rick Sloane-directed POLICE ACADEMY knock-off VICE ACADEMY (1988).

Day begins in a picturesque National Park with a pair of female joggers; Betsy (Cara Mattern) and Dee Dee (Rachel Wise), running across mysterious, bearded, black-clad Carl Ziegler (David Hoffman). Ziegler promptly impales Dee Dee's hand with a stick before goring her forehead with it, sending Betsy running off in a panic. Meanwhile, a three-person TV crew consisting of nightly news reporter Natasha McGrath (Catherine Franklin), Natasha's personal assistant Olen (director / writer Ruben Rox) and cameraman Wade (Kyle Cardenas) show up to do some kind of Halloween story at a cemetery that they hope will be able to compete with rival reporter Matt Morbid's (Lucien Eisenach) ratings. Strangely, the two female joggers who had already been attacked and presumedly killed end up running across the crew as if nothing had happened. Was what we already saw a flash-forward? Actually, no. Well, maybe, yes. Well, sort of... I think. The whole group of people have become trapped in the woods in some kind of time warp where they're on a continuous loop to get attacked and killed over and over and over again by the same guy for what could be the rest of eternity. Hence, the thousand screams.

Not much is really answered in this vague film. Why this group of people? Is it because they simply all happen to be at the wrong place at the wrong time? Or becaue it's Halloween; a special day of evil? Personally, I didn't get that impression so much. Nearly everyone who is killed is seen at one point or another throwing garbage on the ground while the Ziegler character follows behind them and picks it up, so he's clearly angry they're nonchalantly mucking up a beautiful park. Speaking of the Ziegler character, he's completely ambiguous and given no backstory. Aside from being a caretaker, we have no clue who he is or even what he is. He seems to be a cross between Mother Nature and Father Time, and carries around a satchel whose contents we never see. Every once in awhile, he'll get a handful of white powder and blow into the air or onto people. I wasn't quite sure if the powder was used to stop time, repeat time, revive the dead so he can kill them all over again or what. At one point it seems like he has revived one of his victims as a zombie to kill another person, but since we only see a close-up of a mouth it is again difficult to tell. There's also the possibility that the forest (where strange noises and screams after often heard) has somehow possessed Ziegler, but that's just opening up another can o' worms.

All of the above happens to be just the first portion of the movie. The Olen character manages to get out of the forest time trap, though it's not explained how he was able to accomplish such. Perhaps because he didn't litter? Olen returns home and a month passes. We then see him go through his everyday routine. He reads the Terror on Tape book (hey, I have that one too!), eats, watches a horror movie (which seems to be clips from another of the director / star's films), sweeps the kitchen, takes out the trash and runs on the treadmill. He seems to be haunted by ghosts, though we never get to actually see them. Every so often he'll look off to the side and scream. Finally he has a nasty encounter with a broken VHS tape. These concluding scenes seem grafted on to the original film (which doesn't appear to have been completed) to boost up the running time. They also mark an abrupt drop in quality from the first portion. The woods scenes feature semi-decent DSLR outdoor photography (courtesy Alex Williams) with a very nice faded look (probably added during post-production), while the later indoor scenes seem shot with a lower grade camera and are dark and grainy. This actually works fairly well stylistically.

Because it is mostly set in some kind of constantly-repeating time warp, a nonexistent continuity creating a constant confusion and disorientation can almost get a pass here, though it clearly could have been rendered in a smoother fashion. Scenes are repeated. Scenes are put in slow motion. Scenes are repeated and put in slow motion. Many viewers are probably going to be confused, but the open-ended storyline - with plenty of room for viewer interpretation - will engage others. The music is pretty good, it makes great use of some picturesque Oregon locations and possesses some interest for a surrealism that from all indications was accidentally achieved. And hey, at least it's a little different from the norm.

* I viewed a workprint version of the film and will make adjustments to the review if necessary upon seeing the finished cut.

