Derechos and Updates

I was at work last Friday, early evening, when the power suddenly went out. A few minutes later, some brief rain showers and those massive 90+ mph winds blew right through in a period of just about 30 or so minutes, uprooting some whole trees, ripping shingles off of roofs and sending tons of tree limbs of various sizes crashing to the ground. Not too upset about the prospect of leaving work three hours early, I headed home at around dusk and expected the power to come back on soon enough like it usually does. Four days later, I was still waiting... Ironically, despite this problem being caused by rain and unexpectedly strong winds (classed a "derecho"), we didn't get any more rain or wind that could have conceivably helped to cool things down from then on out.

The day after the storm, I ventured out early to grab a few much-needed supplies only to find out that just two local gas stations (with generators) were opened. Both were sold out of ice, nearly sold out of all batteries, drink and food - there wasn't even a crumb left in the Krispy Kreme display - and had a several hour wait on getting gasoline, which one station had hiked up to 5.50 a gallon. While some fled town and drove hours away to find a hotel (many of which also reportedly upped their prices) or stay with a friend or family member, I decided to just tough it out in my home with water, limited food, a handful of candles and a few little LCD lights. I had plenty of yard work (disassembling an old greenhouse I was no longer using, planting grass seed, touch-up painting) I'd procrastinated on to help me through the days and a handful of books I was planning on reading anyway to get me through the nights. As a few days passed I also had a refrigerator and freezer to clean out, which was a huge pain in the ass considering I'd just stocked up at the store and had 130 dollars worth of Schwan's frozen food products spoiling in the freezer. By the end of the power outage, my entire neighborhood was actually starting to smell just like rotten food!

While I admittedly did miss my lights, computer, ability to watch movies and other perks dearly, the absolute worst part was the heat. Nearly every day the temperatures exceeded 100 degrees and nearly every night it was in the high 80s and extremely humid. Despite leaving all of my windows and doors open throughout the day, my home was so hot and stuffy my glasses fogged up simply from sitting still inside. And I'd toss and turn for hours in bed trying to go to sleep, drenched in sweat most of the time and hoping for a cooling gust of wind through my open window that never seemed to come. It wasn't a fun experience in the least, but I kept reminding myself how good I had it compared to what those poor people hit by Hurricane Katrina had to endure during that fiasco. Or how good I had it compared to what billions of people have to endure on a daily basis all around the world.

Going through the discomfort I and many others did, absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things, is a nice reminder to not take things for granted and be appreciative of what you do have: Wake up calls are always welcome, even when they come from an unexpected source. It can also nice to be away from modern conveniences for a few days and be more frugal and resourceful. I sat for hours in the evenings on the front porch every night during the outage. My neighborhood was extremely dark, extremely quiet and extremely still; there was no wind and no noise and no distraction whatsoever, which is so uncommon in our daily lives that it's almost something to be cherished.

So while absolutely none of that has anything to do with The Bloody Pit of Horror, I felt like writing it all the same. I plan on getting back to the review grind Monday evening after work and even dug out a few appropriate titles (THE ICEBOX MURDERS and SCREAMS OF A WINTER NIGHT) to counteract the week I've just had. I'm also in the process of expanding my scope to include a section on 1991-2012 independent films and B-movies here and am working on a few lists to add to the sidebar as well and hope to get that stuff up in the next few weeks. So hope everyone has a great weekend. I'm due for a night out on the town Saturday and if I have as much fun as I should have, I forsee a gallon of OJ, a bottle of ibuprofen and about 16 hours of sleep on Sunday.

November Son (2008)

... aka: October Moon 2
... aka: October Moon 2: November Son
... aka: November Sun

Directed by:
Jason Paul Collum

There are so many horrible homemade horror movies being released these days that most people are understandably discouraged about checking out films they've never heard of before. Can't say that I blame them since most of these are awful, amateurish excuses to showcase cheap gore effects and brain dead comedy. Trying to find something else is like trying to find a needle in a haystack, and that's why I personally feel that writer / director Jason Paul Collum is one of the more promising directors working in independent horror today. His films are wholly centered around the characters. They deal with how secrets, repression and past demons can come back to haunt people. They deal with prejudice and homophobia, and how traditional small town morals and values can destroy families, relationships and lives. The events that transpire in his films often have a rippling effect that touches even the secondary characters who inhabit the stifling small Midwest town where his films are set.

