Devil Times Five (1974)

... aka: Horrible House on the Hill, The
... aka: People Toys
... aka: Tantrums

Directed by:
Sean MacGregor
David Sheldon (uncredited)
Sandra Lee Blowitz (uncredited)

A quirky, one-of-a-kind and oddly enjoyable blackly comic shocker; this had an extremely troubled production history which often causes coherence and pacing problems, but at other times manages to enhance the overall weirdness, making the film that much more enjoyable. Grumpy bazillionaire Papa Doc (Gene Evans), who's made a fortune building retirement villages and resort complexes across the U.S., is planning on opening up a new branch and brings along a pair of doctors; experienced Harvey (Sorrell Booke), who's a brilliant doctor but something of a pushover, and his daughter Julie's (Joan McCall) boyfriend Rick (Taylor Lacher), who refuses to bite his tongue around his abrasive, bossy future father-in-law, or kiss his ass. All of the above plus Papa's unfaithful, nympho wife Lovely (Carolyn Stellar) and Harvey's unhappy, boozy wife Ruth (Shelley Morrison) all decide to spend the weekend at Papa's remote ski lodge at Lake Arrowhead to get the plans in motion. Because of bad weather, they all get snowed in and the phone lines are down. What better time for a van transporting a handful of deranged young folks to crash nearby? Five of the psychotic kids escape into the snow and eventually show up at the cabin.

Also crawling out of the wreckage from the van crash, a doctor pursues the escapees, only to immediately get killed upon arriving at the cabin. The children eventually turn on the others adults, devising clever ways to kill them off. The victims are so wrapped up in business and personal matters that they barely seem to realize that there's something not quite with the kids until it's too late. Orphaned Susan (Tia Thompson) has a thing for fire, precocious wannabe actor David (future star Leif Garrett) has a thing for chess, wigs and ladies clothing, Brian (Tierre Turner) fancies himself an army drill instructor and little Moe (Dawn Lyn, Garrett's real-life kid sister) is obsessed with fish, carries around a stuffed fish doll and thinks fish are her babies. Most interesting of all is the oldest of the children, a sullen albino girl named Hannah (Gail Smale), who passes herself off as a novice nun in charge of the others!

Working as a group, the killer kiddies rig the cabin's generator to hang the semi-retarded, bunny-loving caretaker (played by screenwriter John Durren) and use axes, wire, hammers, bear traps, pitchforks and a hand-made spear to kill. One victim is coated in gasoline and set on fire and another is killed with a scythe fashioned to a swing. During the most memorable bit, the nun surprises Papa's sexpot wife in the bathtub and holds her underwater as the youngest of the psychos throws live piranha into the tub. Only in the 1970s would a scene like that - featuring a nude woman in clear view of two children (one dressed as a nun, natch!) - have been shot!

Devil Times Five (originally filmed as Peopletoys and also aka The Horrible House on the Hill) has a production history so checkered you just know the movie is going to be a mess. Just doing a little research on this one turns up the following annecdotes:

- Though there are conflicting stories, director Sean MacGregor was either fired or quit the film well before completetion. Supposedly less than half of the footage used in the final cut was shot by him, though he received sole credit for directing.
- Producer Mickey Blowitz and MacGregor hated each other so much that, during a physical alteraction, Blowitz threw him through a plate glass window (!)
- The film ruined a longtime friendship between screenwriter Durren and the director because MacGregor scrapped much of Durren's original screenplay while in the middle of filming. - After MacGregor was out of the picture, Blowitz salvaged what footage he could from the first shoot, then hired David Sheldon to help him re-write the script and two additional people (Sheldon and Sandra Blowitz - the producer's wife) to direct the rest of the movie.
- Shoot two had to be edited together with shoot one, despite the films having different interior and exterior shooting locations.

