Day of a Thousand Screams (2012)

Directed by:
Ruben Rox

Slasher flicks have been in abundance since the late 70s. In the thirty-some years since HALLOWEEN (1978) it's become quite clear that most filmmakers weren't going to even bother deviating from the established formula. Day of a Thousand Screams actually does attempt something different. It's one part backwoods slasher and one part supernatural / ghost story, with an environmental message thrown in. Yes, environmental message. Please don't litter, and recycle, too, cause you never know when Mother Nature's gonna come after you. I won't mince words here: this film is strange. Very strange. There's even a quip at the beginning stating that it's "non-serious" and "disjointed." Disjointed is certainly an apt description for what you will see here, but I don't know about non-serious. The movie actually does seem to take itself rather seriously and doesn't seem overly comedic. It's certainly no spoof and I wouldn't even call it a horror-comedy despite some out-of-left-field in-jokes referencing other films. When one character mentions going to see a band called "Severe Face Damage," only a select few die-hard B-movie fans are going to be able to connect that to the Rick Sloane-directed POLICE ACADEMY knock-off VICE ACADEMY (1988).

Day begins in a picturesque National Park with a pair of female joggers; Betsy (Cara Mattern) and Dee Dee (Rachel Wise), running across mysterious, bearded, black-clad Carl Ziegler (David Hoffman). Ziegler promptly impales Dee Dee's hand with a stick before goring her forehead with it, sending Betsy running off in a panic. Meanwhile, a three-person TV crew consisting of nightly news reporter Natasha McGrath (Catherine Franklin), Natasha's personal assistant Olen (director / writer Ruben Rox) and cameraman Wade (Kyle Cardenas) show up to do some kind of Halloween story at a cemetery that they hope will be able to compete with rival reporter Matt Morbid's (Lucien Eisenach) ratings. Strangely, the two female joggers who had already been attacked and presumedly killed end up running across the crew as if nothing had happened. Was what we already saw a flash-forward? Actually, no. Well, maybe, yes. Well, sort of... I think. The whole group of people have become trapped in the woods in some kind of time warp where they're on a continuous loop to get attacked and killed over and over and over again by the same guy for what could be the rest of eternity. Hence, the thousand screams.

Not much is really answered in this vague film. Why this group of people? Is it because they simply all happen to be at the wrong place at the wrong time? Or becaue it's Halloween; a special day of evil? Personally, I didn't get that impression so much. Nearly everyone who is killed is seen at one point or another throwing garbage on the ground while the Ziegler character follows behind them and picks it up, so he's clearly angry they're nonchalantly mucking up a beautiful park. Speaking of the Ziegler character, he's completely ambiguous and given no backstory. Aside from being a caretaker, we have no clue who he is or even what he is. He seems to be a cross between Mother Nature and Father Time, and carries around a satchel whose contents we never see. Every once in awhile, he'll get a handful of white powder and blow into the air or onto people. I wasn't quite sure if the powder was used to stop time, repeat time, revive the dead so he can kill them all over again or what. At one point it seems like he has revived one of his victims as a zombie to kill another person, but since we only see a close-up of a mouth it is again difficult to tell. There's also the possibility that the forest (where strange noises and screams after often heard) has somehow possessed Ziegler, but that's just opening up another can o' worms.

All of the above happens to be just the first portion of the movie. The Olen character manages to get out of the forest time trap, though it's not explained how he was able to accomplish such. Perhaps because he didn't litter? Olen returns home and a month passes. We then see him go through his everyday routine. He reads the Terror on Tape book (hey, I have that one too!), eats, watches a horror movie (which seems to be clips from another of the director / star's films), sweeps the kitchen, takes out the trash and runs on the treadmill. He seems to be haunted by ghosts, though we never get to actually see them. Every so often he'll look off to the side and scream. Finally he has a nasty encounter with a broken VHS tape. These concluding scenes seem grafted on to the original film (which doesn't appear to have been completed) to boost up the running time. They also mark an abrupt drop in quality from the first portion. The woods scenes feature semi-decent DSLR outdoor photography (courtesy Alex Williams) with a very nice faded look (probably added during post-production), while the later indoor scenes seem shot with a lower grade camera and are dark and grainy. This actually works fairly well stylistically.