November Son is a follow up to 2005's OCTOBER MOON. If you plan on watching November, I strongly recommend viewing the other beforehand since events and characters from the first spill into the second.

The film opens with Jake (Jeff Dylan Graham) - whose boyfriend Corin (Sean Michael Lambrecht) fell victim to sexually repressed and mentally unstable Elliot (Jerod Howard) in the previous film - hanging himself. With the apartment now vacant, Eli (Sacha Sacket), who has just moved from Hollywood to the same small Wisconsin town, rents out the place and almost immediately finds himself entangled in Corin's past life and past relationships. His gay friendly "fruit fly" landlord Maggie (Darcey Vanderhoef) - a best friend of Jake's - instantly takes to him and decides to take it upon himself to show him around. Eli ends up getting a job as a photographer with a local magazine run by repressed Emily Hamilton (NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD's Judith O'Dea), Elliot's spinster mother, whose unflinchingly negative attitude toward her son's sexuality in the first film was a chief ingredient to the tragedy that ensued. Eli's controlling and very negative father George (Lloyd Pedersen) shows up in town, and starts dating Corin's former coworker Nancy (Brinke Stevens). Eli's estranged mother Hillary (Debbie Rochon) and Elliot's former fiancé Marti (Tina Ona Paukstelis) also pop in to add extra complications. Eventually, strange things begin to happen and characters start disappearing one by one.

Sound complicated? It IS complicated. There's enough going on here to fuel a daytime soap for about a month. There seems to be a recurring theme about redemption here. Emotionally-unstable Emily is at the point of unraveling at any moment, but seems to want redemption for the way she treated her son by taking Eli under her wing. Hillary seems to want redemption for never being there when her son needed her, though she all but refuses to accept her son's sexuality. And Eli himself wants a fresh start by running away from his former life (and the problems he was facing) in California.

The film is far from perfect. It's extremely talky, which personally doesn't bother me a whole lot, but still much can be said in ways that don't need to be delivered via dialogue. The ending - which unveils surprises about several key characters - is also something of a mess. As I noticed with October Moon, the dramatic aspects that fill the majority of the film are far better staged, written and presented than the action / terror-oriented scenes at the conclusion, which are a bit sloppy. The acting is pretty spotty throughout, but most of the major roles are adequately performed. O'Dea is outstanding in her role (which is more fleshed out than it was in the first film) and this is easily the best film role she's had to date. Famous Scream Queen Stevens had made a career in the 80s and 90s by doing T&A heavy horror, but shows she's more than up to task playing non-exploitative character parts nowadays. Vanderhoef, Robyn Griggs (in a minor role as Emily's blonde, busty, cleavage-sporting secretary) and a couple of others are bright additions to the cast. Sacket, all white smiles, blue eyes and sculpted abs, was OK but lacked the necessary gravitas to pull off the role he was given, though he was tolerable for the most part (especially considering this is his first film). He also contributes an excellent song to the soundtrack that makes one suspect that his music career is also worth checking out.

★★1/2

Bikini Bloodbath (2006)

... aka: Bikini Blood Bath

Directed by:
Jonathan Gorman
Thomas Edward Seymour

Like it or not, there's no doubt that the 1982 slasher movie THE SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE went on to influence many films over the years. It was followed by at least two official sequels, a sort-of third sequel called CHEELEADER MASSACRE (2003), a truly terrible direct-to-video, shot-on-video rip-off called THE LAST SLUMBER PARTY (1987) and probably also led to the somewhat similar SORORITY HOUSE MASSACRE series, as well as the spin-offs that series created, such as 1990's HARD TO DIE. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. It's easy to see why this concept caught on. When you get together a group of high school/college aged girls, put them in a house and throw in a killer, audiences are almost guaranteed plenty of the two most important ingredients in exploitation-horror; boobs and blood. The movies themselves can be produced rather cheaply and because of their popularity on DVD and late night cable, they probably always turn a profit. And that leads us to the newest installment in the half-naked-babes-in-a-house-with-a-killer subgenre, Bikini Bloodbath; a goofy parody of the 'slumber/sorority' films, complete with direct references to those earlier films. Was it needed? Not really. Many of the earlier films were already pretty self-aware of what they were, took a lighthearted approach and were already too busy poking fun at themselves to really require someone else to step in later and do it again. That's not to say this one is completely without merit. It's pretty amusing at times.

