Ratings Key

= Excellent. The best the genre has to offer.
1/2 = Very Good. Perhaps not "perfect," but undoubtedly a must-see.
★★★ = Good. Accomplishes what it sets out to do and does it well.
★★1/2 = Fair. Clearly flawed and nothing spectacular, but competently made. OK entertainment.
★★ = Mediocre. Either highly uneven or by-the-numbers and uninspired.
1/2 = Bad. Very little to recommend.
= Very Bad. An absolute chore to sit through.
NO STARS! = Abysmal. Unwatchable dreck that isn't even bad-movie amusing.
SBIG = So Bad It's Good. Technically awful movies with massive entertainment value.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Zombie Nightmare (1986)

Directed by:
Jack Bravman

Muscular "teenager" Jon-Mikl Thor (a hard-to-believe one-time popular Canadian rock singer who was also in the unbelievably awful heavy metal horror vanity production ROCK 'N' ROLL NIGHTMARE and is way too old for this role) stars as good samaritan Tony Washington, who manages to save a local grocery from two robbers but is unable to save his own ass when some obnoxious punks (including Tia Carrere in her film debut) mow him over with their car, leave him for dead and then flee the scene of the crime. His disgruntled mother (Francesca Bonacorsa) goes to a voodoo priestess (Manuska Rigaud) for help and Tony is brought back from the dead (in awful make-up) to get revenge. Adam "Batman" West guest stars as a police chief. This one is so tame and lightweight it almost seems like an attempted throwback to older horror films. Well, except for the fact it's horribly acted, boring, unoriginal and has laughable makeups. It pretty much falls into the unwatchable category, was ridiculed on an episode of MST3K and currently has a nice position on IMDb's Bottom 100 list. Metal heads will at least approve of the soundtrack, consisting of songs by Thor, Motorhead and Girlschool (among others). Frank Dietz stars as a detective, along with Linda Singer (JUNIOR), John Fasano and Walter Massey (EVIL JUDGMENT).

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