Because it is mostly set in some kind of constantly-repeating time warp, a nonexistent continuity creating a constant confusion and disorientation can almost get a pass here, though it clearly could have been rendered in a smoother fashion. Scenes are repeated. Scenes are put in slow motion. Scenes are repeated and put in slow motion. Many viewers are probably going to be confused, but the open-ended storyline - with plenty of room for viewer interpretation - will engage others. The music is pretty good, it makes great use of some picturesque Oregon locations and possesses some interest for a surrealism that from all indications was accidentally achieved. And hey, at least it's a little different from the norm.

* I viewed a workprint version of the film and will make adjustments to the review if necessary upon seeing the finished cut.

★★

Mo (1983)

... aka: 魔
... aka: Boxer's Omen, The
... aka: Demon

Directed by:
Chih-Hung Kuei

If you want to see pure insanity captured on film, make sure to check this one out. A championship boxing match between a Hong Kong and a Thai boxer gets ugly when the losing Thai fighter, Ba Bo (Bolo Yeung), administers a post-match kick to the back of the winner's neck, fracturing his spine and paralyzing him for life. The injured boxer's brother Hung Chan (Philip Ko Fei) is almost killed by the evil fighter's gang of thugs that night but is saved by the ghost of a monk and later visited in his apartment by the same ghost and a floating upside-down "V" emblem. Upon a trip to the hospital to visit his injured sibling, Hung learns of his brother's wish: He wants to be avenged. Hung then travels to Thailand, challenges Ba Bo to a match that's to take place in three months time and then, on his way out, recognizes the golden "^" he'd seen floating in his apartment above a temple. There, he learns that there's another reason fate has brought him to Thailand other than to avenge his brother. Apparently he's living a parallel life to Abbot Qing Zhao, who was his twin in a past life... and has been dead for a year. The only reason Hung himself isn't also dead is because the monk was on the verge of achieving immortality and his body is still well preserved... at least for the time being.

Flashbacks reveal what happened to Abbot Zhao the year prior. He had gone to Hong Kong to battle an emissary of evil and managed to kill the guy (making him rapidly age to death) and captured a bat that climbed out of his mouth. The man he killed was just an underling for a more powerful, even more evil sorcerer and a battle of magic ensued. Said battle involved chanting, smoke, snakes and reanimated bat skeletons. The evil sorcerer milks three cobras, cracks open a worm-covered skull, mixes the venom in with the brain matter and then lets some rather plush-looking tarantulas suck up the mixture. Later that night, he snuck into the temple, scaled the walls and sent two of the spiders onto the sleeping Abbot. They bit him on the eyeballs and he eventually died. When Hung returns to his hotel room to let all of this soak in and contemplate it his next, he ends up getting sick and vomits up a live eel. Seeing as how he's on borrowed time as is, Hung decides to get more in touch with his spiritual side.

Hung shaves his head, changes him name to Kaidi Baluo and goes through monk training. He learns endurance by being forced to stand in a lake full of leeches and is put in a large clay pot where the words inscribes on the inside bleed over onto his body. To complete his indoctrination, he takes an oath to defeat all evil, follow the laws of Buddha and then must swear off gambling, killing, sex and money for the rest of his life. Almost immediately, the evil sorcerer who had killed Abbot Qing shows up to challenge Hung by cutting the head off a chicken, shaking the blood all over some crocodile skulls and then sending an army of bats after him. Through prayer, Hung is able to create a force field that protects him while the bats burst into flames. Hung is also able to ward off animated skulls. The evil sorcerer eats chicken intestines, pukes them up and then eats the puke, creates a green alien-looking monster and then detaches his own head. Hung is able to defeat and kill the sorcerer and thus release both Abbot Qing and himself from the curse.