Cheaply shot on video in Connecticut, this one begins with girls in gym class followed by girls in the shower. Adding a welcome bit of early relief is an appearance from the always-welcome Debbie Rochon, who milks every last laugh out of her lip-licking lesbian gym coach character. The ladies discuss their upcoming sleepover party and give the cold shoulder to a nerdy girl named "Smelly Suzy." One of the girls is attacked in a graveyard while walking home, a bum is killed and someone breaks into Rochon's home and offs her too. Six of the girls make it to the party. They talk. The blow up balloons. They make strawberry daiquiris. They dance. They play twister. They hop in the hot tub and drink and talk some more. Two guys show up. And then the psycho (a bald, goateed guy dressed in a chef's outfit) pops in to kill them all off. Some of the gags / lines work and some don't. The film unfortunately cuts away from the main action to a gathering of touchy-feely football jocks who keep grabbing each other's butts and dancing in long montages (insert FLASHDANCE and FOOTLOOSE in jokes). There's a lot up in the air sexuality in this film. Not only Rochon's character, but most of the guys seem to be into other guys, the male coach (played by PSYCHOS IN LOVE star Carmine Capobianco) is into guys, two girls make out in the hot tub, etc. That aspect was kind of interesting, at least.

There's not much gore here and what there is is of the ketchup bottle variety. So be warned, the horror scenes themselves are pretty skimpy. Just about every girl has a topless scene and spends the majority of the movie in a bikini so that aspect is fulfilled for the target audience. The picture quality and sound are acceptable for the budget. Unfortunately, like many films in this budget range, this suffers a LOT from time padding. It seems a lot of independent horror directors these days rely far too heavily on dull, needless filler to bump their film to just an hour in length. I've seen movies with thirty second shots of trees and movies with three minutes shots of someone walking in a field. This one has multiple needless scenes like this. They are usually quickly edited, though, and some of them are at least set to different rock songs. Some of those songs aren't even bad. One very important thing this movie does have is enthusiasm. The cast look like they're having a pretty good time, so if you can turn your brain off for an hour or so, you might too.

★★

Dismal (2009)

... aka: Bleed

Directed by:
Gary King

dis·mal (dzml) adj. 1. Causing gloom or depression; dreary. 2. Characterized by ineptitude, dullness, or a lack of merit. 3. Obsolete; dreadful; disastrous.

I think they had definition #2 in mind when they were making this one.

Mild-mannered teaching assistant Curt (Tim Morris) decides to take four biology students deep into Dismal Swamp to do some kind of research for extra credit. Squeamish Dana (Lydia Chandler) needs the points or else she'll fail and decides to go despite the fact her obnoxious frat jock boyfriend Brady (Brent Lovell) wants her to go to a keg party instead. Also coming along are Shelly (Capel Kane) and Gary (Will Triplett), who have a long-standing crush on one another, and Jamal (Jade Arnold), who brings along his sexpot girlfriend Eve (Meagan Reedy, who provides some T&A). The six arrive at their location and pitch their tents, the standard POV "someone's watching" camera-work kicks in and the film then basically spends the rest of its scant 79 minute run time poorly trying to copy THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE. After about half of them are killed (via hook, bear traps and club), the survivors are captured, dragged back to a shack, chained up and have to endure an over-the-top redneck cannibal family who threaten to kill and eat them. Said family includes patriarch Dale (Bill Oberst Jr.) and a retarded giant that the credits refer to as "Idiot" (Jack Harrison), plus a surprise member hidden amongst the research group.

Though not the absolute worst of its type, there's still next to nothing to actually recommend here, especially for seasoned horror fans who have seen this same exact material countless times before. Aside from the general lack of originality, the acting is mediocre, the (digital) cinematography is murky, there's almost no directorial style to speak of and many of the price-cutting CGI effects (including blood splats, a trail of fire, a body sliced in half and an explosion) are completely laughable.

★1/2

Platoon of the Dead (2009)

Directed by:
John Bowker

I'm a huge zombie movie fan always on the lookout for some unexpected hidden gem. This is not one of those. In fact, it's awful! Set sometime in the near future, the world has apparently been overrun by zombies and there's some kind of war going on between humans (who use some kind of advanced laser gun that dissolves zombies) and an intelligent and evolved "platoon of the dead" zombie army (who use a special laser gun that stuns people). Since this is a low scale, no budget flick shot on a low grade digital camera, the "war" basically amounts to a couple of guys dressed in camouflage running around in the woods. The most zombies ever seen on-screen at a single time is about six and that's at the very end of the film, so no actual threat for humankind is ever adequately established.