So it's no surprise that the editing, continuity, pacing and coherence level are all just a little bit off; downright amateurish at times. Characters are mentioned who never materialize on screen, things seem rushed toward the end and one slow-motion, sepia-toned murder sequence lasts a patience-shredding five minutes. And yet, despite all of the obvious problems, it's amazing how interesting and entertaining the finished product is. It helps that the filmmakers had the courage to be pretty sick, darkly humorous and subversive, and it benefits a lot from a decent cast, with veteran character actors Evans and Booke (indistinguishable from his famous Dukes of Hazzard "Boss Hogg" character here) leading the way. The characters, adult and child alike, are all surprisingly well-defined. Garrett, who became a heartthrob and disco singer soon after making this, has probably the best role of his entire career as the sexually confused pre-teen. In surprisingly perverse scenes, he flirts with one of the old guys and is even seen in full drag at one point! Several nude scenes are provided by the busty Stellar, Garrett's real-life mother.

Though currently credited to "Alan Smithee" on IMDb, MacGregor also made the drama GYPSY ANGELS (1981), another troubled production which lends credeence to the recollections of the cast and crew on Devil concerning his lack of professionalism. The film was not technically finished and multiple lawsuits were filed against MacGregor by both investors wanting their money back and at least one of the actors who appeared in it. Vanna White, who did some brief nudity in Angels and didn't want to sully her image as a squeaky clean game show hostess, sued to try to hault its release. According to MacGregor, star Gene Bicknell, who put up most of the production budget, also didn't want to tarnish his image as a squeaky clean "family values" Republican gubernatorial candidate by the film's release. The unsuccessful politican would later go on record as saying that appearing in the sleazy slasher flick / Sybil Danning vehicle THEY'RE PLAYING WITH FIRE (1984) cost him the election. Regardless of the lawsuits, the film finally made its way to video in 1994.

Presumably a public domain title, Devil Times Five is available on many bargain DVD packs, but your best bet is getting the Code Red DVD, who offer the superior print and an interesting documentary featuring interviews with Blowitz, Sheldon, McCall, Lyn and Turner. It's definitely worth a look. I enjoyed it a whole lot.

★★★

Qu mo jing cha (1990)

... aka: Kui moh ging chaat
... aka: Magic Cop
... aka: Mr. Vampire 5

Directed by:
Wei Tung

Primarily known as Magic Cop (the title of the print I viewed), this was also released as the fifth entry in the popular Mr. Vampire horror-comedy series even though it has no real connection to the other films. The common link is the casting of actor Ching-Ying Lam as our hero. Lam became famous in his homeland for playing the wise, level-headed, straight-faced unibrow-sporting taoist priest in the first three Mr. Vampire entries and has a somewhat similar role here as an adversary of evil who uses both his martial arts skills and his knowledge of ancient magic to take on the undead. The differences? For starters, the film is set in modern day Hong Kong instead of having a period / feudal setting. Second, though Lam's character is knowledgable in all things magic, he's not a priest. He's a cop. Third, both the tone and the humor are much different. As opposed to the goofy slapstick and bumbling idiot characters prevalent throughout the other four Mr. Vampire titles, this leans more toward witty dialogue and putting its relatively normal characters into crazy situations to get its laughs. Finally - and why this film doesn't really fit into the Mr. Vampire series at all - is that it doesn't even contain any vampires! The "creatures" in this one including a sorceress / witch and zombie henchmen.

The whole thing actually plays out like a buddy / cop thriller, somewhat similar to stuff like 48 HRS. and LETHAL WEAPON, but with supernatural and horror elements added to the mix. The biggest and best surprise of all, is that this is an grandly entertaining and imaginative little comic thriller superior to ALL of the Mr. Vampire sequels. In fact, I think it's every bit as good as the original in that series (which is pretty damn good).