Hung returns to Hong Kong and, having apparently decided not to stick to the same tenants of Buddhism he used to save his ass when he needed it, immediately gets down with his girlfriend in the shower. He then decides to go through with the match against Thai boxer Ba Bo and defeats him. Back in Thailand, the evil isn't extinguished quite yet as some other followers of the "Lord of the Dark" are busy at work. They kill a crocodile, gut it and place a female mummy inside. To resurrect her they chew up banana peels, decomposed bird and a chicken's tail (cut off a live chicken), then puke it up onto a plate and pass it to the next guy who then puts the regurgitated mixture into his mouth, chews and pukes it up again and finally feed it to the woman, bringing her to life. She uses her razor fingernails to poke the eyeballs out of a picture of Hung. After going temporarily blind and realizing evil is conspiring against him yet again, Hung (who has lost all of his powers for breaking the rules) learns he has just a few weeks left to live unless he can locate a Buddhist artifact (the Golden Ashes) in Nepal.

Hampered somewhat by inadequate characterizations and a frequently confusing storyline (which settles down fairly nicely by the finale), this is still one of the best of the Shaw Brothers horror productions I've seen. Visually, it's eye-filling, extremely colorful and quite astonishing, with outstanding art direction, great cinematography and kaleidoscopic lighting. It's also one of the most invigoratingly imaginative films out there, with a new surprise waiting for you around every corner. And did I mention it's extremely gory? There are many moments here that even *I* - with my iron-clad stomach - found pretty disgusting. The DVD - a nice and vibrant widescreen print with English subs - is from Celestial Pictures.

Director Chih-Hung Kuei made around 20 genre films for Shaw - including the entertaining nurses-in-prison flick BAMBOO HOUSE OF DOLLS (1974), a supernatural spin on Les Diaboliques called HEX (1980), the necrophile shocker CORPSE MANIA (1981) and the serpent revenge flick THE KILLER SNAKES (1975), one of his only films that was dubbed and made it to American theaters. The Boxer's Omen was the last film he ever made and was a nice way to go out.

★★★1/2

Dark Reel (2007)

Directed by:
Josh Eisenstadt

Sometime in the 1950s, struggling actress Scarlett May (Alexandra Holden) meets a talent scout from Spotlight National Films, who asks her if she'd like to do a screen test for their studio. She's lured to a warehouse and ends up starring in a snuff film instead, getting strangled and then dismembered before the cameras. 53 years later, Spotlight National is still an operating studio, churning out B-movie titles such as "Gnome Killer," "Nightmare Slasher" and "Snakes on a Crane." Horror fanboy Adam Waltz (Edward Furlong - looking a bit rough and pudgy here), who has just followed his bitchy débutante ex-girlfriend all the way from Virginia to Los Angeles, wins a one-line walk-on roll in the studio's latest effort "The Pirate Wench," where he quickly becomes affiliated with the (mostly self-absorbed) cast of crew. Soon after, a masked killer starts bumping people off who are in some way affiliated with the studio. Who is doing it? Why are they doing it? And how is this connected to the 1950s slaying?

This list of possible suspects and red herrings is about a mile long, but thankfully the majority of actors they cast do a pretty good job and are fun to watch. Lance Henriksen gives a typically strong showing as troubled studio head honcho Connor Pritchett, who equates the murder of a starlet with free publicity. Tiffany Shepis gives a very appealing performance as friendly horror movie queen Cassie Blue, and even somehow manages to have some decent romantic chemistry with her co-star. Tony Todd is fine as an intrusive detective (but unfortunately gets much of this film's worst dialogue), as are Emmanuel Xuereb as the studio's head of creative development and Jeffrey Vincent Parise as an arrogant and pretentious director. There's also veteran character actor Tracey Walter as an obnoxious tabloid journalist, Rena Riffel as Todd's partner, Whitby ("The Dream Child") Hertford, Mercedes McNab (from the TV shows "Angel" and "Buffy the Vampire Slayer") and some other familiar faces. Unfortunately, attempts at making some of these side characters quirky and original come off as obvious and embarrassing much of the time, such as a secretary who annoyingly mimics everything her boss says, a foul-mouthed sound man who screams all of his dialogue and a lead actor who has bad breath because of his obsessive onion eating.