Inept, cowardly young soldier Private Dillon (Tyler David), obnoxious, sadistic Sergeant Butler (Tom Stedham) and their level-headed superior Lt. Roberts (Chris Keown) are the only three survivors after their squad is ambushed by the zombie soldiers. The three end up at a remote country home and discover three women; Heather (Ariana Albright), mute Jill (Amanda Bounds) and slutty Stacy (Michelle Mahoney), are hiding out there. The ladies behave strangely and secretive, but allow the guys to spend the night in exchange for an escort to a military safe point the next morning. Despite the war angle, it amounts to little more than yet another substandard revisit to NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD territory but with the addition of some silly supernatural elements that don't come into play until the last 20 minutes. Usually a virus or scientific experiment gone awry gets the blame for zombie epidemics in these kind of movies, but here one of the characters claims it happened because of a OUIJA board (!?) Toward the end it's also revealed that someone is a demon and someone else is a savior the zombies want to protect and we quickly watch as something cheap and badly made becomes even worse by becoming something cheap, badly made and needlessly muddled.

The acting here is truly abysmal, even for the budget. Of the six main actors, only two of them are passable and one of those two is the mute girl. There seems to be an attempt at dry humored dialogue but none of the cast members are talented enough to deliver it for the desired effect. Not only is the acting and much of dialogue awful, but the film doesn't have nearly enough action (there's way too much talking), the characters do extremely idiotic things throughout (instead of locking a door they just let a zombie come inside and then scurry around the house looking for a hiding place!) and the presentation of the special effects (from the zombie designs to the laughable computer fx) is extremely weak. It's basically just an amateurish waste of time.

★

Sisterhood, The (2004)

... aka: Pledge of Evil
... aka: Sisterhood: Pledge of Evil, The

Directed by:
David DeCoteau

Director DeCoteau started out as a solid low-budget B-movie director with many fun genre credits to him name from the mid-80s until about the late 90s. Nowadays he has emerged as one of the worst and laziest "directors" working today in any genre, and it has nothing to do with his movies usually containing homoerotism and having guys run around in their matching boxer briefs. Remember... anyone in tight black underwear is satanic and evil and want to suck out your blood / soul... such deep symbolism here). I just sat through The Sisterhood to give him his fair shakes since I try to watch every horror movie I can and this one had the talented Barbara (FROM BEYOND, RE-ANIMATOR) Crampton in it (I had previously been sucked in to the world of DeCoteau thanks to Linnea Quigley, Adrienne Barbeau and several other actresses I typically enjoy). Sadly, Like nearly everything else the director has done the past ten years, it's the pits.

The paper thin plot involves lesbian vampires on a college campus. But never has a parade of hot young babes ("actresses" if you want) running around dressed in bras, panties and bikinis been so boring. The movie has no plot, no gore, no nudity and the dialog is ridiculous and seems like they made it up as they go along. Parts are put in slow-motion and repeated many times to push the running time up. About ten minutes of this one consists of characters just walking around on campus (oh, the excitement!) that looks more like a hotel resort than any college I've ever been to. And the acting is the absolute worst. The only thing these girls do well is lean forward and bend over to show off their bodies. The cast were so devoid of talent that I'd be shocked to see any of them get a one-day walk-on role on Passions in the future. Ditto for the guys. Yeah DeCoteau squeezed more hot guys in underwear in this one, too... Guys who should be in some K-Mart brochure instead of trying to act. Do these people actually have to audition or just show up in Dave's office and take their clothes off? I think the answer is obvious.

I am willing to give any movie a chance if 1.) it's intelligently written, well directed, original and competently acted (or hell, even ambitious and stylish)... Or 2.) it is chock full of gore, nudity, assorted trashiness and/or unintentional humor. David DeCoteau's movies deliver NONE of that and they do it on better-than-usual production values for direct-to-video flicks. What a waste! So what is the appeal, especially with the advent of porn of the soft- and hard-core variety that's easily accessible to anyone with a computer? I simply cannot answer that.

