Ratings Key

= Excellent. The best the genre has to offer.
1/2 = Very Good. Perhaps not "perfect," but undoubtedly a must-see.
★★★ = Good. Accomplishes what it sets out to do and does it well.
★★1/2 = Fair. Clearly flawed and nothing spectacular, but competently made. OK entertainment.
★★ = Mediocre. Either highly uneven or by-the-numbers and uninspired.
1/2 = Bad. Very little to recommend.
= Very Bad. An absolute chore to sit through.
NO STARS! = Abysmal. Unwatchable dreck that isn't even bad-movie amusing.
SBIG = So Bad It's Good. Technically awful movies with massive entertainment value.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Evils of the Night (1984)

Directed by:
Mardi Rustam

You'd figure with such a stellar trash movie cast, this would at least be watchable. Nope! All of the adults are evil and all of the "kids" are victims in this totally worthless movie, sort of a remake of the directors’ own EVIL TOWN, which was filmed before, but released after, this one. A "space vampire," played by John Carradine (who else?), sends out his two female minions to extract blood from overage teenagers who hang around a large lake. It's all because his home planet is in dire need of the red stuff. I guess the filmmakers are fans of NOT OF THIS EARTH. Two of the main teens are played by CHOPPING MALL stars Karrie Emerson and Tony O'Dell. Many of the others who frequently appear in gratuitous T&A or timid soft-core sex scenes (which often seem to have been pointlessly tacked onto the film at a later date) are played by hardcore stars such as Amber Lynn, Jody Swafford, Jerry Butler (using his real name - Paul Siederman here) and Crystal Breeze, most of whom ditch their nom de porn for this film. Julie Newmar (Catwoman from Batman) and Tina Louise (Ginger from Gilligan's Island) help run the sinister clinic and who else but real-life war vets turned schlock movie regulars Aldo Ray and Neville Brand (in his final film role) play two borderline-retarded garage mechanic henchmen who constantly search for new victims. The director also produced Tobe Hooper's EATEN ALIVE (which starred Brand) and THE PSYCHIC KILLER (which also featured Brand, as well as Ray). Dawn Wildsmith made her (uncredited) film debut here.

Evils is a very lame film from the bygone sex 'n' violence video boom era that Shriek Show was cruel enough to recently put on DVD so a new generation could suffer. The acting is terrible, the plot and dialogue are both ridiculous, the name stars aren't given much to do and the movie isn't even a really good bad movie; just senseless, tedious and boring.

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