Posing, respectively, as a waiter and pianist, Sergeant # 22376 (Kiu Wai Miu) and Detective Lam (Wilson Lam) attempt to pull off a drug bust in a restaurant. Spotting a strange, pale. emotionless woman sitting all alone with a briefcase, they attempt to question her and soon realize the woman possesses inhuman strength. After she throws several men across the room and drags others around with ease (including a guy handcuffed to her leg!), the woman is struck down and killed by a car while attempting to cross the street. The police force drafts senior officer Uncle Fung Zee (Lam) in from the country to help in their investigation. Upon arriving, Fung is annoyed to realize that the modern big city cops are cynical about both ancient customs and the presence of the supernatural. But when the autopsy report comes back stating the woman had technically been dead seven days before being hit by the car, Detective Lam (who is assigned Fung's partner on this case) is forced to reconsider his beliefs.

Heading over the police department is crooked, wheelchair-bound Officer Ma (Ma Wu, another Mr. Vampire series vet), who used to be Fung's partner back in the day. The two men don't get along at all, but Fung decides to suck it up and deal with him if it means being able to crack the case. Ma insists Fung - along with his chirpy niece Lin (Mei-Wah Wong), who's tagging along on the trip - stay with Lam while he's in town much to the detective's initial chagrin. The following day, Fung uses powers to help track down the dead woman's musclebound drug dealer boyfriend Eddie (Frankie Chin). He manages to get away and goes back to the leader of the drug trafficking / crime ring he's a member of; an evil, nameless, very powerful sorceress (Michiko Nishiwaki). She immediately uses her powers to hang him, but later resurrects him as a powerful zombie henchman by casting a spell and driving a spike through his head (similar to how the zombies were controlled in the Shaw Brothers film BLACK MAGIC, PART II). Here though, the spikes are made of ice and melt before the authorities have a chance to place two and two together.

The sorceress has all kinds of special powers. Even a strand of her hair can cut through glass. She also has an animated multi-purpose rope that can grab whatever or even impale people. During one sequence, she breaths a blue orb into one of our heroes, which freezes his body and must be extracted and destroyed (using heat). During another sequence she traps Fung in a room with bouncy walls that make everything that touches them ricochet off and tries to kill him using flying floor tiles, a huge fireball and her karate-fighting servant (Billy Chow). Some of the charms our heroes use to help fight off evil include a special jade necklace and a circular mirror with calligraphy (a spell) inside.

You really can't ask for much better as far as action-horror-comedies are concerned. The earlier character building scenes have a certain charm to them thanks to a charismatic cast, it's often very funny and the last 30 minutes of action, horror and special effects are excellent.

It was written by Kan-Cheung Tsang, who also scripted THE GOD OF COOKERY (1996), SHAOLIN SOCCER (2001) and KUNG FU HUSTLE (2004); all of which were big hits in Asia and had crossover success in America. Director Tung, better known as an actor, stuntman and fight choreographer, only directed a few other movies. Shame.

★★★1/2

Los ojos siniestros del doctor Orloff (1973)

... aka: Sinister Eyes of Doctor Orloff, The
... aka: Sinister Eyes of Dr. Orloff, The

Directed by:
Jesus Franco

Reclusive invalid Melissa Comfort (Montserrat Prous) is just twenty years old but has spent most of that time lying in bed. She's barely ever left the house, has been confined to a wheelchair since birth, is a virgin who's never had a boyfriend, has a "persecution complex" and wakes up screaming every morning from a recurring nightmare. In her nightmare, which turn out to be a childhood flashback, her father (Franco in a cameo) enters her bedroom and bleeds on her as he's dying. Needless to say, Melissa has repressed whatever it was that happened back then, but it's clearly had a terrible effect on her mental state over the years. With both her father and mother dead, Melissa and her chain-smoking stepsister Martha (Loreta Tovar) both live in a large mansion - Fisque Manor - with wealthy Uncle Henry (Jaume Picas), a duke and convicted pedophile (!), and his much-younger wife Flora (tall and exotic-looking Kali Hansa), a former cabaret dancer who's not quite been faithful to her hubby over the years and has a bad reputation around town. Eavesdropping butler Mathews (José Manuel Martín) has fallen in love with Melissa and claims he'll kill anyone who harms her in any way. Mathews also believes that Martha and Flora are up to no good and are secretly conspiring against both Melissa and Henry.