The flaws certainly don't stop there. Toward the end (huge spoiler here so skip to the next paragraph if you don't wanna hear this) the film becomes sloppy and the revelation of the killer's identity is basically a huge cheat. While the 1950s killer is pretty obvious early on, the current killer (predictably the son of Scarlett May) is played by an actor who looks like he's about 35, yet is playing a character who is 53 or 54 years old. The scenes parodying low-budget horror / exploitation film-making aren't clever or funny enough to really add anything of value to this film. Another aspect that I didn't think really worked is how the ghost of Scarlett returns to try to help Furlong's character uncover the killer. Her image superimposed over the Pirate film footage looked hokey and wasn't even really necessary.

So while this is a highly flawed film (particularly in regards to the screenplay and grating comedy elements), it still managed to keep my interest for the most part thanks to some nice directorial touches, a pretty good Badalamenti-inspired music score and a decent cast. Also good are the cinematography and the killer's mask/disguise. Though there is a little blood/gore (mainly at the end) and nudity, there probably won't be nearly enough of either to please exploitation movie fans. The opening sequence, stylishly shot in black-and-white, is the best scene in the entire movie, and there's generally enough good here to make me want to see what else director Josh Eisenstadt may have up his sleeve.

★★

Decoys (2003)

Directed by:
Matthew Hastings

At St. John's College, in a small snowy Canadian town, all the male students are foaming at the mouth over a slew of spanking new blonde, buxom and beautiful party-hearty hotties over at the Phil Beta Omega sorority house. Unfortunately for them, the ladies actually turn out to be scaly alien creatures in disguise who thrive on cold temperatures and male DNA, which they extract with blood-sucking tentacles that come out of their chests. As victims begin popping up ("frozen from the inside out"), a freshman student (Corey Sevier) discovers their secret and must convince a disbelieving pair of detectives (Richard Burgi and Nicole Eggert), his pretty tomboy friend (Meghan Ory) and his virginal roommate (Elias Toufexis) what's really going on. Their weakness is fire, which leads to a finale with our distraught hero raiding the sorority house and going on a flame-thrower rampage.

Decoys has a pretty entertaining and amusing first two-thirds, but it severely slips up near the end when it becomes a little more serious than its silly premise can believably accommodate. And there's an irritating non-ending to contend with as well, but the special effects are passable, there are a few genuine laughs and the cast does a pretty good job. Best of all is Kim Poirier, whom you may remember as the girl who got that nasty chainsaw death in the DAWN OF THE DEAD remake (2004). That film wasn't much of a showcase for the actress, but here she gets the chance to shine playing one of the seductive aliens. Just watching her go from an ice cream cone-licking seductress to a more emotional being when she warms up to one of the guys, you can see she has enough range and sex appeal to go far in Hollywood given the right breaks come her way. And though Sevier overdoes it a bit near the end, he probably has a bright future ahead of himself, as well.

Apparently, this was a theatrical release in Canada and a very limited big screen release in the U.S. before heading to video and TV.

★★1/2

Chupacabra Terror (2005)

... aka: Chupacabra: Dark Sees

Directed by:
John Shepphird

Here's another by-the-numbers SyFy Channel "original" (mahaha!) movie. Dr. Pena (Giancarlo Esposito), a "crypto-zoologist" (fancy term for one of those self-deluded losers who likes to study extremely rare - read: nonexistent - animals) and his crew of hunters manage to trap a Chupacabra, a big, scaly, elusive fast-moving beast. To get it to the mainland, they smuggle it on a Grecian cruise ship and some idiots open up the crate containing it despite being told specifically not to. I guess the strange growling noises coming from inside weren't a good enough deterrent either. The monster then does the monster thang; running around biting chunks out of various passengers until the ship's captain (John Rhys-Davies), a square-jawed special agent pretending to be an insurance salesman for some reason (Dylan Neal), a squeaky-voiced blonde Tai Bo instructor (Chelan Simmons), a bunch of guys with machine guns and others try to stop it. The main victims (who I think are supposed to be the comic relief but it's hard to tell) are an old rich bitch (Paula Shaw) with a yippy terrier and a snobby effete gold-digger (David Millbern). Apparently the monster can be knocked out with a single tranquilizer dart, but can live through dozens of bullet hits. The Chupacabra design is acceptable though unoriginal, but the rest of the movie is devoid of suspense, surprise or interest.