★★

Mo (1983)

... aka: 魔
... aka: Boxer's Omen, The
... aka: Demon

Directed by:
Chih-Hung Kuei

If you want to see pure insanity captured on film, make sure to check this one out. A championship boxing match between a Hong Kong and a Thai boxer gets ugly when the losing Thai fighter, Ba Bo (Bolo Yeung), administers a post-match kick to the back of the winner's neck, fracturing his spine and paralyzing him for life. The injured boxer's brother Hung Chan (Philip Ko Fei) is almost killed by the evil fighter's gang of thugs that night but is saved by the ghost of a monk and later visited in his apartment by the same ghost and a floating upside-down "V" emblem. Upon a trip to the hospital to visit his injured sibling, Hung learns of his brother's wish: He wants to be avenged. Hung then travels to Thailand, challenges Ba Bo to a match that's to take place in three months time and then, on his way out, recognizes the golden "^" he'd seen floating in his apartment above a temple. There, he learns that there's another reason fate has brought him to Thailand other than to avenge his brother. Apparently he's living a parallel life to Abbot Qing Zhao, who was his twin in a past life... and has been dead for a year. The only reason Hung himself isn't also dead is because the monk was on the verge of achieving immortality and his body is still well preserved... at least for the time being.

Flashbacks reveal what happened to Abbot Zhao the year prior. He had gone to Hong Kong to battle an emissary of evil and managed to kill the guy (making him rapidly age to death) and captured a bat that climbed out of his mouth. The man he killed was just an underling for a more powerful, even more evil sorcerer and a battle of magic ensued. Said battle involved chanting, smoke, snakes and reanimated bat skeletons. The evil sorcerer milks three cobras, cracks open a worm-covered skull, mixes the venom in with the brain matter and then lets some rather plush-looking tarantulas suck up the mixture. Later that night, he snuck into the temple, scaled the walls and sent two of the spiders onto the sleeping Abbot. They bit him on the eyeballs and he eventually died. When Hung returns to his hotel room to let all of this soak in and contemplate it his next, he ends up getting sick and vomits up a live eel. Seeing as how he's on borrowed time as is, Hung decides to get more in touch with his spiritual side.

Hung shaves his head, changes him name to Kaidi Baluo and goes through monk training. He learns endurance by being forced to stand in a lake full of leeches and is put in a large clay pot where the words inscribes on the inside bleed over onto his body. To complete his indoctrination, he takes an oath to defeat all evil, follow the laws of Buddha and then must swear off gambling, killing, sex and money for the rest of his life. Almost immediately, the evil sorcerer who had killed Abbot Qing shows up to challenge Hung by cutting the head off a chicken, shaking the blood all over some crocodile skulls and then sending an army of bats after him. Through prayer, Hung is able to create a force field that protects him while the bats burst into flames. Hung is also able to ward off animated skulls. The evil sorcerer eats chicken intestines, pukes them up and then eats the puke, creates a green alien-looking monster and then detaches his own head. Hung is able to defeat and kill the sorcerer and thus release both Abbot Qing and himself from the curse.

Hung returns to Hong Kong and, having apparently decided not to stick to the same tenants of Buddhism he used to save his ass when he needed it, immediately gets down with his girlfriend in the shower. He then decides to go through with the match against Thai boxer Ba Bo and defeats him. Back in Thailand, the evil isn't extinguished quite yet as some other followers of the "Lord of the Dark" are busy at work. They kill a crocodile, gut it and place a female mummy inside. To resurrect her they chew up banana peels, decomposed bird and a chicken's tail (cut off a live chicken), then puke it up onto a plate and pass it to the next guy who then puts the regurgitated mixture into his mouth, chews and pukes it up again and finally feed it to the woman, bringing her to life. She uses her razor fingernails to poke the eyeballs out of a picture of Hung. After going temporarily blind and realizing evil is conspiring against him yet again, Hung (who has lost all of his powers for breaking the rules) learns he has just a few weeks left to live unless he can locate a Buddhist artifact (the Golden Ashes) in Nepal.

Hampered somewhat by inadequate characterizations and a frequently confusing storyline (which settles down fairly nicely by the finale), this is still one of the best of the Shaw Brothers horror productions I've seen. Visually, it's eye-filling, extremely colorful and quite astonishing, with outstanding art direction, great cinematography and kaleidoscopic lighting. It's also one of the most invigoratingly imaginative films out there, with a new surprise waiting for you around every corner. And did I mention it's extremely gory? There are many moments here that even *I* - with my iron-clad stomach - found pretty disgusting. The DVD - a nice and vibrant widescreen print with English subs - is from Celestial Pictures.