DeCoteau is a gay horror director and could use his resources to put a unique spin on the genre. Instead, he produces mind-numbing drivel without an ounce of talent or intelligence shining through. Ironically, when you think about it, his films are anything BUT pro-gay. They actually make homosexuality seem seedy, secretive and sinister. The obviously gay characters in his films are always trying to corrupt, seduce and/or kill off the innocent, sexually-confused leads. There's no shading here to make things interesting. The protagonists are naive and seldom prove themselves to be strong, assertive or confident in who they are. I would understand this plotting if Jerry Falwell, Fred Phelps or Dr. Laura starting making direct-to-video horror films, but from a gay director, it just goes to show that he puts almost no thought into these beefcake cheese-fests.

★

Something to Scream About (2003)

Directed by:
Jason Paul Collum

Finally a documentary about low-budget horror / exploitation actresses done right. Filmmaker Jason Paul Collum seems more interested in painting an honest picture of the fringe industry, warts and all, and the women who populate it, than doing a simple sugar-coated love letter to the B-movie genre. Part of his success lies in the fact that he seems more interested in exploring the minds and opinions of his interview subjects than their bodies (a place where many other supposed documentaries and genre magazines fail to go). Nine women are interviewed here; from those whose genre career is limited to one or two films to those who are genre mainstays with considerable cult followings. Brinke Stevens is the perfect hostess for this (she also hosted the genre documentary MONSTER & MANIACS back in 1988, as well as the 1990-91 SHOCK CINEMA series) and does her job on a simple set with posters from films featuring the interview subjects. The photography, editing and sound are all very good as the ladies tackle such subjects as racism, sexism, fans, conventions, image, stereotyping, self-image and aging.

I was glad to see veteran Judith O'Dea (Barbara from the touchstone horror classic NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD) here. She talked with fondness about her NOTLD cult success, the conventions, fans and her stage work and came off as smart, sophisticated, poignant and grateful; a total delight (with an infectious smile). I am happy to see that Judith will be seen in a few new genre pictures, as well. I was also taken back by Ariauna Albright. I'm not well versed in her work or Ariauna as a person, but she was well worth getting to know. She is a great conversationalist; subdued, mature, intelligent, witty, interesting and very knowledgeable about the genre. I plan on seeking out some of her work now. Denice Duff talks about getting started in the business, her cult following after her stint on the SUBSPECIES series and says "We're not in it for the cash, we're in it for the joy." Felissa Rose talks a lot about SLEEPAWAY CAMP, of course, but also about how her Italian background has given her limited mainstream opportunity (a big defense for the independent film community, who welcomed her back with open arms). Lesser known actresses like Debra DeLiso (SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE, ICED) and Brandy Burkett (SPM3) seem like an odd choice for this documentary at first (one wonders where Michelle Bauer, Linda Blair and Linnea Quigley were when this was being filmed), but once they start talking you see why Collum chose them. They are both knowledgeable and insightful enough to hold their own against the better-known actresses. Gravel-voiced B star (and former professional dominatrix) Lilith Stabs, who's been in more genre films than DeLiso and Burkett combined, was the least visible of the ladies.

My two favorite interview subjects, by far, were Debbie Rochon and Julie Strain. Debbie comes off as intelligent, thoughtful, highly animated (she likes to play with her hair and often seems like she's about to jump out of her seat) and obviously loves acting and says she does what she does for two reasons; the fans and the creative love of the medium. She also has great and well-thought out insights about screen nudity, foreign film actresses vs. American actresses, what a "Scream Queen" really is, how she has to constantly work (25 films in a year!) just to pay the bills and many other subjects. Julie Strain is a very candid person, so I enjoyed listening to her as well. She's funny, knowing, bluntly honesty about her image, her plastic surgery, her skin cancer and her career, frustrated with the industry yet able to look back at it all with a sense of humor... It's amazing seeing a three-dimensional person you almost always see on screen in a one-dimensional stereotype.

There are plenty of stills and great movie clips from films like TERROR FIRMER, SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE, NOWHERE MAN, BLOODLETTING, NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, HELLBLOCK 13, VAMPIRE RESURRECTION and many other films. There are also several different DVD versions to chose from. The one I saw had many extras, including the short JULIA WEPT from Jason Paul Collum, an interview with Brinke and a featurette "Introducing Lizzy Strain." Another version pairs this with the 1990 documentary SHOCK CINEMA (also hosted by Ms. Stevens). It also pops up in the wee hours of the night on Showtime every once in awhile.

★★★