I had originally written this review back in 2005 and had ended it with the following sentence: "The Sci-Fi Channel have made dozens of movies just like this with nearly interchangeable characters and plots, but with slight alterations on the creature. Enough already!" Apparently it wasn't even close to "enough already" for the channel as they've made at least 100 almost identical movies since then, and they've gotten even worse with the inclusion of self-aware humor about how stupid they are.

★1/2

Bachelor Party in the Bungalow of the Damned (2008)

Directed by:
Brian Thomson

Chuck's (Joseph Riker) about to get married to Michelle (Trina Analee) in a few days. His cousin Sammy (Gregg Aaron Greenberg) is put in charge of throwing the bachelor party and gets in contact with a former high school acquaintance - the uptight Gordon (Joe Testa) - who allows them, along with their pals Paulie (Sean Parker) and Fish (Gelu Dan Rusu), to use his uncle's bungalow in the Hampton's as long as they don't trash the place. Three mysterious, leather-clad strippers (Zoe Hunter, Monique Dupree and Kaitlyn Gutkes) show up for the evening's entertainment, drag three of the men into bedrooms and soon reveal themselves to be some kind of vampire-demon-succubi creatures who feast on human flesh. Two of the five men are quickly killed, Chuck is transformed into an undead vampire and Sammy must try to straighten things out before Michelle shows up to share some important news with her future husband.

A low-budget effort, for sure, but debuting director Brian Thomson (who also wrote, produced and edited) actually does a fairly good job working within his budget range (10 thousand dollars) and giving anyone apt to even rent a title like this in the first place exactly what they want to see. The film is well-paced and, though a bit too dark at times, decently shot for the digital medium. The running time of 77 minutes is about right. There's comedy (some amusing, some not so much), the dialogue isn't nearly as bad as one might expect, characters are drawn fairly well, the cast is appealing for the most part (Greenberg in particular shows real promise) and there's plenty of nudity provided by B-movie Scream Queens Hunter and Dupree. The ending (which utilizes some flashbacks) is also well done. The lynch pin here are some awful, laughable CGI effects, which take it down a notch or two.

Overall, it's a pretty fun way to spend an hour or so of your time, but only if you enjoy these low-budget B-movies. As long as your not expecting deep, life altering cinema (and who would, based on that title?) and can accept this on its own terms, you should have a pretty good time.

★★

Bloody Murder 2: Closing Camp (2002)

... aka: Bloody Murder 2
... aka: Halloween Camp
... aka: Halloween Camp: Trevor vs. Jason

Directed by:
Rob Spera

Well, it's an improvement, I guess. Then again, saying this movie is better than the first is like saying Son-In-Law is a better Pauly Shore movie than Jury Duty. It's still pretty awful. Whiny blonde virgin Tracy (Katy Woodruff) takes a job as a camp counselor at Camp Placid Pines, where her brother Jason (Tyler Sedustine) had disappeared five years earlier. Smart move there, sister! Aside from being plagued by bad dreams and having to fend off the annoying sexual advances of her impatient horn dog boyfriend Mike (Kelly Gunning), she and the others end up being stalked and killed off one by one by someone disguised as famous local masked murderer Trevor Moorehouse. They should have listened to Juanita the cook, who lives in such fear of the local urban legend that she waits three days before the camp closes to high tail it outta there.

First of all, Part II is better than the first film and three-fourths of the entertainment value is contributed by then-up-and-coming Scream Queen Tiffany Shepis, who easily gives the best acting performance and provides all of the film's nudity (in the shower, in a car, in the woods…). Unlike the original BLOODY MURDER (2000), this one actually delivers some gore. We get legs cut off, a head smashed with a rock, a chainsaw through a stomach, an arrow through a neck, a head split open with a machete and more. But Tiffany and the gore cannot make one overlook the awful acting and horrid script, which includes some stupid SCREAM-inspired dialog (the black character talking about how he'll get killed first) and tries to put blame on obvious sources (the camp owner, the horny boyfriend, etc.) before pulling the identity of the mystery killer out of thin air at the end. Ugh. Talk about a cheat.

★1/2