Director Chih-Hung Kuei made around 20 genre films for Shaw - including the entertaining nurses-in-prison flick BAMBOO HOUSE OF DOLLS (1974), a supernatural spin on Les Diaboliques called HEX (1980), the necrophile shocker CORPSE MANIA (1981) and the serpent revenge flick THE KILLER SNAKES (1975), one of his only films that was dubbed and made it to American theaters. The Boxer's Omen was the last film he ever made and was a nice way to go out.

★★★1/2

Dark Reel (2007)

Directed by:
Josh Eisenstadt

Sometime in the 1950s, struggling actress Scarlett May (Alexandra Holden) meets a talent scout from Spotlight National Films, who asks her if she'd like to do a screen test for their studio. She's lured to a warehouse and ends up starring in a snuff film instead, getting strangled and then dismembered before the cameras. 53 years later, Spotlight National is still an operating studio, churning out B-movie titles such as "Gnome Killer," "Nightmare Slasher" and "Snakes on a Crane." Horror fanboy Adam Waltz (Edward Furlong - looking a bit rough and pudgy here), who has just followed his bitchy débutante ex-girlfriend all the way from Virginia to Los Angeles, wins a one-line walk-on roll in the studio's latest effort "The Pirate Wench," where he quickly becomes affiliated with the (mostly self-absorbed) cast of crew. Soon after, a masked killer starts bumping people off who are in some way affiliated with the studio. Who is doing it? Why are they doing it? And how is this connected to the 1950s slaying?

This list of possible suspects and red herrings is about a mile long, but thankfully the majority of actors they cast do a pretty good job and are fun to watch. Lance Henriksen gives a typically strong showing as troubled studio head honcho Connor Pritchett, who equates the murder of a starlet with free publicity. Tiffany Shepis gives a very appealing performance as friendly horror movie queen Cassie Blue, and even somehow manages to have some decent romantic chemistry with her co-star. Tony Todd is fine as an intrusive detective (but unfortunately gets much of this film's worst dialogue), as are Emmanuel Xuereb as the studio's head of creative development and Jeffrey Vincent Parise as an arrogant and pretentious director. There's also veteran character actor Tracey Walter as an obnoxious tabloid journalist, Rena Riffel as Todd's partner, Whitby ("The Dream Child") Hertford, Mercedes McNab (from the TV shows "Angel" and "Buffy the Vampire Slayer") and some other familiar faces. Unfortunately, attempts at making some of these side characters quirky and original come off as obvious and embarrassing much of the time, such as a secretary who annoyingly mimics everything her boss says, a foul-mouthed sound man who screams all of his dialogue and a lead actor who has bad breath because of his obsessive onion eating.

The flaws certainly don't stop there. Toward the end (huge spoiler here so skip to the next paragraph if you don't wanna hear this) the film becomes sloppy and the revelation of the killer's identity is basically a huge cheat. While the 1950s killer is pretty obvious early on, the current killer (predictably the son of Scarlett May) is played by an actor who looks like he's about 35, yet is playing a character who is 53 or 54 years old. The scenes parodying low-budget horror / exploitation film-making aren't clever or funny enough to really add anything of value to this film. Another aspect that I didn't think really worked is how the ghost of Scarlett returns to try to help Furlong's character uncover the killer. Her image superimposed over the Pirate film footage looked hokey and wasn't even really necessary.

So while this is a highly flawed film (particularly in regards to the screenplay and grating comedy elements), it still managed to keep my interest for the most part thanks to some nice directorial touches, a pretty good Badalamenti-inspired music score and a decent cast. Also good are the cinematography and the killer's mask/disguise. Though there is a little blood/gore (mainly at the end) and nudity, there probably won't be nearly enough of either to please exploitation movie fans. The opening sequence, stylishly shot in black-and-white, is the best scene in the entire movie, and there's generally enough good here to make me want to see what else director Josh Eisenstadt may have up his sleeve.

★★