Wanting to help poor Melissa, or at least claiming such, Martha and Flora arrange for a psychiatrist named (uh-oh!) Dr. Orloff (William Berger) to come and evaluate her. Orloff tells Melissa that both her father and he fell in love with her mother years earlier. After being rejected, he went on to marry someone else and have his own daughter, who tragically passed away in an accident. Since no one had ever told Melissa how her father really died, Orloff finally spills the beans. Someone cut his throat and the crime went unsolved all these years. He prescribes Melissa some pills and goes on his way, promising to check back on her in a few days. Later that night, and despite the fact she's been paralyzed since birth, Melissa manages to rise from her bed and walk. In some kind of sleepwalking trance, she goes into her Uncle's study and stabs him through the throat with a clock pendulum. Someone removes the body from the home and dumps it elsewhere. The ineffective police - led by Inspector Crosby (Edmund Purdom) - start investigating... though none too well, seeing as how they do almost nothing to solve the original crime, or the ones that will follow, until the very end of the film.

As one can surmise from the title, Orloff turns out to be responsible for most of the bad stuff and wants revenge on the entire Comfort family, whom he labels "degenerate monsters" and "accomplices" and blame for his lost love's death. After performing the autopsy on Henry, he steals a vial of his blood and uses it to scratch each of his victims off his hit list. Using an injection of a special serum, he's able to not only temporarily cure Melissa's paralysis, but also control and hypnotize her, making her kill at his command. Both her aunt and stepsister are in on it, too, and know what the sinister doc is doing, but go along with it thinking he'll only kill the lord and the butler so they can walk away with all of the inheritance. Little do the scheming ladies realize, but they're also marked for death by the doctor. And little does Martha realize, her aunt isn't planning on splitting any of the money with her. Orloff is aided by a nameless female assistant all too eager to help him carry out his vengeance. A celebrity musician named Davey Procop Robert Eugene Hutchinson (!) aka Davey Sweet and Brown (Robert Woods), who's temporarily renting the house next door while he works on his music, sees several questionable things going on and starts snooping around. He's finally able to convince the authorities to look into things.

If his name wasn't in the credits and the movie didn't have Orloff in the title, you'd be hard pressed to guess that this was directed by Jess Franco. The film doesn't have much visual style and it's surprisingly low on sleaze. Few creative liberties are taken with the material, aside from some token zooms and one very interestingly-shot murder sequence which looks to have some haze and solarization effects added post production to give it a dream-like feel. Even more surprisingly, the film goes almost an entire hour with no nudity... which might be something of a record for a Franco movie shot in the 1970s! When some skin finally is shown, it's during a brief, unerotic and non-gratuitous scene where one of the ladies is beat to death with a shower nozzle while taking a bath. However lacking this may be to the director's die-hard fans, it's still competently put together and watchable, with acceptable acting (Berger and Hansa stand out in the cast) and a silly but workable premise. The ending certainly could have used a little more oomph, though.

Supposedly a partial remake of the same director's NIGHTMARES COME AT NIGHT (1970) - which I haven't seen yet - this was one of many Franco films to include the Orloff character, though none of the films are really connected. Others include THE AWFUL DR. ORLOFF (1961), DR. ORLOFF'S MONSTER (1964), THE ORGIES OF DR. ORLOFF aka Only a Coffin (1966), THE INVISIBLE DEAD aka Dr. Orloff's Invisible Monster (1970), THE VENGEANCE OF DR. MABUSE (1972), THE SINISTER DR. ORLOFF (1984) and FACELESS (1987).

The DVD is from Intervision, who use a mediocre, full-screen print of the film. It runs just 76 minutes and includes the twenty-minute mini-documentary "The Sinister Origins of Dr. Orloff," which is basically just Franco sitting in a chair talking the entire time. He speaks in English and I didn't understand half of what he said, but he did mention that Berger was just a few weeks out of prison on a drug offense when he took the role and that the leading lady looks a lot like his wife Lina Romay, who also plays a small role here.

★★1/2